Here are the matches you'll be seeing (or reading about) next Monday - our first show of the new season - MONDAY MORNING MAYHEM!
1) Danny Divine (OUI) vs Tokyo Torres (Tommy Huang)
2) JC Superstar (Welz) vs Pierre St. Cloud (OUI)
3) Duke Alexander Stallion (Cesar Romero) vs Dr. Spectacular (Huang)
4) Lassiter Arcade (Brown Hornet) vs Sgt. Octopus (Romero)
5) The Negotiator (Hornet) vs Warlock Star (Welz)
Be there or don't be there - but we'll all be laughing at you for being stupid if you don't show up. Now, let the shit talking commence!
Ah, Lassiter Arcade ... I can see the match in my mind now ... reminds me of my guest spot on 'Murder She Wrote' in 1984. FUCR will have to investigate after the crippling carnage Sgt. O will hand you! Watch yourself Brown Hornet ... The Sgt. has told me he doesn't care for Hornet's ... or the color brown!!
ReplyDeleteYoung Mr. Huang, you may recall my appearance on Falcon Crest in 1981 ... A Dr. was found guilty of murder and had to have true justice handed to him by me. Expect the same for your dear Dr. Spectacular! You may want to think about a name change afterwards ... Maybe The Gynecologist will be more fitting.
ReplyDeletemayhem on a monday morn
ReplyDeletea foppish dandy speaks bravely
success?
Dude, I don't even know what you're talking about. DERP!!!
ReplyDeleteHm. Fascinating. A confirmed bachelor, a poet and the gilded man-boy they lust after. Quite the season we've got on our hands here.
ReplyDeleteHm. Hours pass and no retort is given. As expected, league is full of mongoloids, halfwits and frightened, mewling kittens. Season is looking fun. (note sarcasm)
ReplyDeleteMr. Neubuling, you remind me of my co-star during my appearance on Fantasy Island in 1977 ... A man who thought he was better than everyone and saw no good in those around him. you don't have to worry about Herve' Villechaize teaching you a lesson ... Me and my stable of gold will take care of that!
ReplyDeleteHm. Mention of a midget makes me question your own size, Mr. Romero. Do you have a hummer in your garage? Or perhaps one for Mr. Huang? Hm? Nice.
ReplyDeleteHow I use my size is all that counts ... Just ask my co-star in the major motion picture, 'Timber Traps,' from 1975!
ReplyDeleteClaude Akins?
ReplyDeleteJoseph Cotten had told me he and Orson Welles were talking about a sequel to Citizen Kane and they wanted to include me. One condition: I had to get Eve Brent to agree to a threesome with Cotten and myself. I obliged only to find out it had to do with a bet Cotten and Welles had that concerned Brent that went back to Tarzan and the Trappers from 1957.
ReplyDeleteHorsefeathers! Romero, you've been telling that damnable Eve Brent/Joeseph Cotton 3-way story since David O. Selznick told Louis Mayer he'd found a goldmine. That goldmine was me, and once I'd done "Manhattan Melodrama", you couldn't find an oil can that wasn't begging for a taste of my dipstick!
ReplyDeleteTarzan and the Trappers... bah! If you can manage to put down the bottle of Jergens lotion and put that faded picture of Johnny Weismeuller back in the drawer on your nightstand, I'll tell you about a REAL Hollywood lothario. ME! I was balls deep in Betty Grable while you were wiping Rudolph Valentino's jism off of your peach fuzz.
Who cut me off?!?! You don't play outro music for a living legend such as the Great Mickey Rooney!
ReplyDeleteNow as I was saying, I've spent a good portion of my life popping uppers and sticking Judy Garland in her dumper behind the dumpster at the RKO studios and I'll be hornswaggled if I'll listen to another damn word of Cesar Romero's HORSESHIT!
I'd really love to chime in here, but I have no idea where to start. GO STAR BROTHERS!! Warlock and JC of the Super variety that is.
ReplyDelete(Although this tirade had me in stitches... Is that what our fed has been reduced down to? Mickey Rooney arguing with Ceasar Romero!?! What is this, 1948?)
