After much delay, our flagship event is finally here! It's been a long and tumultuous season wrought with controversy, chaos and tragedy. But now, the pot at the end of the rainbow has arrived. Before we begin, let's take a look at the point standings and review the matches.
Lobo Uno, managed by Mick "Truck" Drivor, will be accepting the challenge of two time former World's Champion The Thrillionaire, managed by the self-proclaimed "most fucked man in wrestling", The Millionaire. With 48 and 46 points respectively, this 10-point match could set either man over the edge and crown a Manager of the Year.
Our other big match is a champion vs. champion encounter pitting three-time World's Heavyweight Champion "Kingbee" Willy Malone (managed by Poppin' Corn) against former World's Champion and two-time Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World, The Chadillac (managed by Simon Pimpleton).
The match is worth only 3 points, which are enough to cement Poppin' Corn as Manager of the Year, but what's really on the line here is the pride of two legendary wrestling promotions.
It was 2007 when Charles "Stinkyteats" Wheezleton broke away from the VGWA to establish his own title - the World's Championship. And in time, that belt gained prominence over the Hungarian Title; even after FUCR was folded back into the VGWA. Over the following five years, it has been a battle for dominance between these two promotions. And it hasn't been without incident...
Who can forget when VGWA stars such as Monte Altazzar, Pappy, Jon Derby, Manimal, Bronson Thunderhammer, Scissorwolf and others defected to join the ranks of the Nintendo Wrestling Association (and later FUCR)? And who can forget when 50-time Hungarian Champion "Polish Prince" Chad Derdowski nearly bankrupted the NWA when he and Pappy were caught supplying the underage Jenny Glorpp with alcohol?
And who can forget when legendary VGWA performer Blackjack Billy "the Kingpin" LaLonde started his own rival promotion and was briefly awarded control of the World's Championship by the VGWA Board of Directors? What about Monte Altazzar's mysterious death? A death which has yet to be solved?
And now, the second generation of stars takes the stage as men like The Thrillionaire, the Chadillac and "Kingbee" Willy Malone ascend to the heavens of professional fantasy wrestling...
Also on the card tonight, Dr. Sydney M. Basil reveals the TRUTH about Simon Pimpleton's parentage!
1) The first half of our double main event was nearly 12 minutes of non-stop action and pain. Both men knew they were fighting to secure the top spot for their managers and both men knew that they wanted to make the other suffer as much as possible. But in the end, only one man could walk away with the prize and that man was the lone wolf who walks alone and stalks the night as a one-man wolfpack, but not a lame one-man wolfpack like those shitty Hangover sequels - a fucking REAL fucking one-man wolfpack, and that man is LOBO UNO.
10 points = Lobo Uno via pinfall@ 6:35.
Before the 2nd half of the double main event on our two match card could take place, the VGWA Board of Directors took to the ring. They said that the Wrestler of the Year award had already been determined, despite the season not quite being over! This year was a special year, they said and as such, unfurled a rather expensive and fancy looking piece of parchment. The ring bell, it chimed until it rang 29 times for each man who died this season and then some.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Wrestlers of the Year for the 2013 season are:
Tiger Nightmare
Cobra Jaguar
Battle Cat
Persuader
Franklin Lloyd Right, the Architect of Pain
Hannibal Murdoch
Orville Knorville
Chico Malaise'
Dr. Matsumoto
Diesel Injun
Michael Three Cheeses
Manitou McIntosh
And now, lets quit all our cryin' and bellyachin' and get to the main event!
2) The match was 2-out-of-3 falls. The participants involved were the alleged illegitimate love child of "Kingpin" Billy LaLonde and Queen Bee, "Kingbee" Willy Malone and his arch rival, the protégé of the most decorated Hungarian Champion ever, The Chadillac. Both the World's Heavyweight Championship and the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World, with a lineage dating back to last century, were on the line, though technically, this was not a title unification match as both belts will be defended under separate contracts.
The first fall went to "Kingbee" at 5:28 when The Chadillac tapped out to his Human Torture Rack. The second fall also went to Malone at 7:45 ... same hold. Same results.
3 points and the Hungarian Championship were awarded to Kingbee's manager, Poppin' Corn, bringing his total up to 58 points!
"Kingbee" Willy Malone celebrated in the ring, embracing Chadillac and referring to himself as the Undisputed World's Heavyweight Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World... a shower of black and yellow confetti littered the ring and the arena.
And then Lobo Uno's music hit.
Accompanied by Mick "Truck" Drivor, who promptly stated that with 58 points of his own, he was tied with Poppin' Corn as the Manager of the Year, the one-man stalking nightmare of wolfocity spit upon "Kingbee" and called his dual championship worthless.
And then Dr. Sydney M. Basil hit the ring.
Holding a manila envelope, Basil stated that any and all disputes over awards would simply have to wait... because he had the results from Simon Pimpleton's paternity test in his hand. Basil was joined by Pimpleton and his mother, Cheryl Halstedder. Fans noted that Pimpleton looked older somehow and it was confirmed by both his mother and his doctor that yes, Simon Pimpleton does in fact suffer from Soap Opera Children's Disorder, commonly known as SOCP, a disease which causes a child to age to their teen years rapidly after spending a brief period of time away at summer camp or on a vacation.
Choosing not to waste any more time, Dr. Basil produced the results of the paternity test and it was revealed that Simon Pimpleton's TRUE father was...
...
...
CHARLES "STINKYTEATS" WHEEZLETON
And the crowd. Went. Nuts.
Pimpleton grabbed the microphone. He spit in Malone's face and called him a paper champ. The Chadillac attacked Malone from behind and Lobo Uno put Poppin' Corn in a full nelson. Simon Pimpleton... or should we say SIMON WHEEZLETON declared himself the King of FUCR and now that he was heir to the proverbial throne of professional fantasy wrestling, he chose to become the tiebreaker... the Manager of the Year Award goes to Mick "Truck" Drivor, who wins by decision!!!
The crowd littered the ring with trash as the heels savagely beat both the Champ and his manager, leaving a pile of broken bodies in the ring. Jenny Glorpp joined Simon Wheezleton in the ring and the two began passionately kissing! Simon put his hand up her shirt and brazenly felt her up on live television while Jenny stroked the growing bulge in his pants! It was disgusting! Finally, the show went off the air with Wheezleton, Drivor, Lobo Uno, Chadillac and Jenny Glorpp celebrating while Willy Malone and Poppin Corn were carted out of the arena - championships intact, but pride and bodies badly hurt.
And that's the season, folks! Who says 2013 is bad luck?
Showing posts with label FFV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FFV. Show all posts
27.3.13
* THE WHEEZLETON MEMORIALE *
With sadness in our hearts, we bring you the results of the Wheezleton Memoriale. This year, the event will be held with more than just Charles "Stinkyteats" and Ebeneezer Wheezleton in mind... this year, we also honor the twelve FUCR wrestlers who lost their lives.
This year, out of respect for those who died, there will be no points on the line in the Wheezleton Memoriale - save for the 1 point awarded to the winner, who shall be crowned the NEW World's Heavyweight Championship.
The entrants are as follows...
Lobo Uno - Mick "Truck" Drivor
The Thrillionaire - The Millionaire
The Chadillac - The Amazing Simon Pimpleton
Sgt. Octopus - Rush Limbaugh
J.C. Superstar - Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers
and the current reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion, "Kingbee" Willy Malone, represented by Poppin' Corn.
While we recognize that draft didn't exactly shake out to everyone's liking, we ask you to remember that it was, in fact, 100% random and we also ask that you remember The Persuader, Franklin Lloyd Right, Dr. Matsumoto, Orville Knorvil, Chico Malaise', Tiger Nightmare, Cobra Jaguar, Battle Cat, Michael Three-Cheeses, Diesel Injun and Manitou McIntosh. Remember that they died and respectfully shut the fuck up.
Now, on to the match!
1) Sgt. Octopus pinned JC Superstar @ 4:20
2) Chadillac pinned the Thrillionaire @ 4:32
3) Lobo Uno pinned Kingbee @ 5:22
4) Chadillac pinned Lobo Uno @ 8:15
5) Chadillac pinned Sgt. Octopus @ 9:57 to become the NEW Undisputed World's Heavyweight Champion!
The only existing footage of the event is this grainy fan-cam work...
Well, that's it. We've got four weeks left in this, the most bittersweet of seasons and you've got to get your challenges in. It is with heavy hearts that these six competitors continue on their path to yet another season marked with an asterisk in the record books..
This year, out of respect for those who died, there will be no points on the line in the Wheezleton Memoriale - save for the 1 point awarded to the winner, who shall be crowned the NEW World's Heavyweight Championship.
The entrants are as follows...
