As is our norm, the action was insane this week. Insane.
1) It would seem the Prince of Peace has deserted his flock, as Jesus Christ - the alleged Manager of Managers - has been on the boards quite infrequently. Without his guiding hand, his stable has been lost. This week, Lee Harvey Awesome and Orville Knorville take on the most unlikely of teams - arch-enemies JC Superstar and Michael Three Cheeses.
3pts = Michael Three Cheeses via pinfall @ 9:50
3pts = JC Superstar
It would seem that JC Superstar is finally on the road to redemption and regaining his mojo. And perhaps he even found some new disciples in the form of the Dog Soldiers... but wouldn't you know it? After the match and a quick handshake, Michael Three-Cheeses slapped the former World's Champion in the face. The Dog Soldiers quickly attacked, producing a large, wooden, cross-shaped object from beneath the ring. They proceeded to strap JC Superstar to the object, which was then suspended above the ring until officials drove the Dog Soldiers off and rescued the Superstar. Poppin' Corn looked on with a smile on his face...
2) Lobo Uno had a bone to pick with Cobra Jaguar. And pick it he did! Despite the seemingly endless amount of cheating and chicanery on the part of the reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion, Tiger Nightmare, the Lone Wolf who walks the lonely road vengeance with no one beside him but himself won the day.
And if you want to have your socks blown clear off of your tootsies, watch the video. SERIOUSLY. Watch it.
3pts = Lobo Uno via pinfall @ 8:10
3) The Chadillac sustained a fairly severe sprain to his elbow and a mild concussion to his occipital protuberance at the CAPITOL PUNISHMENT free-for-view last week. Nevertheless, he came prepared to fight as he took former World's Heavyweight Champion The Persuader. The match spilled outside of the ring on several occasions, enabling Hannibal Murdoch and Franklin Lloyd Right, the other members of the Deadly Friends, to play havoc upon the Chadillac's injuries. It was far from fair, but the crowd supported the Chadillac's effort.
After the match, ringside officials attempted to help the Chadillac back to the locker room, but he wouldn't have it. He stumbled, he fell and he barely made it... but in the end, he walked back to the locker room of his own accord, proving that he is all man and a yard wide.
3pts = The Persuader @5:12
4) Chico Malaise' won the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix last week and Diesel Injun challenged him - not for the World's Title shot that comes along with winning the Grand Prix, but for the actual Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World, a title which has not been regularly defended in over 5 years! The Hungarian League of Professional Grappling Agencies (HLPGA) agreed to put the belt on the line in an official capacity and it. was. ON!
3pts = Chico Malaise' via pinfall @7:44 after a particularly brutal matchup.
5) And finally, that brings us to our main event - a rematch from the Capital Punishment free-for-view: Franklin Lloyd Right challenging the World's Heavyweight Champion Tiger Nightmare, but this time - trapped within the confines of a steel cage! With the Deadly Friends and the Grapplecats barred from ringside, would the outcome of this match turn out any different?
Yes. This time, it only took a little over 2 minutes for Tiger Nightmare to successfully defend his title.
4 pts = Tiger Nightmare via pinfall @ 2:24
And that's our show for this week! All injuries are healed and everyone is back on the active roster next week! Chico Malaise' still has a guaranteed shot at the World's Championship under whatever stipulation he wants! And YOU still have the right to challenge your opponent and hope to win championship gold, the season or both!
The white man befriended my people before turning on us... this time, we befriended the White Man's God and turned on him.
ReplyDeleteJC Superstar. Millionaire. We are warriors, so let us settle this as warriors. We are a tribe. Let this be settled among tribes. It is not necessary for eagles to be crows.
Michael Three Cheeses and Manitou McIntosh wish to do battle with the Black Man Who Is The White Man's God. We challenge JC Superstar to find a partner - ANY PARTNER - and meet us next week in the squared circle in a tag team match.
Lobo Uno...partner up with one of your greaseball friends, because Cobra Jaguar and Battlecat challenge youu to a tag match!
ReplyDeleteMichael Three-Cheeses!?! Seems more like Michael FOUR-Cheeses with the co-ho-naes you're pretending you have. Too bad your Cheese Balls only turned out being small curds.
ReplyDeleteBUT, you got JC's attention. He's afraid of heights and that just terrified him... being up there in those rafters. This is the main reason he's still on Earth, he got scared 10 feet up during the Ascension and demanded to be put down. He's been on Earth ever since.
Because of this, he wants to kick your butthole into next week. So you better strap your butthole's socks up real tight because he's pretty mad.
SCREW tag match!! Esteemed LORD vs. an apple... RED on the outside, WHITE AS HELL on the inside!!
ReplyDeleteand for all the people saying that they fucked my mom...well...so did I! Except I came from the inside out! The Devil's Spawn...the little boy down the lane, who mows your lawn...except I'll steal your pop bottles right out the garage! Leave my Ma alone...she's a classy lady. Y'all are just trash! Eating hamburger off paper plates! Tonto...The Duck...School Bus Drivor...Gush Ramslogs...Jesus...If I forgot anyone, you can kiss my ass. These are the itches that need my scratching. The brown sticky liquid under my effervecent fizz! And if I spelled that wrong, you can kiss my ass too. This manager of champions thing is so easy, I think that it's almost embarassing calling yourself that. I think I'll just all myself The Amazing King Simon!
