Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to FUCR Week Four. Today, we determine a definitive #1 Contender to the World's Heavyweight Championship, currently held by Dr. Matsumoto. We're not messing around; we're getting right to the action...
1) Warlock Star (Matt Welz) put his unpredicable antics up against the high-flying stylings of Tokyo Torres (Tommy Huang) ... with dangerous results. The action spilled outside within seconds of the bell ringing as these two went pillar to post for over 5 minutes. But in the end, it was the combination of lucha libre and japanese skills that won out.
3pts = Tokyo Torres via pinfall @ 6:50
2) Lassiter Arcade (Brown Hornet) proved that although his manager is nowhere to be found, his skill is not diminished in the least. He went toe-to-toe with Jormungander tonight and after a brutal battle, came out victorious. Here's a look:
3pts = Lassiter Arcade via pinfall @ 8:36
3) Maximus Von Zeus (Huang) took on Danny Divine (OUI) in a barnburner that set the wrestling world on fire. Divine proved himself as a man worthy of divinity... but he is no god.
3pts = Maximus Von Zeus via pinfall @5:26
4) Cesar Romero and the folks at Opulence Unlimited Incorporated have been at odds for nearly the entire duration of the season. Several weeks ago, Conrad Wolfsbane found himself set on fire when he faced Pierre St. Cloud and today, the two men square off in a no-DQ, falls-count-anywhere match!
And today, Wolfsbane managed to get some measure of revenge by pinning his foe outside the ring, directly in front of the announce table. The match was fast, furious and fairly evenly paced, but Wolfsbane had the eye of the tiger and would not be denied.
3pts = Conrad Wolfsbane via pinfall @ 7:24
5) Last week, The Thrillionaire (Welz) defeated Duke Alexander Stallion (Romero) to become one of four #1 contenders to the World's Championship. Today, thanks to Stallion's request for a rematch, one of these men will earn not 3, but FOUR points and a shot at the World's Championship.
The match, like last weeks', was a brutal affair that pushed both men to their limit. It has to be seen to be believed, which is why we've posted the final few minutes of this contest... buckle your seat belts and tighten your pampers, because this one is going to blow your mind and your colon.
4pts = The Thrillionaire via pinfall @ 8:36
* And with that, the Thrillionaire has cemented his position as the top contender to the throne in which Dr. Matsumoto is currently seated. *
TITLE WAVE, our first Free-For-View, takes place tomorrow, so don't bother issuing any challenges ... here's a look at what the card has to hold:
ReplyDelete* Dr. Matsumoto (Brown Hornet) vs. The Thrillionaire (Millionaire) - for the World's Heavyweight Championship! *
THE HUNGARIAN HERITAGE GRAND PRIX!
* Danny Divine (OUI) & Dr. Spectacular (Huang) vs. Sgt. Octopus (Romero) & Pierre St. Cloud (OUI) *
* Warlock Star (Millionaire) & Tokyo Torres (Huang) vs. Conrad Wolfsbane (Romero) & Maximus Von Zeus (Huang) *
* Phantom Dandy (OUI) & Duke Alexander Stallion (Romero) vs. JC Superstar ($$$) & the Negotiator (Brown Hornet) *
The winners of the HHGP will face off in a Thunderdome Elimination Match to determine a winner!
* TITLE WAVE results will be posted Tuesday morning! *
Alas ... My heart is broken the same way it was after my failed pilot 'Mulberry Street' was canned. Even Connie Sellecca's soothing words of inspiration won't help me today. But, Thrillionaire, I can only offer my congratulations. You have walked the walk and talked the talk. Perhaps we will meet again and I will exact my revenge much like I did in 'Mortuary Academy' in 1988. Until then, happy hunting against Matsumoto.
ReplyDeleteAnd to my arch nemesis Oui ... Wolfsbane's victory was as sweet and exciting as finding treasure in 'Lust in the Dust' in 1985! No trickery or specialty matches to save you! hahahahaha! And don't think of trying any funny business when we team up at the FFV in the HHGP! My men are going to the elimination chamber and will not be stopped! Stay to task and we will settle it in the chamber later. I'm sure you will consult Rooney to find out how to get the best of me just like he did in an underhanded manner when he screwed me out of an episode the 'Twilight Zone' and 'It's a Mad Mad Mad World!' Apparently dating Rod Serling's daughter gets you places rather than talent does! I forget where I was going with all this ... See you within the confines of the squared circle!
For the record (and about 100 G's that I got riding on the outcome), my money is on Von Zeus to win the whole kit n' kaboodle! That is, IF he can overcome the handicap of having to work with ol' One-Eye Wolfsbane. On the other hand, Wolfy is the dirtiest lowdown cheater in the sport, so maybe that'll help Von Z.
ReplyDeleteAs for that role on the Twilight Zone, I assure all of you it had NOTHING to do with that fact that I was taking Dana Serling to a dimension beyond sight and sound. Truth be told, it was Mrs. Serling who was instrumental in getting me the role because little did Rod know, she was having an affair with me! I never told him because I knew it would break his heart, but the show was near cancellation at the time and, his confidence shattered, he wasn't able to maintain an erection for any length of time - Rod was large, perhaps large enough to satisfy a woman when only semi-erect, but his heart just wasn't in it and he spent his evenings alone, drunk on blackberry brandy.
In steps the most virile chid actor the 20th century has ever known. Like Myrna Loy, Judy Garland and Bette Davis before her, Sasha Serling was powerless to resist my charms. And though Rod was a dear friend and I knew it was wrong, she baked the most delicious lemon bars. It only happened a handful of times, until Twilight Zone wound up getting renewed for another season and Rod's rod was restored to its former glory. We swore ourselves to secrecy and I've kept that secret to this day. But as the only surviving member of the Golden Age of Hollywood, I must now act as documentarian of both fact, story and scandal.
Oooh! SCANDALOUS!
ReplyDeleteCrimeny! There's two of 'em now?
ReplyDeleteTommy Huang is the SHIT! What managerial flair, what style. Tommy Huang, I hear he's smarter than Blackjack Billy, suaver than Dante, more ambiguously sexy than Infierno, and studlier than Thunderhammer. But that's just word on the street...
ReplyDelete