Lobo Uno - Mick "Truck" Drivor
The Thrillionaire - The Millionaire
The Chadillac - The Amazing Simon Pimpleton
Sgt. Octopus - Rush Limbaugh
J.C. Superstar - Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers
and the current reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion, "Kingbee" Willy Malone, represented by Poppin' Corn.
While we recognize that draft didn't exactly shake out to everyone's liking, we ask you to remember that it was, in fact, 100% random and we also ask that you remember The Persuader, Franklin Lloyd Right, Dr. Matsumoto, Orville Knorvil, Chico Malaise', Tiger Nightmare, Cobra Jaguar, Battle Cat, Michael Three-Cheeses, Diesel Injun and Manitou McIntosh. Remember that they died and respectfully shut the fuck up.
Now, on to the match!
1) Sgt. Octopus pinned JC Superstar @ 4:20
2) Chadillac pinned the Thrillionaire @ 4:32
3) Lobo Uno pinned Kingbee @ 5:22
4) Chadillac pinned Lobo Uno @ 8:15
5) Chadillac pinned Sgt. Octopus @ 9:57 to become the NEW Undisputed World's Heavyweight Champion!
The only existing footage of the event is this grainy fan-cam work...
Well, that's it. We've got four weeks left in this, the most bittersweet of seasons and you've got to get your challenges in. It is with heavy hearts that these six competitors continue on their path to yet another season marked with an asterisk in the record books..
28.2.13
* CAPITOL PUNISHMENT * Free-For-View * RESULTS! *
Welcome, wrestling fans, to the biggest event of the season (so far). Not only will the reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion Tiger Nightmare be defending his title against #1 contender Franklin Lloyd Right, Capitol Punishment is also home to the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix. Dating back to 1998, the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World was the top prize in professional fantasy wrestling for many years. Now, it is defending annually in an ever-evolving tournament.
Here's how it works: Round One will feature stable vs. stable action and more violence than a gaggle of studs let loose in a barn full of fillies. The matches will be fought elimination style and the survivors will each receive 3 points for victory.
Round Two is a 6-man Beyond Thunderdome: War Games match. The competitors will receive 3 points for each pinfall (or submission) they score and an additional 3 points for overall victory? Confused? Too bad! Let's get to the ring...
1) The first match pitted Jesus Christ, Manager of Manager's stable against Poppin' Corn's Dog Soldiers. These two managers have fought tooth and nail over differences in faith and today, it all comes to a head. And it went down like this:
* Diesel Injun pinned Dr. Matsumoto @ 15:17
* Michael Three-Cheeses pinned Lee Harvey Awesome @ 17:35
* Manitou McIntosh pinned Orville Knorville @ 19:48
3pts = Diesel Injun
3pts = Michael Three-Cheeses
3pts = Manitou McIntosh
2) Next up, The Millionaire's Million Dollar Dream Team took on Grapplecats... but since Tiger Nightmare is in the main event, we're letting him save himself and giving him the match off. So the match ended up going like this...
* Cobra Jaguar made "Kingbee" Willy Malone tap @ 14:51
* Cobra Jaguar was counted out @ 15:12 when an outside-the-ring scuffle with JC Superstar went on a little too long!
* JC Superstar pinned Battle Cat @ 17:08
3pts = JC Superstar
3pts = Chadillac
3) The next match saw the Deadly Friends take on Mick Drivor's team of ... uh... well, we don't have a catchy name for them. But they're really tough. And the same rules applied to the Deadly Friends - we let FLR have the match off to prepare for his title shot. But just as the match was about to start, who should run to the ring but last year's Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix winner, The Phantom Dandy!
He said there was no way he was going to let the show go on without him and he took the injured Sgt. Octopus' place! As the current reigning Hungarian Champion, we couldn't stop him - plus, he invoked the legendary Bowl Clause in order to insert himself in the match!
* Lobo Uno pinned Persuader @ 16:37
* Phantom Dandy pinned Hannibal Murdoch @ 18:37
3pts = Lobo Uno
3pts = Chico Malaise'
4) Tonight's main event was a classic scientific match-up of epic proportions between Franklin Lloyd Right, the Architect of Pain and Tiger Nightmare - the reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion. The match saw managers on both sides attempt to cheat in order to score victory. The match saw blood, sweat and tears. And finally, the match saw this...
Your winner and STILL World's Champion: Tiger Nightmare!
3pts = Tiger Nightmare
5) Finally, it was time for the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix finale. Per the rules, only 6 men can enter the Thunderdome, so Diesel Injun drew the short straw in order to leave two representatives from each team. Phantom Dandy, having pulled a hamstring during the previous match, sat this one out. The match went like this...
* Manitou McIntosh started the match against his own partner, Michael Three-Cheeses!
* At 1:00, Lobo Uno entered the fray!
* JC Superstar was next in at the 2 minute mark!
* Chadillac was the next entrant at 3 minutes.
* Finally, Chico Malaise' was buzzed in and the War Games began...
* Lobo Uno pinned Michael Three-Cheeses @ 5:10
* Lobo Uno made the Chadillac tap at 7:06
* JC Superstar pinned Manitou McIntosh @ 7:58
* Chico Malaise' pinned his own partner, Lobo Uno, @ 10:18
Chico Malaise pinned JC Superstar @ 11:54 to win! He was granted possession of the old Hungarian Championship belt by Phantom Dandy. In addition, he has the right to challenge for a shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship at any time, under whatever stipulation he chooses!
6pts = Lobo Uno
3pts = JC Superstar
6pts = Chico Malaise
Check the Rasslin' Bidness page to see the month-end score totals! Make a challenge for next week! Remember that Sgt. Octopus and Chadillac are both on the injured list!
Here's how it works: Round One will feature stable vs. stable action and more violence than a gaggle of studs let loose in a barn full of fillies. The matches will be fought elimination style and the survivors will each receive 3 points for victory.
Round Two is a 6-man Beyond Thunderdome: War Games match. The competitors will receive 3 points for each pinfall (or submission) they score and an additional 3 points for overall victory? Confused? Too bad! Let's get to the ring...
1) The first match pitted Jesus Christ, Manager of Manager's stable against Poppin' Corn's Dog Soldiers. These two managers have fought tooth and nail over differences in faith and today, it all comes to a head. And it went down like this:
* Diesel Injun pinned Dr. Matsumoto @ 15:17
* Michael Three-Cheeses pinned Lee Harvey Awesome @ 17:35
* Manitou McIntosh pinned Orville Knorville @ 19:48
3pts = Diesel Injun
3pts = Michael Three-Cheeses
3pts = Manitou McIntosh
2) Next up, The Millionaire's Million Dollar Dream Team took on Grapplecats... but since Tiger Nightmare is in the main event, we're letting him save himself and giving him the match off. So the match ended up going like this...
* Cobra Jaguar made "Kingbee" Willy Malone tap @ 14:51
* Cobra Jaguar was counted out @ 15:12 when an outside-the-ring scuffle with JC Superstar went on a little too long!
* JC Superstar pinned Battle Cat @ 17:08
3pts = JC Superstar
3pts = Chadillac
3) The next match saw the Deadly Friends take on Mick Drivor's team of ... uh... well, we don't have a catchy name for them. But they're really tough. And the same rules applied to the Deadly Friends - we let FLR have the match off to prepare for his title shot. But just as the match was about to start, who should run to the ring but last year's Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix winner, The Phantom Dandy!
He said there was no way he was going to let the show go on without him and he took the injured Sgt. Octopus' place! As the current reigning Hungarian Champion, we couldn't stop him - plus, he invoked the legendary Bowl Clause in order to insert himself in the match!
* Lobo Uno pinned Persuader @ 16:37
* Phantom Dandy pinned Hannibal Murdoch @ 18:37
3pts = Lobo Uno
3pts = Chico Malaise'
4) Tonight's main event was a classic scientific match-up of epic proportions between Franklin Lloyd Right, the Architect of Pain and Tiger Nightmare - the reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion. The match saw managers on both sides attempt to cheat in order to score victory. The match saw blood, sweat and tears. And finally, the match saw this...
Your winner and STILL World's Champion: Tiger Nightmare!
3pts = Tiger Nightmare
5) Finally, it was time for the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix finale. Per the rules, only 6 men can enter the Thunderdome, so Diesel Injun drew the short straw in order to leave two representatives from each team. Phantom Dandy, having pulled a hamstring during the previous match, sat this one out. The match went like this...
* Manitou McIntosh started the match against his own partner, Michael Three-Cheeses!
* At 1:00, Lobo Uno entered the fray!
* JC Superstar was next in at the 2 minute mark!
* Chadillac was the next entrant at 3 minutes.
* Finally, Chico Malaise' was buzzed in and the War Games began...
