* FUCR THURSDAY! RESULTS * 2/28/13 *

Ladies and gentlemen, THIS FRIDAY marks the biggest event of the season thus far and the return of a tradition - the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix.  But before we can get there, we have to get over the hump of battle, pain and sacrifice.  Ladies and gentlemen, lets get down to the ring.

1)  Why not kick the show off with a main event feud that dominated a portion of last season?  Two legends of the sport - 2 time former World's Champion Dr. Matsumoto (Jesus Christ) and one of his arch rivals and the only man to defeat Matsumoto last season - former World's Champion and former USMC drill sergeant, Sgt. Octopus (Mick "Truck" Drivor) .

It took just over three minutes of action for Dr. Matsumoto to make Sgt. Octopus submit to his Fujiwara Armbar... which means that not only will Sgt. Octopus be on the shelf next week in order to heal the injury - he will also miss the Capitol Punishment Free-for-View and the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix!  It's only our first match and the after-effects are far reaching.



3pts = Dr. Matsumoto via submission @ 3:19

2)  In a surprise upset that shocked even the most knowledgeable members of the FUCR Board of Directors, Michael Three Cheeses (Poppin Corn) defeated Former World's Champion JC Superstar (Millionaire) !!! 

3pts = Michael Three Cheeses via pinfall @5:43

3)  Hannibal Murdoch (Rush Limbaugh) defeated Orville Knorville (Jesus Christ) in what can only be described as a four star, Match of the Year Candidate!  It took 4 minutes for the referee to eject Persuader and once his cheating ways were excluded from the ringside area, Orville Knorville jumped the proverbial ramp, leaped over 47 buses and scored a crash landing pinfall on Murdoch!




3pts = Orville Knorville via pinfall @6:34

4)  Diesel Injun (Poppin Corn) defeated Battle Cat (Simon Pimpleton) despite an excessive amount of cheating by World's Champion Tiger Nightmare, who insists on bringing shame to the rich, rich prize he holds around his waist! 

3pts = Diesel Injun via pinfall @8:34

As has become the norm lately, Simon Pimpleton's appearance at ringside was followed by scads of fans bearing signs and placards proclaiming a variety of statements regarding Simon and his true parentage.

"Cheryl Halstedder is a whore!" said one.  "I'm Simon's real father" and "I'll take a DNA test" said others.  Still other signs were less clever and were emblazoned with crude statements such as "I'm not Simon's dad; I only fucked Cheryl in the ass!" 

Cheryl Halstedder has not issued a statement regarding these allegations as of this writing.

5)  It was a brutal match between the two biggest behemoths in FUCR when Chico Malaise' took on the Chadillac and it took exactly 4 minutes to end.  But they were four of the deadliest minutes we have ever seen.



3pts = Chico Malaise' via pinfall @4:00

6) And finally, our main event.  If Franklin Lloyd Right, Architect of Pain (Rush Limbaugh) can continue his winning ways, he will be crowned #1 contender and face Tiger Nightmare this Friday at Capitol Punishment.  But in order to do that, he must defeat a man with the powers and abilities of the two deadliest animals on the planet - Cobra Jaguar (Simon Pimpleton)!!! 



He did.

3pts = Franklin Lloyd Right via pinfall @10:38

*** And that's the show!  Next up - FUCR is going to Washington DC for our next free-for-view: CAPITOL PUNISHMENT! 
* Tiger Nightmare will defend his World's Heavyweight Championship against Franklin Lloyd Right, the Architect of Pain
* And don't forget the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix!  With a rich tradition dating back to 1998 and tied to the lineage of the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World, this event will feature full stables in action against each other in survivor series style elimination matches!