The first free-for-view of the season has arrived and with it, pain. The road has been long and hard but we've come out better people for all the hardships we've endured. Let's skip the formalities and get down to the action...
* THE HUNGARIAN HERITAGE GRAND PRIX * ROUND ONE *
The rules are simple - tag teams were chosen randomly. Each member of the winning team receives 3 points for victory.
1) Danny Divine (OUI) was partnered with Dr. Spectacular (Tommy Huang) in a bitter match against Sgt. Octopus (Cesar Romero) and Pierre St. Cloud (OUI) ...
Divine pinned Sgt. Octopus at the 11:53 mark.
3pts = Danny Divine
3pts = Dr. Spectacular
2) Next up, Warlock Star (Millionaire) teamed with arch enemy Tokyo Torres (Huang) to take on Conrad Wolfsbane (Romero) and Maximus Von Zeus (Huang) ...
Von Zeus pinned Warlock Star @ 13:20 to secure the win!
3pts = Maximus Von Zeus
3pts = Conrad Wolfsbane
3) The final match of Round One pitted JC Superstar (Welz) and the Negotiator (Brown Hornet) against the Phantom Dandy (OUI) and Duke Alexander Stallion (Romero) ...
The Superstar drew the short straw tonight and the Negotiator was pinned by Duke Alexander Stallion @ 11:27
3pts = Phantom Dandy
3pts = Duke Alexander Stallion
*** The World's Heavyweight Championship match between Dr. Matsumoto and The Thrillionaire was scheduled to take place. The Thrillionaire had fought long and hard to make it to this level, earning his #1 contendership through blood, sweat and tears. Meanwhile, Matsumoto was as absent as his manager, the Brown Hornet... and he was just as absent today!
FUCR General Manager Bronson Thunderhammer strolled to the ring, World's Championship belt slung over his shoulder. He invited The Thrillionaire to join him in the ring. Thunderhammer announced that since Matsumoto hadn't bothered to show up, the championship was considered forfeit! He handed The Thrillionaire the belt and declared him the NEW World's Heavyweight Champion!
4pts = The Thrillionaire via forfeit
Apparently, all you have to do is show up! It's just that easy, folks. ***
*** HUNGARIAN HERITAGE GRAND PRIX *** ROUND TWO ***
Round two pits the six surviving competitors from the first round in a Beyond Thunderdome match! Two men open the match and a new man enters every 60 seconds. Each wrestler must be eliminated in order to crown a winner and a wrestler will earn 3 points for each pinfall or submission he secures! Also, the winner receives 3 points for victory.
Maximus Von Zeus and Dr. Spectacular started things out. At the one minute mark, they were joined by Conrad Wolfsbane... and Danny Divine at 2 minutes. Finally, Duke Alexander Stallion and the Phantom Dandy entered and the match began in earnest.
ORDER OF ELIMINATION:
1) Dr. Spectacular was pinned by Danny Divine @ 5:00
2) Conrad Wolfsbane was pinned by Alexander Stallion @ 7:50
3) Divine pinned Stallion @ 9:27
4) Phantom Dandy pinned Von Zeus @ 10:53
The Phantom Dandy pinned Danny Divine @ 11:43 to win the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix! In addition to the honor of winning this prestigious title, he will be granted a shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship - under whatever stipulation he wishes - whenever he wants at any point this season!
3pts = Duke Alexander Stallion
6pts = Danny Divine
9pts = The Phantom Dandy!
*** Check out the managers page to see the updated point totals! Congratulations to the Phantom Dandy! Congratulations to the NEW World's Heavyweight Champion, the Thrillionaire! And now it's time to get your challenges in for next week's MONDAY MORNING MAYHEM! ***
It's anybody's game now!
ReplyDeleteNOTE: Should OUI choose to cash in Phantom Dandy's guaranteed title match against The Thrillionaire next week, it will not count as their challenge. They will stil be allowed to make an additional challenge.
Congratulations and good luck as Cycle 2 begins...