* Lobo Uno pinned Michael Three-Cheeses @ 5:10
* Lobo Uno made the Chadillac tap at 7:06
* JC Superstar pinned Manitou McIntosh @ 7:58
* Chico Malaise' pinned his own partner, Lobo Uno, @ 10:18
Chico Malaise pinned JC Superstar @ 11:54 to win! He was granted possession of the old Hungarian Championship belt by Phantom Dandy. In addition, he has the right to challenge for a shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship at any time, under whatever stipulation he chooses!
6pts = Lobo Uno
3pts = JC Superstar
6pts = Chico Malaise
Check the Rasslin' Bidness page to see the month-end score totals! Make a challenge for next week! Remember that Sgt. Octopus and Chadillac are both on the injured list!
31.1.13
* DEADLY GENESIS * 2/1/13 * RESULTS
Welcome to the inaugural free-for-view of the 2013 season! Only two matches are in store tonight and no points are on the line (except for the one Championship Point awarded if a new World's Champion is crowned)...
Why waste time? Let's get right to the action. Our first match was a 6-man battle royal with Lobo Uno (Mick "Truck" Drivor) vs. Diesel Injun (Poppin Corn) vs. Cobra Jaguar (Simon Pimpleton) vs. "Kingbee" Willy LaLonde (Millionaire) vs. Lee Harvey Awesome (Jesus Christ) vs. Franklin Lloyd Right, Architect of Pain (Limbaugh) ... and we're of the mind that it's better to SHOW than tell.
We've broken the match into two parts. Those of you who enjoy awesome action will want to watch both. Those who just want to see how it ends should watch part two.
Part One
Part Two
* And now it's time for the main event! A Beyond Thunderdome: War Games Elimination Chamber featuring six of the top stars from each stable. Entering randomly at one minute intervals, these men will battle for the richest prize in the sport: the Undisputed World's Heavyweight Championship!
* Two former World's Champions, in the form of Dr. Matsumoto (Jesus Christ) and The Persuader (Rush Limbaugh) , kicked off the action. At the one-minute mark, Michael Three-Cheeses (Poppin' Corn) entered the fray and went straight for Persuader. At two minutes, another former World's Champion, Sgt. Octopus (Mick "Truck" Drivor), took the fight to Dr. Matsumoto before a free-for-all broke out and all four men traded opponents as often as they traded blows.
Until Tiger Nightmare (Simon Pimpleton) entered the ring and teamed with Michael Three-Cheeses in a futile attempt to eliminate the Persuader. At 4:00,the final combatant - reigning World's Heavyweight Champion J.C Superstar (Millionaire) entered the ring and the War Games began!
* At 8:34, Tiger Nightmare pinned Michael Three-Cheeses
* At 9:17, Tiger Nightmare pinned The Persuader
* At the 9:38 mark, J.C. Superstar pinned Sgt. Octopus, just as he did last season when he won the World's Heavyweight Championship!
* J.C. Superstar pinned Dr. Matsumoto @ 10:16... and then there were two.
Congratulations to Tiger Nightmare, the NEW Undisputed World's Heavyweight Champion via pinfall @ 11:28.
* And that ends Deadly Genesis II - and begins the new season of Fantasy Unlimited Championship Rasslin! Now it's time to get your challenges in for next week! *
Why waste time? Let's get right to the action. Our first match was a 6-man battle royal with Lobo Uno (Mick "Truck" Drivor) vs. Diesel Injun (Poppin Corn) vs. Cobra Jaguar (Simon Pimpleton) vs. "Kingbee" Willy LaLonde (Millionaire) vs. Lee Harvey Awesome (Jesus Christ) vs. Franklin Lloyd Right, Architect of Pain (Limbaugh) ... and we're of the mind that it's better to SHOW than tell.
We've broken the match into two parts. Those of you who enjoy awesome action will want to watch both. Those who just want to see how it ends should watch part two.
Part One
Part Two
* And now it's time for the main event! A Beyond Thunderdome: War Games Elimination Chamber featuring six of the top stars from each stable. Entering randomly at one minute intervals, these men will battle for the richest prize in the sport: the Undisputed World's Heavyweight Championship!
* Two former World's Champions, in the form of Dr. Matsumoto (Jesus Christ) and The Persuader (Rush Limbaugh) , kicked off the action. At the one-minute mark, Michael Three-Cheeses (Poppin' Corn) entered the fray and went straight for Persuader. At two minutes, another former World's Champion, Sgt. Octopus (Mick "Truck" Drivor), took the fight to Dr. Matsumoto before a free-for-all broke out and all four men traded opponents as often as they traded blows.
Until Tiger Nightmare (Simon Pimpleton) entered the ring and teamed with Michael Three-Cheeses in a futile attempt to eliminate the Persuader. At 4:00,the final combatant - reigning World's Heavyweight Champion J.C Superstar (Millionaire) entered the ring and the War Games began!
* At 8:34, Tiger Nightmare pinned Michael Three-Cheeses
* At 9:17, Tiger Nightmare pinned The Persuader
* At the 9:38 mark, J.C. Superstar pinned Sgt. Octopus, just as he did last season when he won the World's Heavyweight Championship!
* J.C. Superstar pinned Dr. Matsumoto @ 10:16... and then there were two.
Congratulations to Tiger Nightmare, the NEW Undisputed World's Heavyweight Champion via pinfall @ 11:28.
* And that ends Deadly Genesis II - and begins the new season of Fantasy Unlimited Championship Rasslin! Now it's time to get your challenges in for next week! *
26.1.13
2013 BEGINS NOW!
Welcome back one and all! Last season, professional fantasy wrestling celebrated its 5th year of existence. As the door of this anniversary closed, a window was opened. And once those curtains were cast aside and the glass panes raised, all were awed as Fantasy Unlimited Championship Rasslin stepped forward into a sunny future. The future of 2013.
Ladies and gentlemen, these are your FUCR managers for the season.
Mick "Truck" Drivor returns and brings with him a stable of purebred stallions including former World's Heavyweight Champion Sgt. Octopus, the dangerous lone wolf known as Lobo Uno and the 7' tall British-Samoan master of mixed/mystical martial arts known as Chico Malaise'.
The Susan Lucci of professional fantasy wrestling, the Millionaire, once again has his sights set on the Prize. His stable consists of returning World's Heavyweight Champion and Wrestler of the Year J.C. Superstar and a couple of second-generation protégés, "Kingbee" Willy Malone and the man they call Chadillac. Will this finally be his year?
Poppin' Corn is fresh out of the microwave and ready to rumble! Inspired by his deep passion for the legacy of the American Indian, he has contracted the services of Michael Three-Cheeses' Dog Soldiers: Diesel Injun and Manitou McIntosh.
Child prodigy The Amazing Simon Pimpleton can't grow a mustache, but his scientific skills would undoubtedly convince a 14th century village that he was a high-level wizard. His dream of petting a kitty put him in contact with the Grapplecats - an international cartel of grapplers sporting a feline gimmick.
And fucking Rush Limbaugh's Deadly Friends. Former World's Champion The Persuader, Franklin Lloyd Right, the Architect of Pain and Hannibal Murdoch.
But seated on a throne of not gold, but only the grass beneath one's feet, Jesus Christ himself lazily ate of an apple and cast his eye toward the vast and mighty cosmos.
"John the Baptist, I'm booooored,", he intoned. "What plaything can you offer me?"
"The planet earth, your majesty." the man who baptized Jesus in the waters of the river Jordan replied.
And lo, the Messiah did see professional fantasy wrestling. And he saw that it was good. Never one to pass up competition and seeking to regain a measure of pride to the detriment of the reigning World's Champion, the Lamb of God has obtained a manager's license. And at his right hand is the dreaded Dr. Matsumoto, two-time World's Champion and the man who defeated Count Dante in mortal combat. Rounding out his stable of characters are stuntman Orville Knorville and the dark horse known as Lee Harvey Awesome.
Next Friday, the 2013 FUCR season kicks off with DEADLY GENESIS II - our first free-for-view. In keeping with the tradition of a level playing field, the World's Heavyweight Championship will defended in a 6-man Beyond Thunderdome: War Games match! JC Superstar will step into the ring with the finest representatives of each stable: Dr. Matsumoto, Sgt. Octopus, Michael Three-Cheeses, Tiger Nightmare and The Persuader! That's four World Champions in one match! That's pure insanity! That's Fantasy Unlimited Championship Rasslin'.
Tune in February 1, 2013 for results.
* card subject to change
Ladies and gentlemen, these are your FUCR managers for the season.
Mick "Truck" Drivor returns and brings with him a stable of purebred stallions including former World's Heavyweight Champion Sgt. Octopus, the dangerous lone wolf known as Lobo Uno and the 7' tall British-Samoan master of mixed/mystical martial arts known as Chico Malaise'.
