* APRIL 9, 2012 RESULTS *

The second week of action is upon us and what a week it is!  New superstars take the stage and last week's victors attempt to edge themselves a little closer to that big brass ring we like to call the World's Heavyweight Championship.  Let's get down to the ring to see how it all played out...

(1)  The Millionaire has been itching for a chance to get his protege', JC Superstar, into the ring with Maximus Von Zeus to prove who is the real god and who ranks among the children of a lesser god.  But that'll have to wait until next week.  Today, it will be Warlock Star who accepts the challenge of Von Zeus.

The only living man to have been born in the heart of a black hole (that's W. Star) takes on a man who was sired by a virgin woman who happened to find herself picking lillies in a field when Zeus, from high on his throne on Mount Olypmus, deigned her worthy to carry his seed.  Taking the form of a great white buffalo, Zeus penetrated her heretofore untouched womanhood with the power of his godlike lightning rod.  And like the drunken frat boy that he is, Zeus deserted the woman like so much spent jism scattered across the cosmos.  Nine months later, Maximus Von Zeus was born and tonight, that baby entered the ring to do battle with Warlock Star.

The match began simply enough, with both opponents seeming fairly matched.  Star's nimbleness seemed more than a match for Von Zeus's height and girth.  But eventually, Von Zeus gained the upper hand and with the speed of Mercury, squashed the living shit out of Warlock Star.

Maximus Von Zeus = 3pts via pinfall @ 4:38

After the match, Von Zeus mockingly made the sign of the cross as if to say "Come and get it, Superstar".  He then touched his side and his wrists, looked directly at the camera and stated "Call me Doubting Thomas, but I think you're full of shit, Superstar!"  The cameras cut to commercial as he laid a crucifix in the center of the ring and proceeded to expose himself.  God only knows what he intended to do, but this is a family show and we won't be having any of that here!

(2)  Next up was a punishment of sorts for the elusive Brown Hornet.  Despite managing Dr. Matsumoto, the reigning World's Heavyweight Champion, the Hornet has been sequestered in secrecy, refusing to grant interviews or speak on the message boards.  As such, the Board of Directors deemed it necessary to book two of the Hornet's charges, Lassiter Arcade and The Negotiator, in a match against GRAPPLECATS - the team of Tiger Nightmare and Battle Cat.

It must be said that Lassiter Arcade ranks among the finest technical wrestlers in the world.  His style and grace, when pitted against Tiger Nightmare and the ox-like Battle Cat, was a vision to behold.  The Negotiator, despite his name, couldn't argue his way out of a paper bag.  Strength gave way to talent and teamwork as the 'cats found new ways to outthink this lumbering lummox.  And when that didn't work, the GRAPPLECATS cheated, using a bag of catnip to incapacitate their opponents and score the pinfall.

Tiger Nightmare pinned the Negotiator @ 9:51

After the match, Dr. Matsumoto hit the ring!  Displaying the speed and skill that have catapulted him to the highest prize in the sport, he decimated GRAPPLECATS and left them lying in the ring.  Can there be any doubt that Matsumoto deserves to be called the best in the world?

(3)  The Thrillionaire has been training under the tutilage of Matt Welz for several years, working out in his secret gym in a training regimen that can only be described as sinister and macabre.  But the Phantom Dandy, managed by OUI, is a master of the macabre - he's a goddamn skeleton in a tux!  These two men went at it tooth and nail, even taking it outside the ring for a brief spell, brawling into the crowd.

As evenly matched as they were, on this day, it was the Thrillionaire who took home the victory.

The Thrillionaire = 3pts via pinfall @7:28

(4)  Next was the Inferno Match, pitting Conrad Wolfsbane (Cesar Romero) against Pierre St. Cloud (OUI) .   The ring ropes were set ablaze and the only way to obtain victory was to set your opponent on fire.

The ring bell didn't chime for this match - it tolled!  Flames licked skin and seared flesh as temperatures reached 500 degrees.  At one point, St. Cloud jammed something into Conrad Wolfsbane's eyepatch, causing the empty socket to ooze blood and pus.  It was this act which enabled St. Cloud to take home the victory in this epic encounter, setting his opponent ablaze!

Pierre St. Cloud = 3pts via the burning @ 12: 34

(5)  Our final match saw Tokyo Torres (Tommy Huang) against Duke Alexander Stallion (Cesar Romero) - and it was intense, to say the least.  It was intensity in 10 cities as these evenly matched competitors gave their all.

And in the end? ...



3pts = Duke Alexander Stallion via pinfall @ 4:30

This victory catapults Duke Alexander Stalllion into the #1 contenders's spot!  But his position is tenuous at best, with two weeks remaining until TITLE WAVE, our first big Free-For-View event!Is anyone able to unseat the Duke from his throne?  Only time and your challenges will tell!