Ladies and gentlemen, it's the final show before the biggest free-for-view event of the season - SLAMARAMA! Tonight both titles are on the line, but before we start, lets listen to the VGWA Board of Directors discuss the history of both belts as well as the organization...
It only seems right to honor the memory of the fallen roster by honoring the legacy of the Hungarian Title. A title which was despised by Charles "Stinkyteats" Wheezleton when he broke away from the VGWA, accusing them of bribery, bias, corruption and all manner of foul play. Holding a tournament to crown a World's Champion, Wheezleton stole a prominent VGWA superstar in the form of Monte Altazzar and put the belt around his waist. Other stars defected including Pappy, "Kentucky" Jon Derby and the Manimal.
In time, as FUCR grew, the World's Championship supplanted the Hungarian title as the most prominent singles championship in the minds of the fans. The Hungarian Championship was retired as an active title and became an annual event as FUCR fell under the guidance of Ebeneezer Wheezleton when Charles was struck by a mysterious and completely natural death with no suggestion of foul pay.
Controversy surrounded FUCR for years as ownership was in dispute. Monte Altazzar was killed in a hideous gangland crime which remains unsolved to this day. For a time, the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate managed to wrest control of the World's Championship. But FUCR has always returned, like a phoenix from the ashes.
Now... with the Wheezleton Family's flame extinguished, the traitor Monte Altazzar dead and the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World re-activated while the World's Heavyweight Championship is very much disputed due to The Chadillac refusing the belt as well as 3/4 of the roster dying in a freak accident... the two most respected championships both be on the line at SLAMARAMA!
But first - this week's matches!
1) First, the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World was on the line in a three-way dance between reigning champion Sgt. Octopus, former champion The Chadillac and the uncrowned people's champion, Lobo Uno.
It was a 12 minute battle of wills... and in the end, the man trained by 50-time Hungarian Champion "Polish Prince" Chad Derdowski was victorious by pinning Lobo Uno.
7pts = Chadillac via pinfall @ 12:14
2) Next, the 3rd and final match in a series. Both men are now 2-time World's Champions and both men are "second generation superstars", having been trained by legends of the business. Ladies and gentlemen, "Kingbee" Willy Malone seeks to regain the richest prize in the sport when he squares off against current champion The Thrillionaire!
It was a match to end all matches. And in the end...
9pts = "Kingbee" Willy Malone via submission @ 11:49
After the match, Malone grabbed a microphone and called Chadillac to the ring. The two champions stood face to face... Malone reminded the crowd that Chadillac gave up the World's Championship not too long ago. He reminded the fans that this action caused the title to fall into dispute. He said that when he defeats Chadillac and holds both titles at SLAMARAMA next week, he will erase all doubts.
Chadillac responded with a boot to the face and left Malone lying in the ring.
NEXT WEEK - SLAMARAMA! Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World THE CHADILLAC vs. World's Heavyweight Champion "KINGBEE" WILLY MALONE in a 2-out-of-3 falls lumberjack match!
The main event is set, but you can still issue challenges! Maybe we'll see a tag match? Maybe a mini-battle royal? Maybe a table match? Its up to you!
And don't forget - next week Dr. Sydney M. Basil will reveal the results - who IS Simon Pimpleton's father?
Showing posts with label FUCR Friday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FUCR Friday. Show all posts
25.4.13
18.4.13
* FUCR FRIDAY * 4/19/13 * RESULTS *
Noted wrestling doctor Sidney M. Basil, MD opened the show by addressing the crowd and addressing the frequent rumors regarding Simon Pimpleton. He recognized the fact that with the recent sadness resulting from the deceased roster and the controversy surrounding the World's Championship, many had forgotten a question which has plagued us all season - "Who is Simon Pimpleton's Father?" Basil assured fans that he had conducted rigorous tests which involved getting semen samples from each and every male fan who bought a ticket to a FUCR show in the past six months. We would have an answer, he said, and we'd have it at Slamarama!
Our opening match pitted two time World's Heavyweight Champion "Kingbee" Willy Malone (Poppin' Corn) against JC Superstar (Jesus Christ) with the winner being given a shot at whichever title they wanted. Poppin' Corn made it clear last week that he intends to cash in that shot against current World's Champion The Thrillionaire... which is good, because Malone won the match!