The Susan Lucci of professional fantasy wrestling, the Millionaire, once again has his sights set on the Prize. His stable consists of returning World's Heavyweight Champion and Wrestler of the Year J.C. Superstar and a couple of second-generation protégés, "Kingbee" Willy Malone and the man they call Chadillac. Will this finally be his year?
Poppin' Corn is fresh out of the microwave and ready to rumble! Inspired by his deep passion for the legacy of the American Indian, he has contracted the services of Michael Three-Cheeses' Dog Soldiers: Diesel Injun and Manitou McIntosh.
Child prodigy The Amazing Simon Pimpleton can't grow a mustache, but his scientific skills would undoubtedly convince a 14th century village that he was a high-level wizard. His dream of petting a kitty put him in contact with the Grapplecats - an international cartel of grapplers sporting a feline gimmick.
And fucking Rush Limbaugh's Deadly Friends. Former World's Champion The Persuader, Franklin Lloyd Right, the Architect of Pain and Hannibal Murdoch.
But seated on a throne of not gold, but only the grass beneath one's feet, Jesus Christ himself lazily ate of an apple and cast his eye toward the vast and mighty cosmos.
"John the Baptist, I'm booooored,", he intoned. "What plaything can you offer me?"
"The planet earth, your majesty." the man who baptized Jesus in the waters of the river Jordan replied.
And lo, the Messiah did see professional fantasy wrestling. And he saw that it was good. Never one to pass up competition and seeking to regain a measure of pride to the detriment of the reigning World's Champion, the Lamb of God has obtained a manager's license. And at his right hand is the dreaded Dr. Matsumoto, two-time World's Champion and the man who defeated Count Dante in mortal combat. Rounding out his stable of characters are stuntman Orville Knorville and the dark horse known as Lee Harvey Awesome.
Next Friday, the 2013 FUCR season kicks off with DEADLY GENESIS II - our first free-for-view. In keeping with the tradition of a level playing field, the World's Heavyweight Championship will defended in a 6-man Beyond Thunderdome: War Games match! JC Superstar will step into the ring with the finest representatives of each stable: Dr. Matsumoto, Sgt. Octopus, Michael Three-Cheeses, Tiger Nightmare and The Persuader! That's four World Champions in one match! That's pure insanity! That's Fantasy Unlimited Championship Rasslin'.
Tune in February 1, 2013 for results.
* card subject to change
24.6.12
* SLAMARAMA * June 25, 2012 * RESULTS *
Five years ago today, Charles "Stinkyteats" Wheezleton saw his dream made real. With the crowning of Monte Altazzar as the first ever Undisputed World's Heavyweight Champion, the dream of breaking down barriers and uniting the various worlds of friends and fantasy wrestling became a truth too powerful to be denied. And today, we congregate to witness and pay homage to the celebration of life, liberty and the pursuit of awesomeness that is Fantasy Unlimited Championship Rasslin'.
Welcome to SLAMARAMA 2012.
We'll be doing things a little differently this year. With the point totals so close, we're going to update you between every match, to let you know exactly where each manager stands at that exact moment. Hopefully this will increase the dramatic tension and make for a better overall experience. And if we're lucky, maybe someone will poop themselves.
Unfortunately (or quite fortunately, depending on who you are), we have an admission to make. A very grievous error has occured on the part of the FUCR Board of Dirctors, one that we luckily (or unluckily, depending on who you are) caught just before we posted these results. If you're usually someone who skims these results, you might just want to start taking your time to read them right now.
Whilst tallying up the point totals to determine Manager of the Year, Wrestler of the Year and all of the runners up, we came to a startling realization: the FUCR Board of Pointkeepers failed to note Pierre St. Cloud's earnings in the Wheezleton Memoriale on the Rasslin Bidness (managers, stables and points) page. The positive side of this error is that it has made for a very exciting season, with the illusion of a much closer race toward the finish line. The negative side, other than the egg on our faces, is the fact that OUI was denied NINE points. But the error, having been discovered, will now be rectified as we enter the final event of the season.
We apologize for any confusion and furor that may be ignited due to this error. We now give you the point totals as they stand now, wish you all the best of luck and kick off SLAMARAMA!
Opulence Unlimited International leads with 62 points
The Millionaire and Profesor Infierno are tied with 55 points each.
Cesar Romero holds steady in 3rd place with 52 points.
Mick "Truck" Drivor, with 41, stands little chance of winning - but you'd never know that by the way his stable fights tooth and nail!
Now let's get to the scrappin'...
1) Our opening match featured two unlikely team ups: Conrad Wolfsbane (Romero) and The Negotiator (Drivor) taking on Tokyo Torres (Infierno) and Pierre St. Cloud (OUI) - the match was a brilliant opener and incited the crowd to a near riot. You can watch most of it right here...
POINT TOTALS
OUI = 62
Millionaire = 55
Infierno = 55
Romero = 55
Drivor = 44
2) The next match featured Danny Divine (OUI) in action against a man not heard of in fantasy wrestling for some time. A name whispered in secret places where ghouls and goblins frequent. A shadowy figure whose tentacles reach across your soul like nails on an existential chalkboard. A man whose presence is so powerful, it actually shorted out our cameras. As a result, we can't show you the match, but can only present this entrance video, taped at Starrcade a few years ago...
Needless to say, the crowd went wild as GOLAR decimated Danny Divine in record time.
POINT TOTALS
OUI = 62
Millionaire = 55
Infierno = 55
Romero = 55
Drivor = 44
3) The cameras still hadn't been fixed when the 4-Way Elimination Match began. The Phantom Dandy, Duke Alexander Stallion, Lassiter Arcade and Maximus Von Zeus went at it like dogs in heat. Except that they were wrestling instead of having sex, and no one's penis got stuck in someone's vagina, necessitating FUCR officials to throw a bucket of water on them to get them apart. Anyway, here's the order of elimination:
* Lassiter Arcade pinned Duke Alexander Stallion @ 6:32 - 1pt
* Lassiter Arcade pinned Maximus Von Zeus @ 8:06 - 1pt
* Phantom Dandy knocked Arcade out @ 10:08 - 4pts
WINNER: Phantom Dandy!
POINT TOTALS
OUI = 66
Millionaire = 55
Infierno = 55
Romero = 55
Drivor = 46
4) The next match featured two former World's Heavyweight Champions and longtime rivals, The Thrillionaire and Dr. Matsumoto, in a TLC match with $25,000 in a briefcase suspended above the ring! The last time these two met, it went over 15 minutes and Matsumoto barely scraped by with a victory. This time, the outcome was decided in less than 5 minutes, prompting many a fan to chant "bullshit!" Nevertheless, we managed to get our cameras operational again and captured the final moments for you here...
POINT TOTALS
OUI = 66
Infierno = 55
Millionaire = 55
Romero = 55
Drivor = 49
5) It only made sense that when Profesor Infierno and The Millionaire once again met in the ring, it would be a battle of magic between Warlock Star and Doctor Spectacular. After all, hadn't these men given us so much magic all season? FUCR officials decided earlier in the day that the contest would be a 2-out-of-3-falls match and it was a fucking barnburner!
POINT TOTALS
OUI = 66
Infierno = 58
Romero = 55
Millionaire = 55
Drivor = 49
6) And there you have it. The season has been decided... or has it?
In light of the fact that OUI has been absent from the message boards for the better part of the past month, we are adding a caveat to their victory and title of Managers of the Year: If a OUI does not issue a statement claiming their prize on the message boards by NOON on Monday, June 25, 2012, they will forfeit the award and it will be given to the runner up! Favor has been on OUI's side this season, and their victories at both of our major events - The Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix and the Wheezleton Memoriale - may not have paid off in World's Title reigns, but they represent two unique prizes that are quite special unto themselves, as OUI's command of the top spot has proven.
But it may all be for naught if Jim and Carol Halstedder can't be bothered to slip out from beneath their satin sheets and claim the prize they so richly deserve. As Dr. Matsumoto's forfeit of the World's Championship earlier this season has proven, the FUCR Board of Directors, in conjunction with the VGWA, the oldest and largest governing and sanctioning body of fantasy professional wrestling isn't fucking around this season. If you don't show up, you get the boot.
Speaking of the runners up and potential Managers of the Year... If Sgt. Octopus is successful in his title defense, his manager (Cesar Romero) will be tied with Profesor Infierno at 58 points, in which case a sudden death match will determine the winner. But if JC Superstar is successful, it will propel The Millionaire to the top spot with 59 points!
And the World's Heavyeight Championship still hangs in the balance between Sgt. Octopus and his #1
Contender, JC Superstar. It's been a long, hard road for both men, and their final battle must be decided in the deadliest match of alll - A BEYOND THUNDERDOME CAGE MATCH!
