Welcome to the inaugural free-for-view of the 2013 season! Only two matches are in store tonight and no points are on the line (except for the one Championship Point awarded if a new World's Champion is crowned)...
Why waste time? Let's get right to the action. Our first match was a 6-man battle royal with Lobo Uno (Mick "Truck" Drivor) vs. Diesel Injun (Poppin Corn) vs. Cobra Jaguar (Simon Pimpleton) vs. "Kingbee" Willy LaLonde (Millionaire) vs. Lee Harvey Awesome (Jesus Christ) vs. Franklin Lloyd Right, Architect of Pain (Limbaugh) ... and we're of the mind that it's better to SHOW than tell.
We've broken the match into two parts. Those of you who enjoy awesome action will want to watch both. Those who just want to see how it ends should watch part two.
Part One
Part Two
* And now it's time for the main event! A Beyond Thunderdome: War Games Elimination Chamber featuring six of the top stars from each stable. Entering randomly at one minute intervals, these men will battle for the richest prize in the sport: the Undisputed World's Heavyweight Championship!
* Two former World's Champions, in the form of Dr. Matsumoto (Jesus Christ) and The Persuader (Rush Limbaugh) , kicked off the action. At the one-minute mark, Michael Three-Cheeses (Poppin' Corn) entered the fray and went straight for Persuader. At two minutes, another former World's Champion, Sgt. Octopus (Mick "Truck" Drivor), took the fight to Dr. Matsumoto before a free-for-all broke out and all four men traded opponents as often as they traded blows.
Until Tiger Nightmare (Simon Pimpleton) entered the ring and teamed with Michael Three-Cheeses in a futile attempt to eliminate the Persuader. At 4:00,the final combatant - reigning World's Heavyweight Champion J.C Superstar (Millionaire) entered the ring and the War Games began!
* At 8:34, Tiger Nightmare pinned Michael Three-Cheeses
* At 9:17, Tiger Nightmare pinned The Persuader
* At the 9:38 mark, J.C. Superstar pinned Sgt. Octopus, just as he did last season when he won the World's Heavyweight Championship!
* J.C. Superstar pinned Dr. Matsumoto @ 10:16... and then there were two.
Congratulations to Tiger Nightmare, the NEW Undisputed World's Heavyweight Champion via pinfall @ 11:28.
* And that ends Deadly Genesis II - and begins the new season of Fantasy Unlimited Championship Rasslin! Now it's time to get your challenges in for next week! *
It's as unfortunate as it is predictable - the pseudo-socialist forces seeking to destroy our way of live do their best to "level the playing field" for foreigners and tax evaders. Sure, lets give everyone an even chance, at the cost of our Armed Forces and purveyors of TRUE Christian faith.
ReplyDeleteJ.C. Superstar, I hope that the Millionaire takes advantage of the golden umbrella FUCR gives to all of its champions and cash in your officially sanctioned REMATCH that you richely deserve! Do not let this setback keep you down!
God bless AMERICA.
Thanks, Charles! That is a lovely idea.
ReplyDeleteJC Superstar is in the prime of his life. Hell, when everybody was singing how he should "Walk Across their swimming pool", he was training. That time to put up is NOW!! TIGER NIGHTMARE, prepare for a CHAMPIONSHIP ass whoopin that will rival what he did to that temple... HE KICKED that temple's ass.
FUCR, sign it up! JC Superstar vs Kitty Daydream FOR THE BELT!!
...FOR THE BELT!!!
ReplyDeleteThousandaire, JCsuperstar may be looking forward to a second coming as champ...but it will be a second kicking...of his ass that he shall recieve! Board of directors, is there no stipulation to spice this affair up a little? I mean, a rematch on the second show? YAWN...is it my naptime yet? See what you can do. For my first challenge, I would like to see Cobra Jaguar and Battlecat shred the rest of that silly little rubber duck's stable..Willy Alone and the Toyota Camry in a tag match. Yes, I know that it can only be for one point, but I just want to rub the Thoasandaire's face in my dirty diaper by spanking his entire roster. Spare the rod and spoil the child, I always say...
ReplyDeletesorry, my mom & dad locked out my account...It's me, Simon Pimpleton! MOOOOOM! DAAAAAAD! Fix my shit now!!! I'm trying to rassle!!!!
ReplyDeleteOui, Oui! I've had my eyes on you! Just remember what happened at sodom and gomorrah ... Tiger Nightmare, good luck in your defense of your new belt against the false idol. If you manage to be successful, I have someone who would like his belt back ... Mr. Limbaugh, I know it wll be hard for you to do, but the time for talk is over. Come to the desert of pain ... I want you to pick whatever poor soul from your stable you like and put tem in te ring. Then my Dr. Matsumoto will show you a beating that will compare to the fogging I once took! It will not be 'conservative,' but 'liberal' just for you! Reagan sends his regards from upstairs.
ReplyDeleteAre you OUI or Simon Zitston? I guess it doesn't matter either way because my stable is going to make such short work of you that you won't remember your own name either. HELL, I'll just call you TOAST!!
ReplyDeleteps- THANKS for the windfall of points to start this season!! You make my job very easy.
After a bit of deciphering, we're pretty sure this is what next week's card looks like...
ReplyDelete1) JC Superstar vs. Tiger Nightmare for the World's Heavyweight Championship!