ReplyDeleteGRAPPLECATS!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
ReplyDeleteSeems to me like a manager can only challenge with one of their grapplers, and not two at the same time. And Thus, Frankling Lloyd Right wants revenge on Pimpleton's stable via the dismantling of Battle Cat, in a cage. Technicalities? Rules? So do. Do.
ReplyDeletePer the rules set forth at the beginning of the season, pre-drafted stables (Grapplecats, Dog Soldiers, Deadly Friends) are allowed the option to challenge (or be challenged) as a team. Thusly, next week's matches stand as such...
ReplyDelete1) Manitou McIntosh & MC3 vs. JC Superstar & _________
2) Battle Cat & Cobra Jaguar vs. Lobo Uno & _________
Will anyone step up and join these solo wrestlers in their tag matches? Or will they remain partnerless, forcing the Board of Directors to choose suitable grapplers to fill the void?
Never mind that last challenge, I'm sure that affirmative CAcTion will allow the SnappleCats to avoid actual competition that doesn't allow them to hold each other's paws. Bunch of fuzzy Persian lap cats.
ReplyDeleteIn the spirit of tag-teaming, and we're not talking about Pimpleton's mom, Franklin Lloyd Right and Persuader challenge Jesus Christ's Orville Knorville and some other closet homosexual to a tag match. So DO. Do...
1) Manitou McIntosh & MC3 vs. JC Superstar & _________
ReplyDelete2) Battle Cat & Cobra Jaguar vs. Lobo Uno & _________
3) FLR & Persuader vs. Orville Knorville & ________
Well, Rush Limbaugh, Poppin Corn and Simon Pimpleton are all booked up. We still haven't heard from Mick "Truck" Drivor or Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers - and The Millionaire never issued a challenge of his own!
Will anyone step up and join these solo wrestlers in their tag matches? Or will they remain partnerless, forcing the Board of Directors to choose suitable grapplers to fill the void?
Will the remaining three managers issue challenges?
Will anyone survive?!?!?!
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ReplyDeleteLadies and gentlemen, the FUCR Board of Directors, in their infinite stupidity, have allowed the managers to book themselves into a corner. With three tag matches scheduled and three open spots, the only possible choices which remain are to fill those open slots, resulting in a three-match card for next week.
But that's fine. We let FUCR run the World's Championship and we let them run the show, so why not run it into the ground?
Here's the scoop: Those three tag matches? Consider them ROUND ONE of the WORLD'S TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT.
Millionaire, Mr. Drivor, Mr. Christ... pick your spots. There's more than just pride on the line now.
We have spoken.
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Are you a real American? If you are, you should be my friend on Google plus so we can share the wisdom of the ages, speak to other concerned citizens (I currently have 47 fans), and do something about the liberal elite trampling all over the Constitution and our 2nd Amendment rights to bare arms! Time to bring out the big guns, WHOOOOOOO!!!
ReplyDeleteThat's nice.
ReplyDeleteWe would like to mention that the remaining managers are not obligated to team the remaining members of their stables. ie - if The Millionaire wants to put Chadillac on a team with Orville Knorville or Mick Drivor wants to put Sgt. Octopus on a team with JC Superstar, that's perfectly acceptable.
And we thank the VGWA, largest and oldest governing and sanctioning body in the world of professional fantasy wrestling, for the grace and dignity with which they handled this event.
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ReplyDeleteShut the fuck up, you assholes. You're lucky we don't give the World Championship back to Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate.
God damn, what a mess you've made of Wheezleton's dream... his coke-fueled, drug addled dream...
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I don't know how this tourney will be seeded, but Just remember who is undefeated in tag team competition...The real world champions of tag team wrestling...The Grapplecats! And Rush...don't worry about the grapplecats, old man. Maybe you should check yourself, before you wreck yourself. If your stable was a birthday candle...well we already made our wish and blew you right out. I don't think we could beat up on you nancy boys any more than we already have! Two minutes? TWO MINUTES? Whatta bunch of wet cracks you all are...wet from your fresh fucking! All Hail The Amazing King Simon...and The GRAPPLECATS! GGGRROOOWWWLLLL!!!
ReplyDeleteI challenged for a single match. When I started my post there was nothing else on the message board, when i finished, I was booked in a bullshit match which made you change your rules of the season. That's what you get! This tag team aspect is pretty stupid. Now some stables can't solely hold the tag belts, you'll have to share it. That's fucking LAME!
ReplyDeleteI gave you my challenge!!
Fuck It!
ReplyDeleteMight as well put Chadillac in with JC Superstar to completely contradict this stupid clusterfuck that I got shunned for trying to do during week 1.