So how did it go down? It took only 4 minutes and 12 seconds...
POINT TOTALS
OUI = 66 - Manager of the Year! (provisional)
The Millionaire = 59
Profesor Infierno = 58
Cesar Romero = 55
Mick "Truck" Drivor = 49
And that's the season! Congratulations to the new World's Heavyweight Champion (and with a grand total of 30 points, the Wrestler of the Year) JC Superstar! And Congratulations to Opulence Unlimited International - the Managers of the Year!
And perhaps, congratulations to The Millionaire, the runner up and potential Manager of the Year if OUI does not claim their prize!
Most of all, thank you to everyone who participated this season, and even to those of you who didn't. Without you, FUCR would be nothing more than a man smoking pot, watching his video game play against itself, recording the matches and posting them online. But because of you, it is a shared tradition of friendship, love, hatred, thinly veiled homosexuality, violence and anger. YOU are what makes the magic happen.
See you next season!
Welcome to SLAMARAMA 2012.
We'll be doing things a little differently this year. With the point totals so close, we're going to update you between every match, to let you know exactly where each manager stands at that exact moment. Hopefully this will increase the dramatic tension and make for a better overall experience. And if we're lucky, maybe someone will poop themselves.
Unfortunately (or quite fortunately, depending on who you are), we have an admission to make. A very grievous error has occured on the part of the FUCR Board of Dirctors, one that we luckily (or unluckily, depending on who you are) caught just before we posted these results. If you're usually someone who skims these results, you might just want to start taking your time to read them right now.
Whilst tallying up the point totals to determine Manager of the Year, Wrestler of the Year and all of the runners up, we came to a startling realization: the FUCR Board of Pointkeepers failed to note Pierre St. Cloud's earnings in the Wheezleton Memoriale on the Rasslin Bidness (managers, stables and points) page. The positive side of this error is that it has made for a very exciting season, with the illusion of a much closer race toward the finish line. The negative side, other than the egg on our faces, is the fact that OUI was denied NINE points. But the error, having been discovered, will now be rectified as we enter the final event of the season.
We apologize for any confusion and furor that may be ignited due to this error. We now give you the point totals as they stand now, wish you all the best of luck and kick off SLAMARAMA!
Opulence Unlimited International leads with 62 points
The Millionaire and Profesor Infierno are tied with 55 points each.
Cesar Romero holds steady in 3rd place with 52 points.
Mick "Truck" Drivor, with 41, stands little chance of winning - but you'd never know that by the way his stable fights tooth and nail!
Now let's get to the scrappin'...
1) Our opening match featured two unlikely team ups: Conrad Wolfsbane (Romero) and The Negotiator (Drivor) taking on Tokyo Torres (Infierno) and Pierre St. Cloud (OUI) - the match was a brilliant opener and incited the crowd to a near riot. You can watch most of it right here...
POINT TOTALS
OUI = 62
Millionaire = 55
Infierno = 55
Romero = 55
Drivor = 44
2) The next match featured Danny Divine (OUI) in action against a man not heard of in fantasy wrestling for some time. A name whispered in secret places where ghouls and goblins frequent. A shadowy figure whose tentacles reach across your soul like nails on an existential chalkboard. A man whose presence is so powerful, it actually shorted out our cameras. As a result, we can't show you the match, but can only present this entrance video, taped at Starrcade a few years ago...
Needless to say, the crowd went wild as GOLAR decimated Danny Divine in record time.
POINT TOTALS
OUI = 62
Millionaire = 55
Infierno = 55
Romero = 55
Drivor = 44
3) The cameras still hadn't been fixed when the 4-Way Elimination Match began. The Phantom Dandy, Duke Alexander Stallion, Lassiter Arcade and Maximus Von Zeus went at it like dogs in heat. Except that they were wrestling instead of having sex, and no one's penis got stuck in someone's vagina, necessitating FUCR officials to throw a bucket of water on them to get them apart. Anyway, here's the order of elimination:
* Lassiter Arcade pinned Duke Alexander Stallion @ 6:32 - 1pt
* Lassiter Arcade pinned Maximus Von Zeus @ 8:06 - 1pt
* Phantom Dandy knocked Arcade out @ 10:08 - 4pts
WINNER: Phantom Dandy!
POINT TOTALS
OUI = 66
Millionaire = 55
Infierno = 55
Romero = 55
Drivor = 46
4) The next match featured two former World's Heavyweight Champions and longtime rivals, The Thrillionaire and Dr. Matsumoto, in a TLC match with $25,000 in a briefcase suspended above the ring! The last time these two met, it went over 15 minutes and Matsumoto barely scraped by with a victory. This time, the outcome was decided in less than 5 minutes, prompting many a fan to chant "bullshit!" Nevertheless, we managed to get our cameras operational again and captured the final moments for you here...
POINT TOTALS
OUI = 66
Infierno = 55
Millionaire = 55
Romero = 55
Drivor = 49
5) It only made sense that when Profesor Infierno and The Millionaire once again met in the ring, it would be a battle of magic between Warlock Star and Doctor Spectacular. After all, hadn't these men given us so much magic all season? FUCR officials decided earlier in the day that the contest would be a 2-out-of-3-falls match and it was a fucking barnburner!
POINT TOTALS
OUI = 66
Infierno = 58
Romero = 55
Millionaire = 55
Drivor = 49
6) And there you have it. The season has been decided... or has it?
In light of the fact that OUI has been absent from the message boards for the better part of the past month, we are adding a caveat to their victory and title of Managers of the Year: If a OUI does not issue a statement claiming their prize on the message boards by NOON on Monday, June 25, 2012, they will forfeit the award and it will be given to the runner up! Favor has been on OUI's side this season, and their victories at both of our major events - The Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix and the Wheezleton Memoriale - may not have paid off in World's Title reigns, but they represent two unique prizes that are quite special unto themselves, as OUI's command of the top spot has proven.
But it may all be for naught if Jim and Carol Halstedder can't be bothered to slip out from beneath their satin sheets and claim the prize they so richly deserve. As Dr. Matsumoto's forfeit of the World's Championship earlier this season has proven, the FUCR Board of Directors, in conjunction with the VGWA, the oldest and largest governing and sanctioning body of fantasy professional wrestling isn't fucking around this season. If you don't show up, you get the boot.
Speaking of the runners up and potential Managers of the Year... If Sgt. Octopus is successful in his title defense, his manager (Cesar Romero) will be tied with Profesor Infierno at 58 points, in which case a sudden death match will determine the winner. But if JC Superstar is successful, it will propel The Millionaire to the top spot with 59 points!
And the World's Heavyeight Championship still hangs in the balance between Sgt. Octopus and his #1
Contender, JC Superstar. It's been a long, hard road for both men, and their final battle must be decided in the deadliest match of alll - A BEYOND THUNDERDOME CAGE MATCH!
So how did it go down? It took only 4 minutes and 12 seconds...
POINT TOTALS
OUI = 66 - Manager of the Year! (provisional)
The Millionaire = 59
Profesor Infierno = 58
Cesar Romero = 55
Mick "Truck" Drivor = 49
And that's the season! Congratulations to the new World's Heavyweight Champion (and with a grand total of 30 points, the Wrestler of the Year) JC Superstar! And Congratulations to Opulence Unlimited International - the Managers of the Year!
And perhaps, congratulations to The Millionaire, the runner up and potential Manager of the Year if OUI does not claim their prize!
Most of all, thank you to everyone who participated this season, and even to those of you who didn't. Without you, FUCR would be nothing more than a man smoking pot, watching his video game play against itself, recording the matches and posting them online. But because of you, it is a shared tradition of friendship, love, hatred, thinly veiled homosexuality, violence and anger. YOU are what makes the magic happen.
See you next season!
21.5.12
* the SEMI-ANNUAL WHEEZLETON MEMORIALE * MAY 22, 2012 *
Every year or so (or sometimes more often), the superstars of professional fantasy wrestling gather to pay tribute to the Father of Modern Professional Fantasy Wrestling, Mr. Charles "Stinkyteats" Wheezleton. A man with a dream, Wheezleton broke away from the Video Game Wrestling Association and founded the Nintendo Wrestling Association in 2007. Crowning an undisputed World's Champion was only the first of his many great accomplishments. Today, 5 years later, that title will be on the line and in honor of Wheezleton, a battle royale will take place. But let us not ramble on about the past, let us celebrate the present... in the ring.
The WHEEZLETON MEMORIALE BATTLE ROYALE kicked off with a bang as Dr. Spectacular and Warlock Star entered the squared circle to do battle. 35 short seconds later, Spectacular's feet (and the rest of him) went over the top rope and landed on the concrete floor outside the ring.
