Ladies and gentlemen, we come bearing bad news.
While on a recent tour of Japan, a small passenger plane carrying nearly 1/2 of the FUCR roster experienced engine failure and crashed into a tour bus carrying most of the rest of the roster. Sadly, every passenger on both the plane and bus were killed instantly.
Please join us in a moment of silence and a ten bell salute to the fallen...
Chico Malaise'
Dr. Matsumoto
Orville Knorville
The Persuader
Franklin Lloyd Right
Hannibal Murdoch
Tiger Nightmare
Cobra Jaguar
Battle Cat
Michael Three-Cheeses
Diesel Injun
Manitou McIntosh
Lee Harvey Awesome, as luck would have it, missed his flight due to being detained at customs. He was found carrying 3 kilos of cocaine strapped under his fat rolls and is currently awaiting trial.
But fear not, managers and fans! The season WILL continue. The surviving members of the roster have been randomly assigned to each manager. For the duration of the season, each manager will now have ONE wrestler under contract and each match will be worth 6 points. Here's how it breaks down...
The Millionaire - The Thrillionaire
Rush Limbaugh - Sgt. Octopus
Mick "Truck" Drivor - Lobo Uno
Simon Pimpleton - The Chadillac
Poppin' Corn - "Kingbee" Willy Malone
Jesus Christ - JC Superstar
The schedule has been adjusted as well and THIS FRIDAY will be the Annual Wheezleton Memoriale, featuring all six wrestlers... with the World's Heavyweight Championship on the line!
(In addition, the Manager of the Year Award will not be given to the manager with the most accumulated points, but to the manager who has both the most points and the most title reigns, but we'll worry about that later)
WAIT A MINUTE!!! So just because I fund our own travel with my stable and don't go through shitty FUCR sanctioned travel, now MY STABLE must feel the pain!?! My stable made it out scott free!! And because I actually care for my stable and treat them like family... I get my family torn away from me. Well, just to let it be known how much I care for this fed by sharing my stable with the rest of FUCR, I think the manager of the year should be named after myself... The Millionaire's Manager Of the Year Trophy!!
ReplyDeleteAlso, does this mean that since KingBee was champ under my expert managering, it would only make sense for The Thrillionaire to be champ now as well. No need to throw this entire season under the bus!
So you are taking away my world class stable AND my world championship!?!
ReplyDeleteFUCR says "HEY, how can we really FUCK OVER The Millionaire even worse than last season?"
I see, FUCR, you never want me to win manager of the year, it all makes sense to me now. Do whatever you have to do to keep me down. It's been the story of my life ever since I got into the goddamn fantasy rasslin industry!
The Duck is right! This Affirmative Action league has gone too far! Not only has a high achieving white duck been screwed over in terms of his wrestlers, he's also been robbed of his EARNED championship!
ReplyDeleteUs White wealth creators have been the target of liberal do-gooders for too long! While I'm glad to be out from under the burden of a lousy stable (good riddance), and I'm more than pleased to be managing a military man (SA-LUTE!), I find this oppression of an honest, hard working, white duck to be the worst thing this league has done so far.
Plane/bus crash or no, the Millionaire and I agree and this reverse racism HAS TO STOP!