A travesty!!! The biggest since I was on the doomed 'Death Valley Days!' A championship won without a fight?! A mixed up, jumbled up, shook up tag derby to to reward a championship match to one man?! Come on Rooney, you could get involved in a second Twilight Zone episode here! I can only move on with my stable. Move on like I did when I left the set of 'The Story of Mankind.' I'll get right to it now ... Sgt. Octopus is seething. He has been harnessing some Pearl Harbor resentment. I thought it was a hallucinagenic drug that was making him mad. Apparently, he was sniffing something divined from a cocoa leaf for 36 hours and watching old propogana films from the 40's! In any event, he was screaming for Tokyo Torres' head on a stick. I assume he wants to fight, so I'm putting forth the challenge. Little Huang, does Mr. Torres have the courage to stand toe to toe with my one man gang?
ReplyDeleteI'm putting everyone in this federation on notice. I've been chasing a real story. The biggest. There's a creature. Wanted for murder. My publication's head wants me on this, though. I'm going to be doing some digging and get to the bottom of scandals that are rumored to lay beneath the thick surface of this industry. If questioned, I hope you will be cooperative. My paper can help careers or hurt them. I only want to do my job and then move on to my original story. The faction known as 'OUI' has cuaght my eye. I'm looking into to your dealings. Very curious. I'll have more to come.
ReplyDeleteNo time like the present! Oui will be sending the winner of the HHGP to the ring this week to indeed challenge the "champ"...the Thrillionaire for "his" title. Since this is the kick-off cycle 2, let's make it interesting. How's this, my little duckling...the loser dons the Mr.Ass pants and music until cycle 3! Sit on that egg, Millionaire!
ReplyDeleteOur official challenge this week will also be to the Disco Duck's stable. Danny Divine VS JC Superstar...Steel Cage match!God Damn you, Superstar...God Damn you...
Oui have spoken!
NEXT WEEK thus far...
ReplyDelete1) Sgt. Octopus (Romero) vs. Tokyo Torres (Huang)
2) Danny Divine (OUI) vs. JC Superstar ($$$) - steel cage challenge!
3) The Phantom Dandy (OUI) vs. WORLD CHAMPION The Thrillionaire ($$$) - Mr. Ass Pants & Music Match! The loser must wear assless wrestling gear for the duration of the month!
* If any managers wishing to make challenges find the playing field somewhat... "less than", you are welcome to challenge Bronson Thunderhammer's Industry Standard.
ReplyDeleteThe Industry Standard consists of every member of the FUCR roster who didn't get drafted. They're looking for a paycheck just as much as the next guy. Why not put some food on their table? Even losers collect a check.
Managers who challenge the Industry Standard are not allowed to pick their opponent. An opponent will be randomly chosen for you. *
BULLPUCKEY!
ReplyDeleteThe Thrillionaire is a paper champ and I don't doubt that the Millionaire lined Bronson Thunderhammer's pockets to make it happen! PAPER CHAMP! I'm hoping the unshaven tactics of OUI can help lead the Phantom Dandy to victory and a true World's Champion. PAPER CHAMP! What a miscarriage of justice - not unlike the miscarriage suffered by my first wife, Ava Gardener. It was rough on her, but not as rough as Frank Sinatra. That asshole... I met him outside Trocadero's one balmy Saturday night. Ol blue eyes was smoking one of them left-handed cigarettes with ol one eye, Sammy Davis jr. A colored jew... why I never... anyhoo, I wopped Sinatra right in the eye! Davis knew his place and tended to his girlfriend while I walked away, the biggest star in the world!
Congratulations to Opulence Unlimted International on their "Worst to almost first" performance. And a big #@&* you to Maximus Von Zeus - I had a lot of money riding on you! Aaaahhh, I'll make it back on the ponies. No hard feelings.
Keep it up, Huang. With a little luck, you'll be the NEXT biggest child star in history!
The biggest loser in the game wins an award named after the most prestigious title in fantasy wrestling history. The World champion doesn't even show up so they just give the title to the other guy. And who is this Thunderhammer fellow?
ReplyDeleteQuite an impressive roster. This game was over before it started.
