Ladies and gentlemen, it's the final show before the biggest free-for-view event of the season - SLAMARAMA! Tonight both titles are on the line, but before we start, lets listen to the VGWA Board of Directors discuss the history of both belts as well as the organization...
It only seems right to honor the memory of the fallen roster by honoring the legacy of the Hungarian Title. A title which was despised by Charles "Stinkyteats" Wheezleton when he broke away from the VGWA, accusing them of bribery, bias, corruption and all manner of foul play. Holding a tournament to crown a World's Champion, Wheezleton stole a prominent VGWA superstar in the form of Monte Altazzar and put the belt around his waist. Other stars defected including Pappy, "Kentucky" Jon Derby and the Manimal.
In time, as FUCR grew, the World's Championship supplanted the Hungarian title as the most prominent singles championship in the minds of the fans. The Hungarian Championship was retired as an active title and became an annual event as FUCR fell under the guidance of Ebeneezer Wheezleton when Charles was struck by a mysterious and completely natural death with no suggestion of foul pay.
Controversy surrounded FUCR for years as ownership was in dispute. Monte Altazzar was killed in a hideous gangland crime which remains unsolved to this day. For a time, the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate managed to wrest control of the World's Championship. But FUCR has always returned, like a phoenix from the ashes.
Now... with the Wheezleton Family's flame extinguished, the traitor Monte Altazzar dead and the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World re-activated while the World's Heavyweight Championship is very much disputed due to The Chadillac refusing the belt as well as 3/4 of the roster dying in a freak accident... the two most respected championships both be on the line at SLAMARAMA!
But first - this week's matches!
1) First, the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World was on the line in a three-way dance between reigning champion Sgt. Octopus, former champion The Chadillac and the uncrowned people's champion, Lobo Uno.
It was a 12 minute battle of wills... and in the end, the man trained by 50-time Hungarian Champion "Polish Prince" Chad Derdowski was victorious by pinning Lobo Uno.
7pts = Chadillac via pinfall @ 12:14
2) Next, the 3rd and final match in a series. Both men are now 2-time World's Champions and both men are "second generation superstars", having been trained by legends of the business. Ladies and gentlemen, "Kingbee" Willy Malone seeks to regain the richest prize in the sport when he squares off against current champion The Thrillionaire!
It was a match to end all matches. And in the end...
9pts = "Kingbee" Willy Malone via submission @ 11:49
After the match, Malone grabbed a microphone and called Chadillac to the ring. The two champions stood face to face... Malone reminded the crowd that Chadillac gave up the World's Championship not too long ago. He reminded the fans that this action caused the title to fall into dispute. He said that when he defeats Chadillac and holds both titles at SLAMARAMA next week, he will erase all doubts.
Chadillac responded with a boot to the face and left Malone lying in the ring.
NEXT WEEK - SLAMARAMA! Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World THE CHADILLAC vs. World's Heavyweight Champion "KINGBEE" WILLY MALONE in a 2-out-of-3 falls lumberjack match!
The main event is set, but you can still issue challenges! Maybe we'll see a tag match? Maybe a mini-battle royal? Maybe a table match? Its up to you!
And don't forget - next week Dr. Sydney M. Basil will reveal the results - who IS Simon Pimpleton's father?
SPECIAL NOTE:
ReplyDeleteThe Title vs Title match at SLAMARAMA will be worth THREE POINTS.
Every other match will be worth TEN POINTS.
Don't fret - it's still anybody's game!
Well that is a lovely sentiment and all, but didn't the rassler with the highest amount of points ALWAYS wrestle for the belt at Slammaramma? If so, that would put THRILLIONAIRE in a 3-way match for the belt at the end of the season. Don't mind me performing my managerial duties.
ReplyDeleteIf the loophole isn't noticed and brought to light in the faces of the esteemed board to make this a 3-way for the belt, I will then, and only then challenge Lobo Uno!!! Mainly because he's a piece of shit who doesn't deserve anything.