6pts = "Kingbee" Willy Malone via pinfall @ 6:32
The next match was a donnybrook, a slobberknocker and a barnburner rolled into a painful sandwich. World's Champion The Thrillionaire (Millionaire) teamed with Sgt. Octopus (Rush Limbaugh) to take on current Hungarian Champion The Chadillac (Simon Pimpleton) and Lobo Uno (Mick "Truck" Drivor). The match was especially noteworthy due to the fact that whichever wrestler scored a pinfall would take home the Hungarian Championship as a prize!
We're not gonna lie, folks. This match was goddamn brutal. It spilled outside several times and much blood was shed on both sides. It was a war of attrition which lasted nearly seventeen minutes and only ended when The Thrillionaire brutally beat upon Lobo Uno with a steel chair while Sgt. Octopus (the legal man) distracted the referee. Lobo Uno was counted out and the team of The Thrillionaire and Sgt. Octopus won the match by count out which, due to the altered rules of this abridged and abbreviated season, grants each team member the full six points!
And due to the ruling by members of the VGWA and FUCR Boards of Directors as well as the Hungarian Wrestling Council... Sgt. Octopus is the new Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World!
6pts = Sgt. Octopus
6pts = Thrillionaire
Ladies and gentlemen, we've already got one match booked for next week - the ULTIMATE rematch between "Kingbee" Willy Malone and The Thrillionaire. 8 points and the World's Championship on the line. Two men. One ring. Three counts. Who will emerge victorious?
Everybody else - get your challenges in!
Our opening match pitted two time World's Heavyweight Champion "Kingbee" Willy Malone (Poppin' Corn) against JC Superstar (Jesus Christ) with the winner being given a shot at whichever title they wanted. Poppin' Corn made it clear last week that he intends to cash in that shot against current World's Champion The Thrillionaire... which is good, because Malone won the match!
6pts = "Kingbee" Willy Malone via pinfall @ 6:32
The next match was a donnybrook, a slobberknocker and a barnburner rolled into a painful sandwich. World's Champion The Thrillionaire (Millionaire) teamed with Sgt. Octopus (Rush Limbaugh) to take on current Hungarian Champion The Chadillac (Simon Pimpleton) and Lobo Uno (Mick "Truck" Drivor). The match was especially noteworthy due to the fact that whichever wrestler scored a pinfall would take home the Hungarian Championship as a prize!
We're not gonna lie, folks. This match was goddamn brutal. It spilled outside several times and much blood was shed on both sides. It was a war of attrition which lasted nearly seventeen minutes and only ended when The Thrillionaire brutally beat upon Lobo Uno with a steel chair while Sgt. Octopus (the legal man) distracted the referee. Lobo Uno was counted out and the team of The Thrillionaire and Sgt. Octopus won the match by count out which, due to the altered rules of this abridged and abbreviated season, grants each team member the full six points!
And due to the ruling by members of the VGWA and FUCR Boards of Directors as well as the Hungarian Wrestling Council... Sgt. Octopus is the new Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World!
6pts = Sgt. Octopus
6pts = Thrillionaire
Ladies and gentlemen, we've already got one match booked for next week - the ULTIMATE rematch between "Kingbee" Willy Malone and The Thrillionaire. 8 points and the World's Championship on the line. Two men. One ring. Three counts. Who will emerge victorious?
Everybody else - get your challenges in!
11.4.13
* APRIL 12, 2013 * RESULTS *
Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the abridged results. The WrestleMania weekend took its toll and our own schedule was rushed and cut short. But that didn't stop the action which saw...
1) Sgt. Octopus defeated JC Superstar via pinfall!
6 pts = Sgt. Octopus via pinfall @8:43
2) The Chadillac took on Lobo Uno to determine the new Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World.
6 pts = Chadillac via pinfall @12:12
3) And finally, The Thrillionaire took on the man who defeated him last week - World's Heavyweight Champion "Kingbee" Willy Malone in a steel cage rematch! This time, it was The Thrillionaire who became a 2-time champion!
6 pts + 1 rematch point + 1 World Title point = The Thrillionaire via pinfall @ 7:43
... and that's this week's show! Short, but as sweet as you can get. Now get your challenges in.