Hm. It just gets better and better, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteMillionaire is the shit
ReplyDeletehe's the shit, yes indeed.
But Romero and Rooney
live a sad little dream.
Of a world in which they are still vibrant and young,
they imagine that not unlike horses they're hung.
But the truth is, my friend
the truth you must see
Is that Romero and Rooney
aren't the top, like the cream.
At the bottom they rest, at the bottom oh yes!
With the worst of the worst of the worst, not the best.
And young Tommy Hueng, with his balls not yet dropped
He still lives at home with his mom and his pop!
And his sis and his dog and his fish and a cat
and I can quite assure you - he is not all that!
And nothing will rhyme with Neubuling, Kyle
So I'll just say "Good day" and I'll leave with a smile.
That's a beautiful bit of poetry, but the name is KARL.
ReplyDeleteasshole.
ReplyDeleteFirst, let me say how sorry I am to the FUCR board. I never thought My old 'friend,' Mr. Rooney would let his ego get in the way and disrupt our wonderful federation. Mickey, Mickey, Mickey ... Still holding a grudge because Burgess Merideth was taken over you to play Penguin? Just because you thought you had Julie Newmar wrapped around your tiny little member like you did Ann Sothern During 'Blind Date' in 1934 you thought you had the part wrapped up and would become relevant again. You see, after I seduced Miss Newmar, she told me she had promised to have William Dozier hire you for the part . She had old Dozier in the palm of her hand ... I entered - and entered her in many lovely ways - and had my good friend, and far more talented actor, Burgess Merideth handed the role. I know this was a bit mischevious, but you had it coming. Remember when you were shooting 'A slight Case of Larceny' in 1953? I came to the set daily to see my then flame Elaine Stewart. Your little man complex made me a target. Elaine was quite beautiful and hard to resist, but find you bending her over a chair in Eddie Bracken's dressing room while eating a White Castle burger, well, that was just unforgivable. I thought we were even, but you had to come around again in a place where you don't belong. I have come back to reinvent myself and manage a stable of wrestlers to glory. My brains and charm with their brawn will take the entertianment business to new hieght's! There isn't room for both of us here Mr. Rooney! Watch your step or I'm going to make sure 'Mr. Broadway' is turned into Mr. Andy Dufrane from the first half of 'The Shawshank Redemption!' (I landed the role of the warden, but fell ill hust before shoting began)
ReplyDeleteAnd Mr. Optimus Cryme ... You're certainly no poet. My old friend Robert Frost is turning in his grave. You and Rooney should Find another production to ruin! Much like Lee Wilkof did after my appearance on 'Hart to Hart' in 1983.
You can dither all day long with your IBMD data, Romero. I can Goggle with the best of them, but why? What's it for? No one wants to hear a play-by-play account of your career any more than they wanted to see Jerry Lewis in that godforsaken clown in a concentration camp movie he made. Goddamn frogs, I don't know what they ever saw in him.
ReplyDeleteBut I do know this: you never touched Elaine Stewart! Make all the claims you want, I'll never forget what I saw when we were at Gig Young's summer home one balmy August night in 1954. I'd had my suspicions about Vincent Price, but I was and still am appalled by the way you brought that pretty young Kim Novak into your heroin-drenched den of sin.
You're no good, Romero! You're no damn good and I'll tell you what - you may have gotten your filthy paws all over Julie Newmar, but I knew her back when she was just James Newmart. She was trash then and she's trash now. Just like you. And if I had been able to secure my managerial license, I'd have half a mind to take out the damn trash, ROONEY STYLE!
Ouch! I think I stubbed my big toe on one of those old fart's walkers! Listen here, next week, JC Superstar, you will feel the sting once again, like three nails, as the ref's hand strokes the mat for three counts. You shall not rise, and Pierre st. Cloud shall ascend your throne. Afterwords, the crew and I shall lift ourselves up on angel's wings...dirty tawdry little angels. The wine will flow, the cheese will slice, and we shall party all night long. Double victories! Tico Torres will be living on a prayed as well, if he thinks he can strike down the true divinity twice. Not gonna happen, bon Jovi boy. Take your bad medicine like a man. Danny's got it ready on a big ol' spoon. Oui say it to be, and it will pass.