One word, Daddy...."WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"! That's right! The Chadillac, the man...the myth...the pinnacle of human perfection! The CHAMP! And...after Slammarama...he will be the undisputed ruler of all fantasy wrasslin! And Dr. basil...you've been warned to stop harassing my mother, and my family! If you show up at the ppv next week, you better bring your own doctor to put you back together again. Respect our privacy...this is your last warning! As far as the Millionaire goes...well, you can just shut the fuck up, and jerk our curtain...and if your lucky, I'll let you lace our boots before the match! Watch and learn, fuckface-duckface! Whooooooooo!
ReplyDeleteHas anybody else on these message boards paid any amount of attention to this CHILD all season? Much like his own parents... HELL NO!!! Go back to the little kids table and let the adults talk. I'm very curious to see who the father is because my bet is he won't give a fuck about this kid anymore than the rest of us do.
ReplyDeleteand this from a cartoon duck...
ReplyDeleteDoesn't the wrestler with the highest point total wrestle for the belt at Slamarama?
ReplyDeleteDidn't the VGWA and FUCR announce that the main event for Slamarama will be a title vs. title match a month ago?
This is what happens when you let ducks manage wrestlers. DUCKS CAN'T READ!!!
NOBODY ever said we had to know how to read... just look at truck drivor.
ReplyDeleteAnother consperiacy to keep the Millionaire, and other profit makers like himself, down. No surprise that the VGWA and FUCR would do whatever it takes to adhere to their familiar liberal agenda and make the 1% look bad.
ReplyDeleteWell too bad! If not for people like the Millionaire, who keep this country afloat, VGWA and FUCR would have nothing! Nothing, because the important flow of money and stabilaztion of Wall Street that people like the Millionaire, in addition to keeping immigrants off our streets and other undesirables like homosexuals, Jews and Negroes in their rightful places, would dry up like the well-sucked teat of an elderly crone. Not unlike the ample teat of America that minorities and welfare mothers refuse to release from their evil sucking grip.
THANK YOU, MILLIONAIRE for standing up for yourself and for America. No more handouts to imigrants like those from Hungary. No more free rides for freeloaders who don't want to get real jobs. NO MORE! Keep America for Americans and FUCR for real champions.
Ile tell you what. The Thrillionaire vs. Lobo Uno, a suggested match by the Millionare, should be for a prize I just created - the REAL AMERICAN HERO championship. Oh, you know what? The Millionaire already won it! Sorry, Lobo Uno, but your army of one can go back to the other side of the border.
Also, good luck Sgt. Octopus.
Charles Minkey, you are the reason aliens will never openly visit us. You, and most of the Merican populous need to understand to fully evolve as a species, we need to relinquish any and all names one uses to describe other humans. For once we realize we are all humans FIRST (not homos, jews, non-Americans, or gays), we can then begin growing literally as ONE TOGETHER... and not as 6 billion separate.
ReplyDelete... but THANK YOU for your support!!
ReplyDeletewell...fuck a duck.
ReplyDeleteThe Millionaire is a rich, racist, homophobic, neo-con. Go figure....
I am a lot of different things to a lot of different people, Simon. I view myself to be nothing more than a being of energy. It's people like you who tell others what they are supposed to think of themselves. You are so quick to tell others what they are like... when you see your reflection, do you see who you are or what you want to see?
ReplyDeleteI see just the same thing you see, Millionaire - a strong, white man making money and making America better! And you're right... you're DAMN RIGHT that I'm the reason why aliens will never visit us. I don't want them damn illegal aliens visiting us any more than you do!
ReplyDeleteI leave for a week to bang your mothers and I come back to this? Where's the Chief? He was the only one worth listening to.
ReplyDeleteFrom the rocking of the cradle to the rolling of the hearse, there are constants in this world. Mother Nature providing and Mother Nature destroying. Brother Wolf upon the prowl and Sister Maize filling our bellies. Good and evil are relative terms, a balance struck for purpose and preservation.
ReplyDeleteSome see me as a mage. A shaman. A teacher. According to the law, I am a vagrant. A hobo. A roustabout.
Come Slamarama, all will see me as champion.
That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.
ReplyDelete