1) Sgt. Octopus defeated JC Superstar via pinfall!
6 pts = Sgt. Octopus via pinfall @8:43
2) The Chadillac took on Lobo Uno to determine the new Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World.
6 pts = Chadillac via pinfall @12:12
3) And finally, The Thrillionaire took on the man who defeated him last week - World's Heavyweight Champion "Kingbee" Willy Malone in a steel cage rematch! This time, it was The Thrillionaire who became a 2-time champion!
6 pts + 1 rematch point + 1 World Title point = The Thrillionaire via pinfall @ 7:43
... and that's this week's show! Short, but as sweet as you can get. Now get your challenges in.
4.4.13
* APRIL 5, 2013 * RESULTS *
It's been a tumultuous couple of weeks for FUCR, but we're continuing on the steady path of awesomeness that we've been known for since 2007.
Our first match was at the behest of the Chadillac and his manager Simon Pimpleton. A proud man and proud manager, they were disgusted with the politicking, complaints, kvetching and quacking which surrounded the World's Championship in the aftermath of the tragedy which took the lives of most of FUCR's roster. As a result, they chose to distance themselves from what they considered a stained title and enter into a tournament for the Hungarian Championship, which was once again declared vacant upon the death of current champion Chico Malaise'.
And in the first round, Chadillac went toe-to-toe with his former stablemate and a former World's Champion and Hungarian Champion in his own right, JC Superstar. After 5 minutes and 18 seconds, the Chadillac pinned the step-son of a carpenter!
6 pts = Chadillac via pinfall @5:18
2) Next up was another first round match in the tournament for the Undisputed Hungarian People's Heavyweight Championship of the World, the oldest title in professional video game wrestling history. Lobo Uno faced off against another former World's Champion in the form of Sgt. Octopus. The match featured over 100 near-pinfalls and spilled outside for a bit. In the end, Lobo Uno put the former Marine Corps drill instructor through a table, rendering him unable to answer the 10 count.
6pts = Lobo Uno via countout @ 12:43
(note: due to the altered nature of the season, we are awarding full points for count-out and DQ victories)
3) The main event was for the vacated World's Heavyweight Championship, a title that has fallen under much scrutiny and much dispute. The Thrillionaire, representing the Millionaire would battle "Kingbee" Willy Malone, a former understudy of the Millionaire now represented by Poppin' Corn!
It was a ladder match. It was insane. It was about 10 minutes long and after the intense battle, it's hard to say that the winner isn't the best wrestler in the world. And that man, for the second time, is "Kingbee" Willy Malone!
(note: due to the fucked-upedness of the title situation and since this isn't really a true rematch, this match is just worth 6 points plus the 1 point title bonus. It is not considered a rematch; simply the FIRST match between these two.)
7pts = "Kingbee" Willy Malone @ 10:06
The footage isn't the best, but it's all we've got right now...
After the match, Poppin Corn congratulated his protege' and issued a statement on the microphone. He recognized that the championship has lost a bit of its luster in recent weeks... he promised that in the short time left in this season, "Kingbee" would prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was worthy of the honor and prestige of Charles Wheezleton's dream...
And now you need to issue some challenges! Chadillac will face Lobo Uno to determine a new Hungarian Champion - other than that, it's all up to you!
Our first match was at the behest of the Chadillac and his manager Simon Pimpleton. A proud man and proud manager, they were disgusted with the politicking, complaints, kvetching and quacking which surrounded the World's Championship in the aftermath of the tragedy which took the lives of most of FUCR's roster. As a result, they chose to distance themselves from what they considered a stained title and enter into a tournament for the Hungarian Championship, which was once again declared vacant upon the death of current champion Chico Malaise'.
And in the first round, Chadillac went toe-to-toe with his former stablemate and a former World's Champion and Hungarian Champion in his own right, JC Superstar. After 5 minutes and 18 seconds, the Chadillac pinned the step-son of a carpenter!