The Negotiator made his way to the ring, followed by Lassiter Arcade, the Thrillionaire and Conrad Wolfsbane.
At 4:22, The Thrillionaire, intent on recapturing his World's Championship, tossed his own stablemate over the top rope, eliminating Warlock Star!
Danny Divine and Maximus Von Zeus both entered the ring, eager to toss bitches out and at 7:27, Divine made good on that promise, eliminating Lassiter Arcade.
Duke Alexander Stallion hit the ring and went straight for his old enemy, the Thrillionaire. The two did battle on and off for the remainder of the match.
At 9:00 exactly, Von Zeus eliminated the Negotiator
At 9:52, Danny Divine eliminated Conrad Wolfsbane
Pierre St. Cloud was the last man to enter the ring.
11:20 - Duke Alexander Stallion, preoccupied with the Thrillionaire, paid no attention to Danny Divine, who snuck up from behind and eliminated him!
11:53 - Pierre St. Cloud eliminated Maximus Von Zeus!
11:53 - Danny Divine eliminated the Thrillionaire!
This left but two men in the ring, both of them members of Opulence Unlimited International... Danny Divine and Pierre St. Cloud!
12:48 - Pierre St. Cloud eliminated Danny Divine to win the 2012 Wheezleton Memoriale!
The points break down like this:
Warlock Star = 2pts (1 elimination)
The Thrillionaire = 2pts (1 elimination)
Danny Divine = 8pts (4 eliminations)
Maximus Von Zeus = 2pts (1 elimination)
Pierre St. Cloud = 4pts (2 eliminations) + 5pts (victory)
*** When the season began, the FUCR Board of Directors made a promise to return the days when a #1 contender earned his way to a one-on-one shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship. But the level of competition this season is such that tonight, with the end of the season looming... this night, when there are four men equally worthy of a shot at the Undisputed Heavyweight Championship of the World... on this night, there will be a 10-minute Championship Scramble. ***
5 participants enter the match in random order every two minutes. The object is to score the final pinfall or submission before the 10-minute time limit is up. It does not matter how many pinfalls or submissions you score during the match; only who gets the final one.
First up were Sgt. Octopus (Romero) and J.C. Superstar (Millionaire) . No strangers to combat, these titans tussled back on April 16, just three weeks into the season. Tonight, they meet again to fight for the ultimate prize.
And they were joined by the current World's Heavyweight Champion, Dr. Matsumoto, at the 2 minute mark!
Tokyo Torres, who won the right to wrestle in this match by virtue of defeating J.C. Superstar just yesterday, was next, followed by the Phantom Dandy, the winner of the 2012 Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix.
The battle raged. These men, the giants of our sport, realizing a dream. For some, like the Phantom Dandy, it was a shot at redemption. For Tokyo Torres, it was the natural progression of an amazing athelete rising up through the ranks to the main event. For Sgt. Octopus, it was about proving to both the critics and himself that he deserved it. And for J.C. Superstar, it felt like divine right.
But for Dr. Matsumoto, it was about so much more. He won the vacant Championship two months ago in a grueling series of elimination matches followed by a three-way-dance. Beset by a lack of managerial assitence, Matsumoto became a man without a path. A warrior on a journey to nowhere. Enter the Truck. Now, fighting with a renewed vigor and a second title reign, the Matsumoto Dynasty seems to be in full effect... but will the foundation crack under tonight's strain?
The answer, after a full 10 minutes of war, with nary a pinfall nor submissioned scored, the bell rang and Dr. Matsumoto walked out the champion, his reign intact. He fought a battle of attrition and won, allowing no man to pin him nor score a pinfall themselves. He is awarded 3 points.
3pts = Dr. Matsumoto for retaining his title @10:00
*** And that's the show, ladies and gentlemen! Make your challenges for next week NOW! "The Millionaire" Matt Welz has already made clear his desire for The Thrillionaire to cash in his guaranteed rematch against Dr. Matsumoto for the title and it'll happen NEXT WEEK! What's next? That's up to you! Be sure to take a look at the current scores while you're at it! ***
The WHEEZLETON MEMORIALE BATTLE ROYALE kicked off with a bang as Dr. Spectacular and Warlock Star entered the squared circle to do battle. 35 short seconds later, Spectacular's feet (and the rest of him) went over the top rope and landed on the concrete floor outside the ring.
The Negotiator made his way to the ring, followed by Lassiter Arcade, the Thrillionaire and Conrad Wolfsbane.
At 4:22, The Thrillionaire, intent on recapturing his World's Championship, tossed his own stablemate over the top rope, eliminating Warlock Star!
Danny Divine and Maximus Von Zeus both entered the ring, eager to toss bitches out and at 7:27, Divine made good on that promise, eliminating Lassiter Arcade.
Duke Alexander Stallion hit the ring and went straight for his old enemy, the Thrillionaire. The two did battle on and off for the remainder of the match.
At 9:00 exactly, Von Zeus eliminated the Negotiator
At 9:52, Danny Divine eliminated Conrad Wolfsbane
Pierre St. Cloud was the last man to enter the ring.
11:20 - Duke Alexander Stallion, preoccupied with the Thrillionaire, paid no attention to Danny Divine, who snuck up from behind and eliminated him!
11:53 - Pierre St. Cloud eliminated Maximus Von Zeus!
11:53 - Danny Divine eliminated the Thrillionaire!
This left but two men in the ring, both of them members of Opulence Unlimited International... Danny Divine and Pierre St. Cloud!
12:48 - Pierre St. Cloud eliminated Danny Divine to win the 2012 Wheezleton Memoriale!
The points break down like this:
Warlock Star = 2pts (1 elimination)
The Thrillionaire = 2pts (1 elimination)
Danny Divine = 8pts (4 eliminations)
Maximus Von Zeus = 2pts (1 elimination)
Pierre St. Cloud = 4pts (2 eliminations) + 5pts (victory)
*** When the season began, the FUCR Board of Directors made a promise to return the days when a #1 contender earned his way to a one-on-one shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship. But the level of competition this season is such that tonight, with the end of the season looming... this night, when there are four men equally worthy of a shot at the Undisputed Heavyweight Championship of the World... on this night, there will be a 10-minute Championship Scramble. ***
5 participants enter the match in random order every two minutes. The object is to score the final pinfall or submission before the 10-minute time limit is up. It does not matter how many pinfalls or submissions you score during the match; only who gets the final one.
First up were Sgt. Octopus (Romero) and J.C. Superstar (Millionaire) . No strangers to combat, these titans tussled back on April 16, just three weeks into the season. Tonight, they meet again to fight for the ultimate prize.
And they were joined by the current World's Heavyweight Champion, Dr. Matsumoto, at the 2 minute mark!
Tokyo Torres, who won the right to wrestle in this match by virtue of defeating J.C. Superstar just yesterday, was next, followed by the Phantom Dandy, the winner of the 2012 Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix.
The battle raged. These men, the giants of our sport, realizing a dream. For some, like the Phantom Dandy, it was a shot at redemption. For Tokyo Torres, it was the natural progression of an amazing athelete rising up through the ranks to the main event. For Sgt. Octopus, it was about proving to both the critics and himself that he deserved it. And for J.C. Superstar, it felt like divine right.
But for Dr. Matsumoto, it was about so much more. He won the vacant Championship two months ago in a grueling series of elimination matches followed by a three-way-dance. Beset by a lack of managerial assitence, Matsumoto became a man without a path. A warrior on a journey to nowhere. Enter the Truck. Now, fighting with a renewed vigor and a second title reign, the Matsumoto Dynasty seems to be in full effect... but will the foundation crack under tonight's strain?
The answer, after a full 10 minutes of war, with nary a pinfall nor submissioned scored, the bell rang and Dr. Matsumoto walked out the champion, his reign intact. He fought a battle of attrition and won, allowing no man to pin him nor score a pinfall themselves. He is awarded 3 points.
3pts = Dr. Matsumoto for retaining his title @10:00
*** And that's the show, ladies and gentlemen! Make your challenges for next week NOW! "The Millionaire" Matt Welz has already made clear his desire for The Thrillionaire to cash in his guaranteed rematch against Dr. Matsumoto for the title and it'll happen NEXT WEEK! What's next? That's up to you! Be sure to take a look at the current scores while you're at it! ***
24.4.12
*** TITLE WAVE! Free-For-View Results! ***
The first free-for-view of the season has arrived and with it, pain. The road has been long and hard but we've come out better people for all the hardships we've endured. Let's skip the formalities and get down to the action...
* THE HUNGARIAN HERITAGE GRAND PRIX * ROUND ONE *
The rules are simple - tag teams were chosen randomly. Each member of the winning team receives 3 points for victory.
