26.3.12

DEADLY GENESIS results!

It's been a while but we've never gone out of style! Welcome back to the greatest show on earth: Fantasy Unlimited Championship Rasslin'! It was just a little over one year ago that Bronson Thunderhammer was injured in a parasailing accident and forced to relinquish the World's Heavyweight Championship. In the months that followed, the world of fantasy wrestling was in turmoil. Other titles popped up in an attempt to fill the void, but the officials at the Video Game Wrestling Alliance were in disagreement and disarray. Finally, after months of legal wrangling and sifting through red tape, the finest minds in professional fantasy wrestling put their differences aside and once again reunited for the greater good. And tonight, their hard work bears fruit as a new UNDISPUTED World's Heavyweight Champion will be crowned!

But first, let's meet this year's managers and announce their draft picks.

The Millionaire Matt Welz returns to the sport that made him famous.  He brings with him his protege', the Thrillionaire, J.C. Superstar, Warlock Star.

Cesar Romero has retired from the spotlight of acting to carve out a place in the world of pro fantasy wrestling. His stable includes Sgt. Octopus, Conrad Wolfsbane and Duke Alexander Stallion.

Opulence Unlimited International represents the corporate side of professional fantasy wrestling, and corporations are people too. Their charges include Danny Divine, Pierre St. Cloud and the Phantom Dandy.

The Brown Hornet is reputed to have quite a sting. This year, his hive includes Lassiter Arcade, Dr. Matsumoto and the Negotiator.

Finally, the Child Predator, Tommy Huang, will be managing Tokyo Torres, Maximus Von Zeus and Dr. Spectacular!

*** The FUCR Board of Directors determined that the best way to choose a new World's Champion was to have a series of three Elimination Chamber matches, with the winners facing each other in a three-way-dance to determine who would hold the vacated title. The rules of the Elimination Chamber are simple: trapped within the confines of a steel cage, two men begin the match with a new wrestler being added at one minute intervals until a total of 6 wrestlers are in the ring. It is then that the war games truly begin. But with only 5 wrestlers, the FUCR Board of Directors was at a quandry.

Thusly, it was decided that the 6th spot in the match would be filled by wrestlers who did not make the final draft. In this way, all of the finest wrestlers in the business would be represented and the title would truly be UNDISPUTED.

*** 1) The first elimination chamber opened with Duke Alexander Stallion and Lassiter Arcade in the ring. At the one minute mark, they were joined by Maximus Von Zeus and Pierre St. Cloud at 2:00.
At 3:00, "Thunderjammer" Ron Winkler (representing FUCR) entered and the Thrillionaire was the last to join in the action at 4:00.

Alexander Stallion was the first to be eliminated when Von Zeus pinned him at 4:39
Next was St. Cloud, eliminated by the Thrillionaire at 5:30
Lassiter Arcade said his goodbyes after being pinned by the Thrillionaire at 7:04
Ron Winkler was the next to fall at the hands of the Thrillionaire at 9:34 via pinfall
Finally, the Thrillionaire secured his advancement into the finals by making Maximus Von Zeus tap at 10:03!

2) The next chamber match saw Phantom Dandy take on Conrad Wolfsbane.
At 1 and 2 minutes, Warlock Star and the Negotiator joined.
The 3 minute mark saw Dr. Spectacular take to the ring and at 4:00, the final competitor, Akira Kowalczyk (representing FUCR) entered.

The Negotiator was pinned at 7:53 by Warlock Star Phantom
Dandy was pinned at 8:06 by Dr. Spectacular
At 8:38, Conrad Wolfsbane scored a pin on Warlock Star, sending him back to the locker room
Akira Kowalczyk made the folks in the office proud by pinning Dr. Spectacular at 10:01 and making Conrad Wolfsbane tap at 11:05.  - Kowalczyk advances to the finals!

3) The final elimination chamber opened with J.C. Superstar and Sgt. Octopus butting heads in the middle of the ring.
At 1:00, Dr. Matsumoto joined the fray, followed by Danny Divine, Tokyo Torres and Harlan Murphy (representing FUCR). This was by far the most brutal chamber match of the night.

It took a full 7:48 seconds before J.C. Superstar was pinned by Danny Divine.
At 8:32, Tokyo Torres pinned Harlan Murphy and at 8:48,Torres pinned Danny Divine.
At 9:00 exactly, Torres found himself staring at the lights at Dr. Matsumoto pinned him.
9:54 was the time when Matsumoto pinned Sgt. Octopus to advance to the finals.