6 pts = Chadillac via pinfall @5:18
2) Next up was another first round match in the tournament for the Undisputed Hungarian People's Heavyweight Championship of the World, the oldest title in professional video game wrestling history. Lobo Uno faced off against another former World's Champion in the form of Sgt. Octopus. The match featured over 100 near-pinfalls and spilled outside for a bit. In the end, Lobo Uno put the former Marine Corps drill instructor through a table, rendering him unable to answer the 10 count.
6pts = Lobo Uno via countout @ 12:43
(note: due to the altered nature of the season, we are awarding full points for count-out and DQ victories)
3) The main event was for the vacated World's Heavyweight Championship, a title that has fallen under much scrutiny and much dispute. The Thrillionaire, representing the Millionaire would battle "Kingbee" Willy Malone, a former understudy of the Millionaire now represented by Poppin' Corn!
It was a ladder match. It was insane. It was about 10 minutes long and after the intense battle, it's hard to say that the winner isn't the best wrestler in the world. And that man, for the second time, is "Kingbee" Willy Malone!
(note: due to the fucked-upedness of the title situation and since this isn't really a true rematch, this match is just worth 6 points plus the 1 point title bonus. It is not considered a rematch; simply the FIRST match between these two.)
7pts = "Kingbee" Willy Malone @ 10:06
The footage isn't the best, but it's all we've got right now...
After the match, Poppin Corn congratulated his protege' and issued a statement on the microphone. He recognized that the championship has lost a bit of its luster in recent weeks... he promised that in the short time left in this season, "Kingbee" would prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was worthy of the honor and prestige of Charles Wheezleton's dream...
And now you need to issue some challenges! Chadillac will face Lobo Uno to determine a new Hungarian Champion - other than that, it's all up to you!
27.3.13
* THE WHEEZLETON MEMORIALE *
With sadness in our hearts, we bring you the results of the Wheezleton Memoriale. This year, the event will be held with more than just Charles "Stinkyteats" and Ebeneezer Wheezleton in mind... this year, we also honor the twelve FUCR wrestlers who lost their lives.
This year, out of respect for those who died, there will be no points on the line in the Wheezleton Memoriale - save for the 1 point awarded to the winner, who shall be crowned the NEW World's Heavyweight Championship.
The entrants are as follows...
Lobo Uno - Mick "Truck" Drivor
The Thrillionaire - The Millionaire
The Chadillac - The Amazing Simon Pimpleton
Sgt. Octopus - Rush Limbaugh
J.C. Superstar - Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers
and the current reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion, "Kingbee" Willy Malone, represented by Poppin' Corn.
While we recognize that draft didn't exactly shake out to everyone's liking, we ask you to remember that it was, in fact, 100% random and we also ask that you remember The Persuader, Franklin Lloyd Right, Dr. Matsumoto, Orville Knorvil, Chico Malaise', Tiger Nightmare, Cobra Jaguar, Battle Cat, Michael Three-Cheeses, Diesel Injun and Manitou McIntosh. Remember that they died and respectfully shut the fuck up.
Now, on to the match!
1) Sgt. Octopus pinned JC Superstar @ 4:20
2) Chadillac pinned the Thrillionaire @ 4:32
3) Lobo Uno pinned Kingbee @ 5:22
4) Chadillac pinned Lobo Uno @ 8:15
5) Chadillac pinned Sgt. Octopus @ 9:57 to become the NEW Undisputed World's Heavyweight Champion!
The only existing footage of the event is this grainy fan-cam work...
Well, that's it. We've got four weeks left in this, the most bittersweet of seasons and you've got to get your challenges in. It is with heavy hearts that these six competitors continue on their path to yet another season marked with an asterisk in the record books..
This year, out of respect for those who died, there will be no points on the line in the Wheezleton Memoriale - save for the 1 point awarded to the winner, who shall be crowned the NEW World's Heavyweight Championship.
The entrants are as follows...
Lobo Uno - Mick "Truck" Drivor
The Thrillionaire - The Millionaire
The Chadillac - The Amazing Simon Pimpleton
Sgt. Octopus - Rush Limbaugh
J.C. Superstar - Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers
and the current reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion, "Kingbee" Willy Malone, represented by Poppin' Corn.