2) Dr. Matsumoto vs. [someone from Rush Limbaugh's stable]
3) We're not exactly sure how to handle Simon Pimpleton's request, because it shows a clear disregard for the rules of the sport. But since the Millionaire seems to be game and Simon is under 2, we'll let it slide THIS WEEK and work it like this...
Cobra Jaguar (with Battle Cat) vs. the Chadillac (with "Kingbee" Willy Malone) - either Jaguar or Chadillac will get the points, despite this being a tag match.
ANYONE ELSE CARE TO PARTICIPATE?
Greetings fellow Americans, false idols, unsupervised children, and ducks.
ReplyDeleteAre we really already at that point? The point in which the outsourcing of American jobs has already totally fucked this season? Between uneducated referees stealing wins from my stable and duck shit all over the apron, is it too much to ask that our management learn to properly speak and spell English? Between the duck's ramblings, the child's nonsensical whimpers, and the false Christ's "foggings", I'm not quite sure what to make of this mess.
Clearly Frankling Lloyd Right and the Persuader were victims of left wing conspiracies to ensure that the belt is kept in the hands of the unwashed TAKERS (you know who you are!). Already the Duck and the child, or is it OUI, are asking for handouts, clearly takers of the 47%! Oh please, let me do this, let me do that! Never mind the rules. Never mind tradition. Never mind the fact that this league is set up with a purpose in mind. Let's just throw out all the rules and let the gingers and illegals rewrite our Constitution while we're at it!
But that's the way the cookie crumbles. The hardworking American makes way for the illegal duck and his Affirmative Action friends. Well I'm here to say NO MORE! False idol, The Persuader accepts your challenge.
For my challenge, like baseball and apple pie, Hannibal Murdoch challenges Manitou Macintosh!
That is all for now, true believers.
Another manager joins the ruckus! Here's what the 2/8 card looks like so far...
ReplyDelete1) Hannibal Murdoch vs. Manitou McIntosh
2) Cobra Jaguar (with Battle Cat) vs. Chadillac (with Kingbee)
3) Dr. Matsumoto vs. Franklin Lloyd Right
4) JC Superstar vs. Tiger Nightmare for the World's Heavyweight Championship!
So Pimpleton, Limbaugh and Millionaire are totally booked. Where is the Truck Drivor? And what of our newest manager, Poppin' Corn? Will they choose to take part in this season?
Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
ReplyDeleteA: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
My thoghts exactly, Mr. Limbaugh, and I'm glad you stopped by again to share your insights with us.
ReplyDeleteInteresting how the so-called champions who have unrightfully STOLEN the world's championship (now lower case) from it's rightful owner, have now demanded to change the rules to suit their needs. Grapplecats. Cats = pussies. Soft and cuddly, just like the bleeding hearts who are running this country into the ground with their reliance on government to save them from working hard and striving to succeed: the tenents which made this Great Nation what it is.
I look forward to seeing J.C. Superstar regain His title next week and I thank the MIllionaire for pulling himself up by the bootstraps and not letting this robbery (not defeat!) get him down.
To Jesus Christ, so-called "manager of managers", you are a blasphemer and NOT the true Lord! Prepare for your judgement day at the hands of Mr. Limbaugh's Franklin Lloyd RIGHT.
Are the managers of FUCR so bereft of inspiration that they resort to this?
ReplyDeleteMuch like Mike Tyson, Pete Rose and the doctor upon whom The Fugitive was based, we see Rush Limbaugh, a once popular celebrity nearing the twilight of his career, entering the arena in order to make a quick buck before he dies of a drug overdose in a pool of his own vomit and urine.
Just when I thought a talking duck was a disgrace to the sport, we now have a box of movie popcorn. Really? A box of movie popcorn is a manager in FUCR. I will waste no more words on this atrocity.
Lest we forget the boy manager of last year, we now have an even younger version! Oh goodness me, THAT is a 100% completely original idea. Seriously? You can't even let a few seasons pass before introducing a white-washed, watered down rehash?
And Jesus Christ... we now have Jesus Christ as a manager. Wow, how shocking! How cutting edge! You're really pushing the envelope. *YAWN* I'm sorry, I seem to have fallen asleep of boredom during my own sentence.
Hey, cats are popular on the internet! Lets have a team of LOLcats in FUCR. What a pathetic attempt at appealing to a fan base 20 years your junior. You guys are really "hip" and "groovy".
It's ironic that the only manager I can muster up respect for is my old enemy the Millionaire. I admire your tenacity, sir. You are a worthy opponent.
And Truck... what can I say? Anything that comes out of my mouth will likely get me beat up. Luckily, I am protected by the veil of the internet. I will simply wish you the best of luck with that syphilis.
With all this snow lately I been busy running the roads and delivering the loads, but I did not forget my managerial duties. So Popped Korn Sgt. Octopuss is gonna destroy Diesel Engine.Theres only room for one real diesel in this league and He is the Truck
ReplyDeleteHere's your FINAL 2/8 card...
ReplyDelete1) Hannibal Murdoch vs. Manitou McIntosh
2) Cobra Jaguar (with Battle Cat) vs. Chadillac (with Kingbee)
3) Dr. Matsumoto vs. Franklin Lloyd Right
4) Sgt. Octopus vs. Diesel Injun
5) Lobo Uno vs. Lee Harvey Awesome
6)JC Superstar vs. Tiger Nightmare for the World's Heavyweight Championship!