4) Finally, the finals had arrived - Dr. Matsumoto vs. The Thrillionaire vs. Akira Kowalczyk. Who would prevail? Would the deadly martial arts of Dr. Matsumoto win the day, or the dangerous, high-flying Thrillionaire? Or what about the deadly Japanese-Polish-American known as Akira Kowaczyk?

Fisticuffs and submission holds reigned as these three men went at it like thunder, lightning and a tank.
The match was so intense, the timekeeper was knocked out. The film in the ringside cameras burst into flame as it attempted to capture the brutality that took place in the ring.

Only the final minute and 14 seconds remain...

If you didn't want to take the 1:14 to watch that - your winner and Undisputed World's Heavyweight Champion - Dr. Matsumoto!
************************************************************************* Congratulations to Dr. Matsumoto and his manager, the Brown Hornet.
Now is the time to issue your challenges!

Due to the shortage of managers this year, the FUCR Board of Directors has decided to allow managers to issue an "open challenge" if and when they've run the gamut of competitors. In short, issuing an open challenge means that your wrestler will take on a randomly chosen FUCR Superstar who did not make the draft. This is an optional challenge and by no means should any of you feel obligated to take part. Non-drafted FUCR wrestlers do not gain points and will not be eligible for title shots. Have at it!

20 comments:

  1. Greetings and beatings all you low grade "warriors" and your daddy wranglers. OUI would like to set a challenge for this Tico Torres fellow to see if he can pull the wool over the fans eyes, and pin The Divine One, Danny Divine again. We loved your competant drumming for super group Bon Jovi, Tico...but we don't think you'll cut it as a wrassler here. Oh wait, he's not in Bon Jovi? It's Tokyo Torres. Well, even worse then. Lightning won't strike twice, but Danny will strike multiple times all around your facial area, until you fall. That is all.

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  2. And the first gauntlet has been thrown down! Next week, Danny Divine, under the guidance of Opulence Unlimited International, will step in the ring with "Child Predator" Tommy Huang's protege', Tokyo Torres!

    May the best man win.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thrillionaire
    Managed by a legend
    Denied a prize which was not his

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FUCR, You have TRUELY outdone your self this time... a video of how the match ended... Are you serious!?! It's nice to see the grant of $10,000,000 I gave you to get this long overdue season started have raised the fun level 48 fold! Unlike Count Dante who just pocketed the grants I gave him. KUDOS, FUCR!!

      Delete
  4. Thank you, Millionaire. Your grant was much appreciated.

    It should also be noted that the following grapplers are ineligible for competition next week, having succumbed to submission holds:

    Maximus Von Zeus
    the Thrillionaire
    Conrad Wolfsbane

    Please do not challenge or use them to challenge.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Now that all of the pleasantries are out of the way... it has been brought to my attention that there is boy in this league masquerading as a God. There is only room for ONE GOD in this tiny Fed! Zeus, prepare to meet the closest thing to divine perfection your stupid eyes have ever seen, JC SUPERSTAR!! JC demanded his first match sets the record straight on who is the true GOD of FUCR.
    So FUCR, put it in the books... JC SUPERSTAR vs. the lowly Zeus and may the best imaginary GOD win!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And this match will have to wait much to the chagrin of all of the adoring FUCR fans!! So as a warm-up, JC Superstar would love to beat down Pierre St. Cloud. Cuz JC never allowed Pierre's sainthood.

      Delete
    2. Next week's card thus far:

      1) Danny Divine (OUI) vs. Tokyo Torres (Huang)
      2) J.C. Superstar (Welz) vs. Pierre St. Cloud (OUI)

      INJURED LIST:
      Von Zeus
      Thrillionaire
      Wolfsbane

      Delete
  6. I'm back for my greatest role! As manager in FUCR, I plan to restablish my star! Yeees! Many compliments to FUCR to a brilliant product. I will show all the other managers how a real star should act! I see we have a child predator?!?! Hoooo hooo hooooo! I bet you love ballyhoo as much as me! I wonder if your dear Dr. Spectacular could give my Duke a check up? Make sure you are at ringside, Mr. Huang! Alexender Stallion will make sure your Doctor's license is permanently revoked! Mr Millionaire, congratulations on your title victory! Perhaps you will be interested in investing in a production of mine? But, first, my wonderful Dr. Octopus would like to see if your champion could, perhaps, teach him a few things? We aren't worried about a title, just a little school session. If you have the courage, maybe my Sgt. O can teach YOU a thing or two as well!