While we recognize that draft didn't exactly shake out to everyone's liking, we ask you to remember that it was, in fact, 100% random and we also ask that you remember The Persuader, Franklin Lloyd Right, Dr. Matsumoto, Orville Knorvil, Chico Malaise', Tiger Nightmare, Cobra Jaguar, Battle Cat, Michael Three-Cheeses, Diesel Injun and Manitou McIntosh. Remember that they died and respectfully shut the fuck up.
Now, on to the match!
1) Sgt. Octopus pinned JC Superstar @ 4:20
2) Chadillac pinned the Thrillionaire @ 4:32
3) Lobo Uno pinned Kingbee @ 5:22
4) Chadillac pinned Lobo Uno @ 8:15
5) Chadillac pinned Sgt. Octopus @ 9:57 to become the NEW Undisputed World's Heavyweight Champion!
The only existing footage of the event is this grainy fan-cam work...
Well, that's it. We've got four weeks left in this, the most bittersweet of seasons and you've got to get your challenges in. It is with heavy hearts that these six competitors continue on their path to yet another season marked with an asterisk in the record books..
14.3.13
* RESULTS * MARCH 15, 2013 *
As this week's show opened, the crowd was near-riot. Signs and chanting demanded an answer to a question that has been asked all season... WHO IS SIMON PIMPLETON'S FATHER?
It had been largely assumed that Jim and Cheryl Halstedder, the owner/operator duo who control Opulence Unlimited International, the largest sex toy distributer in North America and some parts of China, were Simon's parents. But as it would turn out, Cheryl couldn't quite promise anyone that she was 100% certain that Jim was the father. And recent DNA tests proved that Jim was not, in fact, the sperm donor who planted his seed in Cheryl's fertile love garden.
So who IS Simon's father? Maury Povich is here tonight and he says he will have an answer! But first, let's get down to the ring where the first round of a tournament to crown NEW World Tag Team Champions is being held...
1) First up, we've got Manitou McIntosh and Michael Three Cheeses, collectively known as The Dog Soldiers taking on The Millionaire's team of former World's Champion JC Superstar and The Chadillac ...
3pts = JC Superstar via pinfall @ 10:01
3pts = Chadillac
What you didn't see there was Rush Limbaugh sitting in the front row. While the cameras didn't quite catch it, Rush produced a roll of Sacajawea dollars and struck both McIntosh and Three Cheeses with it, ensuring that The Millionaire's team would secure the win! Immediately after this heinous act, Limbaugh excited the arena through the crowd, surrounded by a team of security officers.
After the match, "Kingbee" Willy Malone hit the ring and all three members of The Millionaire's Million Dollar Dream Team dispensed with the Native American warriors, perhaps finally ending this bitter feud... and another feud has begun? Only time and another week or so will tell.
2) Next, the largely delinquent Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers has been given one more chance by the FUCR and VGWA Boards of Directors as two of his stable members - Orville Knorville and former World's Champion Dr. Matsumoto - have teamed up to take on two members of The Deadly Friends - Franklin Lloyd Right and former World's Champion The Persuader.
3pts = Dr. Matsumoto via pinfall @ 14:16
3pts = Orville Knorville
Moments later, Maury Povich was in the ring with Cheryl Halstedder and Simon Pimpleton. They were joined by FUCR's resident physician, Dr. Sydney M. Basil, along with all of the men Cheryl could remember sleeping with during the time period when Simon was conceived...
Count Dante
Charles Minkey
Rush Limbaugh
Mickey Rooney
One by one, Cheryl kissed each man on the cheek, perhaps remembering the glory days of her youth, when she bedded many a young stud and spread her legs like a chef spreads butter. Delicately and evenly across the entire world (or slice of bread, as it were). Though it had been years, it was clear that each man remembered their night or nights of splendor with Cheryl... for what man could forget her loving touch?
Finally, Maury Povich invited Dr. Basil to open the envelope and reveal who Simon Pimpleton's father was. Each man had submitted to a DNA test and in the end, as Dr. Basil opened the envelope to reveal its contents, they each held their breath. Finally, Dr. Sydney M. Basil read the test results, which revealed...
NONE of these men were Simon's father! Cheryl turned a spectacular shade of crimson as the crowd chanted "Slut!" ... Simon burst into tears and quickly removed his sweater and wrapped it around his waist in an attempt to hide the fact that he had clearly soiled his pants. Everyone left the ring in embarrassment leaving fans wondering just who Simon Pimpleton's REAL father was!