1) Danny Divine (OUI) was partnered with Dr. Spectacular (Tommy Huang) in a bitter match against Sgt. Octopus (Cesar Romero) and Pierre St. Cloud (OUI) ...
Divine pinned Sgt. Octopus at the 11:53 mark.
3pts = Danny Divine
3pts = Dr. Spectacular
2) Next up, Warlock Star (Millionaire) teamed with arch enemy Tokyo Torres (Huang) to take on Conrad Wolfsbane (Romero) and Maximus Von Zeus (Huang) ...
Von Zeus pinned Warlock Star @ 13:20 to secure the win!
3pts = Maximus Von Zeus
3pts = Conrad Wolfsbane
3) The final match of Round One pitted JC Superstar (Welz) and the Negotiator (Brown Hornet) against the Phantom Dandy (OUI) and Duke Alexander Stallion (Romero) ...
The Superstar drew the short straw tonight and the Negotiator was pinned by Duke Alexander Stallion @ 11:27
3pts = Phantom Dandy
3pts = Duke Alexander Stallion
*** The World's Heavyweight Championship match between Dr. Matsumoto and The Thrillionaire was scheduled to take place. The Thrillionaire had fought long and hard to make it to this level, earning his #1 contendership through blood, sweat and tears. Meanwhile, Matsumoto was as absent as his manager, the Brown Hornet... and he was just as absent today!
FUCR General Manager Bronson Thunderhammer strolled to the ring, World's Championship belt slung over his shoulder. He invited The Thrillionaire to join him in the ring. Thunderhammer announced that since Matsumoto hadn't bothered to show up, the championship was considered forfeit! He handed The Thrillionaire the belt and declared him the NEW World's Heavyweight Champion!
4pts = The Thrillionaire via forfeit
Apparently, all you have to do is show up! It's just that easy, folks. ***
*** HUNGARIAN HERITAGE GRAND PRIX *** ROUND TWO ***
Round two pits the six surviving competitors from the first round in a Beyond Thunderdome match! Two men open the match and a new man enters every 60 seconds. Each wrestler must be eliminated in order to crown a winner and a wrestler will earn 3 points for each pinfall or submission he secures! Also, the winner receives 3 points for victory.
Maximus Von Zeus and Dr. Spectacular started things out. At the one minute mark, they were joined by Conrad Wolfsbane... and Danny Divine at 2 minutes. Finally, Duke Alexander Stallion and the Phantom Dandy entered and the match began in earnest.
ORDER OF ELIMINATION:
1) Dr. Spectacular was pinned by Danny Divine @ 5:00
2) Conrad Wolfsbane was pinned by Alexander Stallion @ 7:50
3) Divine pinned Stallion @ 9:27
4) Phantom Dandy pinned Von Zeus @ 10:53
The Phantom Dandy pinned Danny Divine @ 11:43 to win the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix! In addition to the honor of winning this prestigious title, he will be granted a shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship - under whatever stipulation he wishes - whenever he wants at any point this season!
3pts = Duke Alexander Stallion
6pts = Danny Divine
9pts = The Phantom Dandy!
*** Check out the managers page to see the updated point totals! Congratulations to the Phantom Dandy! Congratulations to the NEW World's Heavyweight Champion, the Thrillionaire! And now it's time to get your challenges in for next week's MONDAY MORNING MAYHEM! ***
* THE HUNGARIAN HERITAGE GRAND PRIX * ROUND ONE *
The rules are simple - tag teams were chosen randomly. Each member of the winning team receives 3 points for victory.
1) Danny Divine (OUI) was partnered with Dr. Spectacular (Tommy Huang) in a bitter match against Sgt. Octopus (Cesar Romero) and Pierre St. Cloud (OUI) ...
Divine pinned Sgt. Octopus at the 11:53 mark.
3pts = Danny Divine
3pts = Dr. Spectacular
2) Next up, Warlock Star (Millionaire) teamed with arch enemy Tokyo Torres (Huang) to take on Conrad Wolfsbane (Romero) and Maximus Von Zeus (Huang) ...
Von Zeus pinned Warlock Star @ 13:20 to secure the win!
3pts = Maximus Von Zeus
3pts = Conrad Wolfsbane
3) The final match of Round One pitted JC Superstar (Welz) and the Negotiator (Brown Hornet) against the Phantom Dandy (OUI) and Duke Alexander Stallion (Romero) ...
The Superstar drew the short straw tonight and the Negotiator was pinned by Duke Alexander Stallion @ 11:27
3pts = Phantom Dandy
3pts = Duke Alexander Stallion
*** The World's Heavyweight Championship match between Dr. Matsumoto and The Thrillionaire was scheduled to take place. The Thrillionaire had fought long and hard to make it to this level, earning his #1 contendership through blood, sweat and tears. Meanwhile, Matsumoto was as absent as his manager, the Brown Hornet... and he was just as absent today!
FUCR General Manager Bronson Thunderhammer strolled to the ring, World's Championship belt slung over his shoulder. He invited The Thrillionaire to join him in the ring. Thunderhammer announced that since Matsumoto hadn't bothered to show up, the championship was considered forfeit! He handed The Thrillionaire the belt and declared him the NEW World's Heavyweight Champion!
4pts = The Thrillionaire via forfeit
Apparently, all you have to do is show up! It's just that easy, folks. ***
*** HUNGARIAN HERITAGE GRAND PRIX *** ROUND TWO ***
Round two pits the six surviving competitors from the first round in a Beyond Thunderdome match! Two men open the match and a new man enters every 60 seconds. Each wrestler must be eliminated in order to crown a winner and a wrestler will earn 3 points for each pinfall or submission he secures! Also, the winner receives 3 points for victory.
Maximus Von Zeus and Dr. Spectacular started things out. At the one minute mark, they were joined by Conrad Wolfsbane... and Danny Divine at 2 minutes. Finally, Duke Alexander Stallion and the Phantom Dandy entered and the match began in earnest.
ORDER OF ELIMINATION:
1) Dr. Spectacular was pinned by Danny Divine @ 5:00
2) Conrad Wolfsbane was pinned by Alexander Stallion @ 7:50
3) Divine pinned Stallion @ 9:27
4) Phantom Dandy pinned Von Zeus @ 10:53
The Phantom Dandy pinned Danny Divine @ 11:43 to win the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix! In addition to the honor of winning this prestigious title, he will be granted a shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship - under whatever stipulation he wishes - whenever he wants at any point this season!
3pts = Duke Alexander Stallion
6pts = Danny Divine
9pts = The Phantom Dandy!
*** Check out the managers page to see the updated point totals! Congratulations to the Phantom Dandy! Congratulations to the NEW World's Heavyweight Champion, the Thrillionaire! And now it's time to get your challenges in for next week's MONDAY MORNING MAYHEM! ***
26.3.12
DEADLY GENESIS results!
It's been a while but we've never gone out of style! Welcome back to the greatest show on earth: Fantasy Unlimited Championship Rasslin'! It was just a little over one year ago that Bronson Thunderhammer was injured in a parasailing accident and forced to relinquish the World's Heavyweight Championship. In the months that followed, the world of fantasy wrestling was in turmoil. Other titles popped up in an attempt to fill the void, but the officials at the Video Game Wrestling Alliance were in disagreement and disarray. Finally, after months of legal wrangling and sifting through red tape, the finest minds in professional fantasy wrestling put their differences aside and once again reunited for the greater good. And tonight, their hard work bears fruit as a new UNDISPUTED World's Heavyweight Champion will be crowned!
But first, let's meet this year's managers and announce their draft picks.
The Millionaire Matt Welz returns to the sport that made him famous. He brings with him his protege', the Thrillionaire, J.C. Superstar, Warlock Star.
Cesar Romero has retired from the spotlight of acting to carve out a place in the world of pro fantasy wrestling. His stable includes Sgt. Octopus, Conrad Wolfsbane and Duke Alexander Stallion.
Opulence Unlimited International represents the corporate side of professional fantasy wrestling, and corporations are people too. Their charges include Danny Divine, Pierre St. Cloud and the Phantom Dandy.
The Brown Hornet is reputed to have quite a sting. This year, his hive includes Lassiter Arcade, Dr. Matsumoto and the Negotiator.
Finally, the Child Predator, Tommy Huang, will be managing Tokyo Torres, Maximus Von Zeus and Dr. Spectacular!
*** The FUCR Board of Directors determined that the best way to choose a new World's Champion was to have a series of three Elimination Chamber matches, with the winners facing each other in a three-way-dance to determine who would hold the vacated title. The rules of the Elimination Chamber are simple: trapped within the confines of a steel cage, two men begin the match with a new wrestler being added at one minute intervals until a total of 6 wrestlers are in the ring. It is then that the war games truly begin. But with only 5 wrestlers, the FUCR Board of Directors was at a quandry.