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  7. No title victory for Millionaire
    Could Romero be drunk?
    yesh

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  8. Mr. Romero, we respect your career as an actor and your role as the Joker, but you must read the rules. You're allowed only one challenge. And as Mr. Cryme stated so eloquently in his haiku, Millionaire doesn't hold any titles. So you should probably read the results as well.

    Next week's matches:
    1) Danny Divine (OUI) vs Tokyo Torres (Huang)
    2) JC Superstar (Welz) vs. Pierre St. Cloud (OUI)
    3) Duke Alexander Stallion (Romero) vs. Dr. Spectacular (Huang)

    INJURED LIST:
    Maximus Von Zeus
    Thrillionaire
    Conrad Wolfsbane

    ReplyDelete
  9. Seems like everybody here craves the Huiz-ang, but there's only so much to go around, yo! Oui, your challenge is accepted, just keep away from my facial area, perverts. Last time you pulled the "wool" over somebody's eyes they totes ended up with eyebrow crabs and three kinds of hepatitis.

    LOL!

    Is it just me, or is the old with the lipstick scary?

    Totally cised this season! Stamp that, yo.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Check out my newest blog entry! Totally entering the psyche and wrestling mentalities of Cesar Romero, at a, like unconscious level! Getting all up in your mind, old!

    http://tommyhuang7.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  11. Megan Fox
    luscious and greasy
    titties in mouth
    energon
    alright

    ReplyDelete
  12. No one has challenged the forces of the Brown Hornet... will the Hornet, manager of World's Heavyweight Champion Dr. Matsumoto, make an appearance and a challenge? Will we see the champ in action?

    Here's next week's card and the injured list.

    Next week's matches:
    1) Danny Divine (OUI) vs Tokyo Torres (Huang)
    2) JC Superstar (Welz) vs. Pierre St. Cloud (OUI)
    3) Duke Alexander Stallion (Romero) vs. Dr. Spectacular (Huang)

    INJURED LIST:
    Maximus Von Zeus
    Thrillionaire
    Conrad Wolfsbane

    ReplyDelete
  13. Bunch of cluckin hens out there afraid of the fox Dr. Matsumoto. Too busy peckin at each other and dreamin bout laying eggs to get in the ring with the Heavyweight Champ huh? In that case we will give Arcade some mat time and we will pluck some random fool to wrestle next week. I want to see Lassiter Arcade whoop Sgt Octopus. Challenge issued.

    The Champ is happy to sit back and enjoy his title since you flock of scrawny chickens aint able to step up.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The Manager of Champion has spoken!
    Here's next week's card:

    1) Danny Divine (OUI) vs Tokyo Torres (Huang)
    2) JC Superstar (Welz) vs. Pierre St. Cloud (OUI)
    3) Duke Alexander Stallion (Romero) vs. Dr. Spectacular (Huang)
    4) Lassiter Arcade (B.Hornet) vs. Sgt Octopus (Romero)

    And since Dr. Matsumoto on a publicity tour as the new champ, we'll give him next week off and book the final match ourselves...

    5) The Negotiator (B.Hornet) vs. Warlock Star (Welz)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Negotiator, You don't even KNOW Warlock Star! He is an atomic blast wrapped into a BEAST'S body!! The only way you can beat him is to negotiate him onto the mat with your $100 words for a count of 3 cuz your pussy ass hands can't even cut the mustard... and mustard is a condiment. BEAST, I say!!

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  16. Mr. Bunny, thank you for recognizing my work in 'The Thin Man.' I hate to correct you, but I played Chris Jorgenson. You must have gotten me mixed up with Fred Malatesta who played Joe, the headwaiter.
    Boy George, Mr. Rooney?! Again, you fail to let the readers know the truth! Before he was 'Boy,' little George Alan O'Dowd came to this country seeking fame and fortune. What he found, at first, was heartbreak. Little George went to 'A Christmas Carol' starring you, Mr. Rooney.He waited for you in the parking lot for an autograph and maybe even being taken under his wing. After you met little George, you referred to him as 'little fay boy georgie.' It broke his little heart! I helped him mend his emotional wounds after he asked me for an autograph after seeing me on the set of 'Buck Rogers.' He told me his nightmarish tale of Rooney and I helped him embrace what he couldn't get out of his head - 'little fay Georgie boy.' What the world got was Boy George. Listen to 'Do You Really Want to Hurt Me' again.It's all there. Again, I groomed a superstarm much like I am grooming my stable of gladiator's in FUCR! Make sure you don't find yourself near ringside, or I will make sur one of my superstars makes you wish you were playing a midget again in 'Not to Be Trusted' circa 1926!

    ReplyDelete