3) Finally, the main event. Chico Malaise' and Lobo Uno vs. the self-proclaimed greatest tag team in FUCR - Cobra Jaguar and Battle Cat - the Grapplecats!
3pts = Chico Malaise' via pinfall @ 11:03
3pts = Lobo Uno
******
And that's the show for this week! The teams of Lobo Uno & Chico Malaise', Orville Knorville & Dr. Matsumoto and JC Superstar and the Chadillac all advance in the tag team tournament.
It will be a round-robin tournament and each team must do battle ... whichever team leads in victories will be crowned World Tag Team Champions.
We don't care which match takes place next week - we don't even care if ANY of those matches take place next week - we'll leave that to the managers. But if you want the tournament to keep moving, one of you has to issue a challenge!
Everybody else - let's see some fucking singles matches, eh? If you're not in the tournament, you are forbidden from wrestling in tag matches!
*******
It had been largely assumed that Jim and Cheryl Halstedder, the owner/operator duo who control Opulence Unlimited International, the largest sex toy distributer in North America and some parts of China, were Simon's parents. But as it would turn out, Cheryl couldn't quite promise anyone that she was 100% certain that Jim was the father. And recent DNA tests proved that Jim was not, in fact, the sperm donor who planted his seed in Cheryl's fertile love garden.
So who IS Simon's father? Maury Povich is here tonight and he says he will have an answer! But first, let's get down to the ring where the first round of a tournament to crown NEW World Tag Team Champions is being held...
1) First up, we've got Manitou McIntosh and Michael Three Cheeses, collectively known as The Dog Soldiers taking on The Millionaire's team of former World's Champion JC Superstar and The Chadillac ...
3pts = JC Superstar via pinfall @ 10:01
3pts = Chadillac
What you didn't see there was Rush Limbaugh sitting in the front row. While the cameras didn't quite catch it, Rush produced a roll of Sacajawea dollars and struck both McIntosh and Three Cheeses with it, ensuring that The Millionaire's team would secure the win! Immediately after this heinous act, Limbaugh excited the arena through the crowd, surrounded by a team of security officers.
After the match, "Kingbee" Willy Malone hit the ring and all three members of The Millionaire's Million Dollar Dream Team dispensed with the Native American warriors, perhaps finally ending this bitter feud... and another feud has begun? Only time and another week or so will tell.
2) Next, the largely delinquent Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers has been given one more chance by the FUCR and VGWA Boards of Directors as two of his stable members - Orville Knorville and former World's Champion Dr. Matsumoto - have teamed up to take on two members of The Deadly Friends - Franklin Lloyd Right and former World's Champion The Persuader.
3pts = Dr. Matsumoto via pinfall @ 14:16
3pts = Orville Knorville
Moments later, Maury Povich was in the ring with Cheryl Halstedder and Simon Pimpleton. They were joined by FUCR's resident physician, Dr. Sydney M. Basil, along with all of the men Cheryl could remember sleeping with during the time period when Simon was conceived...
Count Dante
Charles Minkey
Rush Limbaugh
Mickey Rooney
One by one, Cheryl kissed each man on the cheek, perhaps remembering the glory days of her youth, when she bedded many a young stud and spread her legs like a chef spreads butter. Delicately and evenly across the entire world (or slice of bread, as it were). Though it had been years, it was clear that each man remembered their night or nights of splendor with Cheryl... for what man could forget her loving touch?
Finally, Maury Povich invited Dr. Basil to open the envelope and reveal who Simon Pimpleton's father was. Each man had submitted to a DNA test and in the end, as Dr. Basil opened the envelope to reveal its contents, they each held their breath. Finally, Dr. Sydney M. Basil read the test results, which revealed...
NONE of these men were Simon's father! Cheryl turned a spectacular shade of crimson as the crowd chanted "Slut!" ... Simon burst into tears and quickly removed his sweater and wrapped it around his waist in an attempt to hide the fact that he had clearly soiled his pants. Everyone left the ring in embarrassment leaving fans wondering just who Simon Pimpleton's REAL father was!