Two whole managers showed up. Oh, and Mickey Rooney.
ReplyDeleteWhat an event.
What a joke.
Ahhahahahahaha! Never fear, the Profesor is here! Yes, Karl. This truly a, how do you say, less than stellar showing by the managers? I know for a fact that the young Huang fellow is stoned off his ass eating Oreo cookies right now, but as for the others, well... Let's jus say FUCR has seen better days. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm magnificent!
HEADLINE: "SNUFF SAID FOR OUI?"
ReplyDeleteThailand - After speaking with a decendant of the old Siam kingdom, it has come to my attention that Jim and Carol Halstedder have been dipping into an adult film ring that was funded by former Prime Minister Chinnawat. A retired adult fim actress from Thailand, known as Yinglak, told me tales of snuff and 'sniffing' of other contraband. Of course she claims no actors or actresses were hurt in the making of these films and I have since confirmed that claim. "It all started as a large sex masquerade party at Thaskin's (Chinnawat) palace. Jim and Carol were guests of honor, but nobody knew who they were. I was hired by Jim for a film, but he made me believed that he loved me! He used me as a money mule. He had me tape cash to my body and bring it to a prvate home in Los Angeles, California. I don't know why all tha money had to move like that!"
I looked into how the Halstedder's came to be involved in FUCR and it seems that certain members of the FUCR board have had business dealings with the Halstedder's. Money laundering at the top. The Halstedder's may throw one hell of a party, but it seems that they may be using FUCR as a hiding place to throw the gayest party of all!
No comment.
ReplyDeleteMr. Mcgee, I have been to some of Jim and Carol's parties since joining FUCR and they are always on the up and up. They have impeccable taste and do indeed know how to put aside riavalries for a night and throw a soiree' that can even rival Maureen O'Sullivan's New Years party! Well, I am putting my rivalry with Oui aside to say this: Leave Jim and Carol alone, Mr. McGee! Don't make others angry ... You wouldn't like them when they're angry.
ReplyDeleteOh myyyyy... Crucial techniques!
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of crucial, Maximus Voooooooooon ZEUS challenges Duke Alexander Stallion! Submission match!
Maureen O'Sullivan never invited you to one of her New Years' Parties! I should know because I was at every single one since 1931 onward!
ReplyDeleteLittle Huang, my Stallion may be down, but certainly not ready to be PUT down. He will make you Von Puss submit ... much like I made the communists submit in 'British Agent' in 1934!
ReplyDeleteI'd like to submit a suggestion. Can we just quit? This is quite boring.
ReplyDeleteNEXT WEEK:
ReplyDelete1) Sgt. Octopus (Romero) vs. Tokyo Torres (Huang)
2) Danny Divine (OUI) vs. JC Superstar ($$$) - STEEL CAGE CHALLENGE!
3) The Phantom Dandy (OUI) vs. WORLD CHAMPION The Thrillionaire ($$$) - Mr. Ass Pants & Music Match! The loser must wear assless wrestling gear for the duration of the month!
4) Maximus Von Zeus (Huang) vs. Duke Alexander Stallion (Romero) - SUBMISSION MATCH!
Mr. Romero, your fading star won't keep me from looking into the books on you. I already have it on good authority that you are hiding something dark that could jeopardize your career here in the FUCR. I am looking for some information on Burt Ward. Perhaps if you were to help me I could forget about what I know of you.
ReplyDeleteNEW TOTALLY AWESOME CHAMP!! NEW TOTALLY AWESOME CHAMP!! NEW TOTALLY AWESOME CHAMP!!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I'd like to thank FUCR for pulling their heads out of their asses and getting the belt off that no call no show wanannabe manager Poop Hornet. The Thrillionaire has been pleased as punch to be carrying that belt. He even flew to Jamaica to show the belt to me and celebrate!! And celebrate we did!!
And it looks like since my stable is SO awesome and everybody wants a piece, I don't even have to make a challenge this week.
