* MONDAY MORNING MAYHEM * APRIL 16, 2012 * RESULTS *

We're edging ever closer to Title Wave, the first Free-For-View event of the season with this, the third week of the season.  The race to become the #1 contender to the World's Heavyweight Championship, currently held by Dr. Matsumoto, is heating up faster than Spring Break.  Let's take you down to the ring for the lowdown...

(1)  Have you ever heard of the Champion of the World opening a wrestling card?  That's exactly what happened when Dr. Matsumoto teamed with Lassiter Arcade to accept the challenge of Harlan Murphy and "Flank Steak" Harvey Madison.

Matsumoto and Arcade are both managed by the Brown Hornet, who has only made one appearance in FUCR as of this writing.  With no challenges issued and none given, the FUCR Board of Directors was once again forced to book the Hornet's charges against two uncontracted competitors.

The match opened with Arcade and Madison going tooth and nail: Arcade's technical prowess an odd balance to Madison's power.  Madison and Murphy acted as a fairly competent team and Arcade held them off well.  After several tags and even, back-and-forth combat, Lassiter Arcade was finally able to tag in his partner.  Within seconds of tagging in, Matsumoto had locked Harvey Madison in a dangerous Asian submission hold with an untranslatable name and within seconds of that, Madison was tapping out.

3pts each = Dr. Matsumoto & Lassiter Arcade via submission @ 4:48

(2)  Maximus Von Zeus (Tommy Huang) took on The Phantom Dandy (OUI) in what can only be described as a match of attrition.  The two men were evenly matched at the outset, both standing near the 7 foot mark and posessing musculature to match.  Power move upon power move was displayed, with the Dandy showcasing a nimbleness that had to be seen to be believed. 

The match ended like this...


After the match, Von Zeus once again made some disparaging remarks about JC Superstar in reference to who was the true son of a god.  "I'll deny you three times, Superstar, and when I meet your mother, this cock's gonna crow all night long!" Von Zeus said, in reference to some Biblical text.

3pts = Maximus Von Zeus via pinfall @ 4:36

(3) The feud between Opulence Unlimited International and Tommy "Child Predator" Huang didn't stop there!  In the next match, Danny Divine took on Dr. Spectacular.

This was a pier-sixer the likes of which hadn't been seen in at least a week.  Ne'er were two men more evenly matched and at any given point, either man could've won.  FUCR officials did a quick search online to determine if the first names of either of these men were Stephen, because the match was that even!  On a side note, Dr. Spectacular's name is Steven.  Same name, different spelling.

Anyway, there can be only one, and in this case it happened to be Dr. Spectacular, who scored a pinfall after hitting Divine with the Eye of Agamotto.

3pts = Dr. Spectacular via pinfall @6:26

(4) The next match pitted #1 contender Duke Alexander Stallion (Cesar Romero) against the hottest up and comer in the sport: The Thrillionaire, managed by "The Millionaire" Matt Welz.  Shunning the wealth, stocks and bonds that made his mentor so famous, the Thrillionaire treats excitement like a precious diamond or a gold mine... and there were weird scenes inside the gold mine today!

The action kicked off at 100 mph as soon as the bell rang and quickly spilled outside.  On several occasions, both men were nearly counted out.  On several occasions, both men attempted dangerous, death-defying moves outside the ring from the top rope and on several occasions, both men were hurt.  The Thrillionaire dominated the match at first, but the pendulum swung in the opposite direction and Duke Alexander Stallion, perhaps recognizing that a win would very likely cement his claim to #1 contendership, rallied to gain the upper hand.

Sees were saws and saws were see'd as these two went at it like a couple of prize bulls fucking a Halston cow in a China shop.  That doesn't even make sense, but if you could've seen this action, you'd be stupefied and at a loss for metaphor too!  Sweet jesus, it went outside again!  This was a match the year candidate.

Without warning, The Thrillionaire won.

3pts = The Thrillionaire via pinfall @8:26

(5) Our main event saw the Romero/Welz feud kick into high gear as the former drill sergeant and master of submission maneuvers, Sgt. Octopus, took on the son of Yahweh, J.C. Superstar.  Before the match started, Sgt. Octopus executed his customary pre-match ritual of saluting whatever servicemen happened to be in the crowd and making the sign of the cross.  Midway through this gesture, he glanced over at his opponent who was standing in the corner, arms folded and shaking his head.  "Not today", the Superstar promised.

The match was a barnburner and several women fainted during it.  Like several other matches this evening, these two men seemed fairly evenly matched, but in the end...



Ironic that the master of submission accepted a loss to a submission move, no?  As a result, Sgt. Octopus will be out of action next week.

3pts = JC Superstar via submission @4:35

* And that leaves us with 4 #1 contenders!  JC Superstar, Maximus Von Zeus, the Thrillionaire and Duke Alexander Stallion have 6 points each... but there's still one more Monday Morning Mayhem before Title Wave.  Will another contender arise?  Will the much-anticipated GodWar between Superstar & Von Zeus ever take place?  Will various challenges, rematches and strategic blocking keep all of these men on the bench next week?  Only time, and your challenges, will tell - so get them in now! *