ReplyDeleteJesus christ, did I fall into a time machine? Mr. Peabody, what is this place?
ReplyDeleteTo the proprietors of Opulence Unlimited International,
ReplyDeleteYou have a worldly flair which I find interesting and undeniably appealing, to say the least. While your name and the manner in which you kiss seems to suggest France, you also possess the style of the unkempt beaver which we in Norway find so supplicating on a cold winter's night. I wish to partake in the grapes of your succulent vine and imbibe the bitter wine which flows freely upon their contriturate.
OPI, The only one who is slicing the cheese is your stank buttox!! and it happens to smell exactly like your wrestlers... like stale, moldy cheerios in a rotten cottage cheese aoli. But as long as you like your smell, I'd run with it...everyone else is, but they are running away.
ReplyDeleteOPI...OUI... who cares? You're gonna be SOL in no time flat!
ReplyDeleteWow, I didn't realize wrestling in America was all about ducks, corporate skanks and old "actors" talking shit about hairy beavers. I have to say, not cool. I feel like I should be wearing a smoking jacket and popping viagra.
ReplyDeleteHuang, I like you. You got two things that remind me a lot of me back in '36: Chutzpuh and MOXIE. They don't manufacture those in America no more, but we used to have 'em in spades back in my day.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what the hell is up with these ducks either, but back in my day, rasslin' was for men and MEN ONLY. Then that goddamn Gorgeous George came along and the whole thing went to hell in a handbasket.
As far as the viagra goes, give a few to my old pal Cesar over there. He's going to need them or else he'll dissappoint his pal Boy George tonight! Ha! Boy George! Try and top that one, Romero!
And while I'm at it...
ReplyDeletehttp://donaldtrumpresponds.blogspot.com/
Oh my... Delicious! Would anyone like a Cadbury mini egg? I made them myself! Ohhhhhh, the tinfoil is divine on the way out. Mmm hmm hmm hmm...
ReplyDeleteMy fingers tell me that the Brown Hornet is going to take this round of wrestlings. Delicious!
Mr. Rooney, quite the fan of wrestling I see. Perhaps you and I could discuss this further over some hard... boiled... eggs? Mmmmmmm? Hippity hop, hippity hop!
And Mr. Romero, I just looooooved you as Joe in The Thin Man, back in 1935. Talk about romance! Talk about comedy! Ooooooh, can you say dish?!
I have my eye on you, Tommy Huang!
Mr. Bunny, thank you for recognizing my work in 'The Thin Man.' I hate to correct you, but I played Chris Jorgenson. You must have gotten me mixed up with Fred Malatesta who played Joe, the headwaiter.
ReplyDeleteBoy George, Mr. Rooney?! Again, you fail to let the readers know the truth! Before he was 'Boy,' little George Alan O'Dowd came to this country seeking fame and fortune. What he found, at first, was heartbreak. Little George went to 'A Christmas Carol' starring you, Mr. Rooney.He waited for you in the parking lot for an autograph and maybe even being taken under his wing. After you met little George, you referred to him as 'little fay boy georgie.' It broke his little heart! I helped him mend his emotional wounds after he asked me for an autograph after seeing me on the set of 'Buck Rogers.' He told me his nightmarish tale of Rooney and I helped him embrace what he couldn't get out of his head - 'little fay Georgie boy.' What the world got was Boy George. Listen to 'Do You Really Want to Hurt Me' again.It's all there. Again, I groomed a superstarm much like I am grooming my stable of gladiator's in FUCR! Make sure you don't find yourself near ringside, or I will make sur one of my superstars makes you wish you were playing a midget again in 'Not to Be Trusted' circa 1926!
I wash my hands of this.
ReplyDeleteOh my! I do love a good bout of Fantasy Unlimited Championship Acting Debate! Oh, this isn't FUCAD? Well, off to the mall I go, to give my "chocolate" eggs to good boys and girls! Straight from my body, into your basket! Hippity hop, hippity hop...
ReplyDelete