Rooney, you are a dumb moron. A paper champ means one did nothing to deserve that belt. The Thrillionaire had the highest point total out of every rassler in this fed. By that rationale, I'd call that earning it...or every other rassler completely sucks.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't beat anybody! That belt was handed to you! PAPER CHAMP! PAPER CHAMP! PAPER CHAMP!
ReplyDeleteNext week, the unrefined and unshaven sexiness of OUI is going to take you to the limit, son! And not only will you lose that belt, you'll spend the entirity of May 2012 in Mr. Ass Pants! The ultimate denigration!
(and you'd better lose, 'cause my bookie put next month's Social Security check on it!)
PAPER CHAMP! PAPER CHAMP! PAPER CHAMP!
Hm. Finding myself torn.
ReplyDeleteOn one hand: Hate the Millionaire and find Rooney's points insoluable.
On other hand: Disgusted by Rooney and recognize that Thrillionaire is deserving.
Decision: Continue to hate all of you and your stupid federation of loser wrestlers.
Where is Bronson Thunderhammer? On a gaycation with Brown Hornet?
*snicker* "gaycation" ...
Dildoionaire, is you stupid or is you retarded? Thrillionaire ain't shiiiiiiiiiit. Alexander Stallion AND the Maximest of the them all, von ZEUS both have more points than Jismillionaire, showing that clearly they are superior. You're just keeping that belt warm, so make sure you don't get any of your cloaca shiz all over it before you lose it next week!
ReplyDeleteQuack quack quack!!!
Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack! Quack quack quack!
ReplyDeleteClearly proof is needed of Thrillionaire's credentials. Will he prove a fighting champ? If he manages to defeat Phantom Dandy (my guess is that odds are good), will he then defend title against those who outrank him, such as the previously mentioned Maximus Von Zeus?
ReplyDeleteI'd like to see it! Do not hide as Matsumoto did. Rather, defend your title on a regular basis as the great Bret Hart was known to do in the early to mid 90s!
Oh yes, and "Quack Quack" indeed.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYou give 'em hell, kiddo!
ReplyDeleteAll of you whiney bitches need to shut the hell up!! If any of you had more points than Thrills, you'd be the champ so to say he's a paper champ would then make everybody else in this fed pulp...not even worthy of being paper yet. Maybe some blood, sweat, and tears would shape your paper flakes into a real man like THE THRILLIONAIRE!!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, Huang, If you have done anything noteworthy in the field of fantasy rasslin at all, I'd be able to read your posts, but until then all I see is Charlie Brown's teacher's voice under your name, "Bwhbwha babwhbwhabwha bwhwa." Your opinions mean less to me than a penny at Fort Knox.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteActually, the fault is ours. Let's recap the first cycle:
ReplyDeleteWeek Two: Thrillionaire defeated Phantom Dandy = 3pts
Week Three: Thrillionaire defeated Stallion = 3pts
Week Four: Thrillionaire defeated Stallion = 4pts
Title Wave: Thrillionaire awarded title = 4pts
TOTAL = 14 pts.
We have made the necessary corrections on the Manager/Points page and apologize to The Millionaire and The Thrillionaire for the mistake!
You're still a paper champ if you don't beat anybody to win your goddamn belt! I'll call that chump a champ if he beats Phantom Dandy tomorrow. Until then -
ReplyDeletePAPER CHAMP!PAPERCHAMP!PAPERCHAMP!PAPERCHAMP!QUACK,QUACK!PAPERCHAMP!QUACK,QUACK!PAPERCHAMP!QUACK,QUACK!PAPERCHAMP!PAPER CHAMP!PAPERCHAMP!PAPERCHAMP!PAPERCHAMP!QUACK,QUACK!PAPERCHAMP!QUACK,QUACK!PAPERCHAMP!QUACK,QUACK!PAPERCHAMP!
I may be young, but I'm hung. And I know a chicken when I see it!
ReplyDeletePaper champ! Paper champ! Paper champ!
As usual, the Duck is the recipient of Management's fuckups. First they hand the belt over to an aquatic fucking bird with a hat, then they fuck up his points in the rankings. What the fuck kind of dog and pony and duck show is this?
ReplyDeleteCluck cluck fuck the Duck!