Thusly, it was decided that the 6th spot in the match would be filled by wrestlers who did not make the final draft. In this way, all of the finest wrestlers in the business would be represented and the title would truly be UNDISPUTED.
*** 1) The first elimination chamber opened with Duke Alexander Stallion and Lassiter Arcade in the ring. At the one minute mark, they were joined by Maximus Von Zeus and Pierre St. Cloud at 2:00.
At 3:00, "Thunderjammer" Ron Winkler (representing FUCR) entered and the Thrillionaire was the last to join in the action at 4:00.
Alexander Stallion was the first to be eliminated when Von Zeus pinned him at 4:39
Next was St. Cloud, eliminated by the Thrillionaire at 5:30
Lassiter Arcade said his goodbyes after being pinned by the Thrillionaire at 7:04
Ron Winkler was the next to fall at the hands of the Thrillionaire at 9:34 via pinfall
Finally, the Thrillionaire secured his advancement into the finals by making Maximus Von Zeus tap at 10:03!
2) The next chamber match saw Phantom Dandy take on Conrad Wolfsbane.
At 1 and 2 minutes, Warlock Star and the Negotiator joined.
The 3 minute mark saw Dr. Spectacular take to the ring and at 4:00, the final competitor, Akira Kowalczyk (representing FUCR) entered.
The Negotiator was pinned at 7:53 by Warlock Star Phantom
Dandy was pinned at 8:06 by Dr. Spectacular
At 8:38, Conrad Wolfsbane scored a pin on Warlock Star, sending him back to the locker room
Akira Kowalczyk made the folks in the office proud by pinning Dr. Spectacular at 10:01 and making Conrad Wolfsbane tap at 11:05. - Kowalczyk advances to the finals!
3) The final elimination chamber opened with J.C. Superstar and Sgt. Octopus butting heads in the middle of the ring.
At 1:00, Dr. Matsumoto joined the fray, followed by Danny Divine, Tokyo Torres and Harlan Murphy (representing FUCR). This was by far the most brutal chamber match of the night.
It took a full 7:48 seconds before J.C. Superstar was pinned by Danny Divine.
At 8:32, Tokyo Torres pinned Harlan Murphy and at 8:48,Torres pinned Danny Divine.
At 9:00 exactly, Torres found himself staring at the lights at Dr. Matsumoto pinned him.
9:54 was the time when Matsumoto pinned Sgt. Octopus to advance to the finals.
4) Finally, the finals had arrived - Dr. Matsumoto vs. The Thrillionaire vs. Akira Kowalczyk. Who would prevail? Would the deadly martial arts of Dr. Matsumoto win the day, or the dangerous, high-flying Thrillionaire? Or what about the deadly Japanese-Polish-American known as Akira Kowaczyk?
Fisticuffs and submission holds reigned as these three men went at it like thunder, lightning and a tank.
The match was so intense, the timekeeper was knocked out. The film in the ringside cameras burst into flame as it attempted to capture the brutality that took place in the ring.
Only the final minute and 14 seconds remain...
If you didn't want to take the 1:14 to watch that - your winner and Undisputed World's Heavyweight Champion - Dr. Matsumoto!
************************************************************************* Congratulations to Dr. Matsumoto and his manager, the Brown Hornet.
Now is the time to issue your challenges!
Due to the shortage of managers this year, the FUCR Board of Directors has decided to allow managers to issue an "open challenge" if and when they've run the gamut of competitors. In short, issuing an open challenge means that your wrestler will take on a randomly chosen FUCR Superstar who did not make the draft. This is an optional challenge and by no means should any of you feel obligated to take part. Non-drafted FUCR wrestlers do not gain points and will not be eligible for title shots. Have at it!
But first, let's meet this year's managers and announce their draft picks.
The Millionaire Matt Welz returns to the sport that made him famous. He brings with him his protege', the Thrillionaire, J.C. Superstar, Warlock Star.
Cesar Romero has retired from the spotlight of acting to carve out a place in the world of pro fantasy wrestling. His stable includes Sgt. Octopus, Conrad Wolfsbane and Duke Alexander Stallion.
Opulence Unlimited International represents the corporate side of professional fantasy wrestling, and corporations are people too. Their charges include Danny Divine, Pierre St. Cloud and the Phantom Dandy.
The Brown Hornet is reputed to have quite a sting. This year, his hive includes Lassiter Arcade, Dr. Matsumoto and the Negotiator.
Finally, the Child Predator, Tommy Huang, will be managing Tokyo Torres, Maximus Von Zeus and Dr. Spectacular!
*** The FUCR Board of Directors determined that the best way to choose a new World's Champion was to have a series of three Elimination Chamber matches, with the winners facing each other in a three-way-dance to determine who would hold the vacated title. The rules of the Elimination Chamber are simple: trapped within the confines of a steel cage, two men begin the match with a new wrestler being added at one minute intervals until a total of 6 wrestlers are in the ring. It is then that the war games truly begin. But with only 5 wrestlers, the FUCR Board of Directors was at a quandry.
Thusly, it was decided that the 6th spot in the match would be filled by wrestlers who did not make the final draft. In this way, all of the finest wrestlers in the business would be represented and the title would truly be UNDISPUTED.
*** 1) The first elimination chamber opened with Duke Alexander Stallion and Lassiter Arcade in the ring. At the one minute mark, they were joined by Maximus Von Zeus and Pierre St. Cloud at 2:00.
At 3:00, "Thunderjammer" Ron Winkler (representing FUCR) entered and the Thrillionaire was the last to join in the action at 4:00.
Alexander Stallion was the first to be eliminated when Von Zeus pinned him at 4:39
Next was St. Cloud, eliminated by the Thrillionaire at 5:30
Lassiter Arcade said his goodbyes after being pinned by the Thrillionaire at 7:04
Ron Winkler was the next to fall at the hands of the Thrillionaire at 9:34 via pinfall
Finally, the Thrillionaire secured his advancement into the finals by making Maximus Von Zeus tap at 10:03!
2) The next chamber match saw Phantom Dandy take on Conrad Wolfsbane.
At 1 and 2 minutes, Warlock Star and the Negotiator joined.
The 3 minute mark saw Dr. Spectacular take to the ring and at 4:00, the final competitor, Akira Kowalczyk (representing FUCR) entered.
The Negotiator was pinned at 7:53 by Warlock Star Phantom
Dandy was pinned at 8:06 by Dr. Spectacular
At 8:38, Conrad Wolfsbane scored a pin on Warlock Star, sending him back to the locker room
Akira Kowalczyk made the folks in the office proud by pinning Dr. Spectacular at 10:01 and making Conrad Wolfsbane tap at 11:05. - Kowalczyk advances to the finals!
3) The final elimination chamber opened with J.C. Superstar and Sgt. Octopus butting heads in the middle of the ring.
At 1:00, Dr. Matsumoto joined the fray, followed by Danny Divine, Tokyo Torres and Harlan Murphy (representing FUCR). This was by far the most brutal chamber match of the night.
It took a full 7:48 seconds before J.C. Superstar was pinned by Danny Divine.
At 8:32, Tokyo Torres pinned Harlan Murphy and at 8:48,Torres pinned Danny Divine.
At 9:00 exactly, Torres found himself staring at the lights at Dr. Matsumoto pinned him.
9:54 was the time when Matsumoto pinned Sgt. Octopus to advance to the finals.
4) Finally, the finals had arrived - Dr. Matsumoto vs. The Thrillionaire vs. Akira Kowalczyk. Who would prevail? Would the deadly martial arts of Dr. Matsumoto win the day, or the dangerous, high-flying Thrillionaire? Or what about the deadly Japanese-Polish-American known as Akira Kowaczyk?
Fisticuffs and submission holds reigned as these three men went at it like thunder, lightning and a tank.
The match was so intense, the timekeeper was knocked out. The film in the ringside cameras burst into flame as it attempted to capture the brutality that took place in the ring.
Only the final minute and 14 seconds remain...
If you didn't want to take the 1:14 to watch that - your winner and Undisputed World's Heavyweight Champion - Dr. Matsumoto!
************************************************************************* Congratulations to Dr. Matsumoto and his manager, the Brown Hornet.
Now is the time to issue your challenges!
Due to the shortage of managers this year, the FUCR Board of Directors has decided to allow managers to issue an "open challenge" if and when they've run the gamut of competitors. In short, issuing an open challenge means that your wrestler will take on a randomly chosen FUCR Superstar who did not make the draft. This is an optional challenge and by no means should any of you feel obligated to take part. Non-drafted FUCR wrestlers do not gain points and will not be eligible for title shots. Have at it!
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