Pimpleton, your creepy 3-14 year old keister is the only one who gives a shit about tags and the only one to challenge as a team (ALWAYS, yawn...). So saying you're the undefeated champion of tags is about as impressive as saying that you're the butt plug champion just because your stable's the only team to wrestle with their anuses chock full of baby carrots. So congratulations, you've managed to work your way all the way to "Anus Chock Full of Baby Carrots Tag Champions". Well done, sir. Well done. The belt is in the mail. Feel free to make up some other shit that makes you feel better about your substandard litter of wrestlers.
ReplyDeleteBut on to matters of actual importance.
The Duck is right! After rereading his rambling first comment my linguisticians were able to decipher the seemingly random quacks as an actual challenge. A poorly worded, half assed challenge, but a challenge nonetheless, my friends! The Duck has been poked yet again! It figures that a rich white male (duck) would be targeted by FUCR! Tell me, does the "U" in FUCR stand for United Nations? Well I tell you one thing, my friend. I won't sit idly by and allow some grocery boy of the one world government push ME around! I demand justice for the Duck. He has been openly and flagrantly robbed, and such a mistake of the league must be remedied by some mediation for the duck, perhaps a World Championship shot when he wants. Or perhaps in a future tournament he be allowed to enter three wrestlers instead of two. Irregardless! This will not stand and I assure you that if the league lets this clear flaunting of the rules then the entire institution of Fantasy Online Wrestling is nothing but a sham. And that's what makes eagles cry. God bless America and the wealth creators such as myself and Mr. Duck. Amen.
Pimpleass We are almost getting tired of kicking your little pussies asses, almost. So if you insist one more time Chico Malaise, the undisputed hungarian heavyweight champion, will team up with the #1 wolf Lobo Uno to roll right over your little Grapple kitties like a raccoon on the highway. The Mechanix are ready to work
ReplyDeleteSomebody check RUSH to make sure he's OK... I think somebody hi-jacked his keyboard. He's not wired to "agree" with an enemy. Something is VERY WRONG!!
ReplyDeleteMy good duck, our similarities far outweigh our differences! We wealth creators and entrepreneurs need to stick together!
ReplyDeleteThere is a traitor in my house ... I have been absent and in hiding. Coming back wasn't the best idea. One of my three will betray me when the cock, sorry, Rush crows three times. My end is nigh ... Again. I don't know who to trust right now so anyone who wants a piece of my men, come and get it. I can't have anyone's interest in mind until this is finished! Fucrasslin, why have you forsaken me!
ReplyDelete**********************************
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, FUCR Board of Directors. You just sit this one out and let the big boys handle this...
Millionaire, no matter how much money you and Rush Limbaugh have, you can't buy your way to the top in FUCR and you can't use your golden umbrella to leverage your way out of this one. If you scroll up to the top of the comments section, you'll see that Poppin' Corn's comment is first. Matter of fact, he posted nearly 20 minutes before you. It took you almost TWENTY minutes to post that rambling stream of nonsensical gibberish? Have you been digging into Rush's stash again?
And are you SERIOUSLY going to tell a fucking NATIVE AMERICAN that you got fucked over? It seems that you and Rush Limbaugh really do have a lot in common.
Here's the card for next week.
1) Manitou McIntosh & MC3 vs. JC Superstar & Chadillac
2) Battle Cat & Cobra Jaguar vs. Lobo Uno & Chico Malaise'
3) FLR & Persuader vs. Orville Knorville & ________
Jesus? Care to issue a challenge? Or are you just going to pull that "Take on any of my guys" crap again?
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Seriously?
ReplyDeleteCan... can we just run our own wrestling league here? I mean... come on, guys.
Come on.
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ReplyDeleteNo. And fuck you.
And you better watch that smart mouth or we'll leave a governor here to keep things under control.
We've altered the deal. Pray we don't alter it any further.
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Whatever. We're booking the final match.
ReplyDelete1) Manitou McIntosh & MC3 vs. JC Superstar & Chadillac
2) Battle Cat & Cobra Jaguar vs. Lobo Uno & Chico Malaise'
3) FLR & Persuader vs. Orville Knorville & Dr. Matsumoto
While it seems perfectly logical, to me, that Rush Limbaugh and The Millionare would see eye to eyes on some general, and common interests, I am utterly shocked by the line of utter bull coming from the mouths of most managers now.
ReplyDeleteTiger Nightmare could defend his title or Chico Malaise cash in his title shot. But instead, the so called "good of the many" outweights the "good of the few" and all we have is tag team matches.
A tag team championship, is now being made? Promoting and investing in a co-operative. Very nice, FUCR. While ideas like this may be popular in New York or what have you but these communistic and occult ideas are not appreciated throughought much, if not most, of the United States.
I wish the best to men like Rush Limbaugh and admire his strength. I wanted to see Sgt. Octopus fight more, as a former fellow Marine, I appreciated and cheered for his efforts. We need more men like him, Rush Limbaugh and the Persuader and like JC Superstar and such who understand what it means to be an American.
#Rush4Life