3) Finally, the main event. Chico Malaise' and Lobo Uno vs. the self-proclaimed greatest tag team in FUCR - Cobra Jaguar and Battle Cat - the Grapplecats!
3pts = Chico Malaise' via pinfall @ 11:03
3pts = Lobo Uno
******
And that's the show for this week! The teams of Lobo Uno & Chico Malaise', Orville Knorville & Dr. Matsumoto and JC Superstar and the Chadillac all advance in the tag team tournament.
It will be a round-robin tournament and each team must do battle ... whichever team leads in victories will be crowned World Tag Team Champions.
We don't care which match takes place next week - we don't even care if ANY of those matches take place next week - we'll leave that to the managers. But if you want the tournament to keep moving, one of you has to issue a challenge!
Everybody else - let's see some fucking singles matches, eh? If you're not in the tournament, you are forbidden from wrestling in tag matches!
*******
7.3.13
* FUCR FRIDAY * MARCH 8, 2013 * RESULTS *
As is our norm, the action was insane this week. Insane.
1) It would seem the Prince of Peace has deserted his flock, as Jesus Christ - the alleged Manager of Managers - has been on the boards quite infrequently. Without his guiding hand, his stable has been lost. This week, Lee Harvey Awesome and Orville Knorville take on the most unlikely of teams - arch-enemies JC Superstar and Michael Three Cheeses.
3pts = Michael Three Cheeses via pinfall @ 9:50
3pts = JC Superstar
It would seem that JC Superstar is finally on the road to redemption and regaining his mojo. And perhaps he even found some new disciples in the form of the Dog Soldiers... but wouldn't you know it? After the match and a quick handshake, Michael Three-Cheeses slapped the former World's Champion in the face. The Dog Soldiers quickly attacked, producing a large, wooden, cross-shaped object from beneath the ring. They proceeded to strap JC Superstar to the object, which was then suspended above the ring until officials drove the Dog Soldiers off and rescued the Superstar. Poppin' Corn looked on with a smile on his face...
2) Lobo Uno had a bone to pick with Cobra Jaguar. And pick it he did! Despite the seemingly endless amount of cheating and chicanery on the part of the reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion, Tiger Nightmare, the Lone Wolf who walks the lonely road vengeance with no one beside him but himself won the day.
And if you want to have your socks blown clear off of your tootsies, watch the video. SERIOUSLY. Watch it.
3pts = Lobo Uno via pinfall @ 8:10
3) The Chadillac sustained a fairly severe sprain to his elbow and a mild concussion to his occipital protuberance at the CAPITOL PUNISHMENT free-for-view last week. Nevertheless, he came prepared to fight as he took former World's Heavyweight Champion The Persuader. The match spilled outside of the ring on several occasions, enabling Hannibal Murdoch and Franklin Lloyd Right, the other members of the Deadly Friends, to play havoc upon the Chadillac's injuries. It was far from fair, but the crowd supported the Chadillac's effort.
After the match, ringside officials attempted to help the Chadillac back to the locker room, but he wouldn't have it. He stumbled, he fell and he barely made it... but in the end, he walked back to the locker room of his own accord, proving that he is all man and a yard wide.
3pts = The Persuader @5:12
4) Chico Malaise' won the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix last week and Diesel Injun challenged him - not for the World's Title shot that comes along with winning the Grand Prix, but for the actual Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World, a title which has not been regularly defended in over 5 years! The Hungarian League of Professional Grappling Agencies (HLPGA) agreed to put the belt on the line in an official capacity and it. was. ON!
3pts = Chico Malaise' via pinfall @7:44 after a particularly brutal matchup.
5) And finally, that brings us to our main event - a rematch from the Capital Punishment free-for-view: Franklin Lloyd Right challenging the World's Heavyweight Champion Tiger Nightmare, but this time - trapped within the confines of a steel cage! With the Deadly Friends and the Grapplecats barred from ringside, would the outcome of this match turn out any different?
Yes. This time, it only took a little over 2 minutes for Tiger Nightmare to successfully defend his title.
4 pts = Tiger Nightmare via pinfall @ 2:24
And that's our show for this week! All injuries are healed and everyone is back on the active roster next week! Chico Malaise' still has a guaranteed shot at the World's Championship under whatever stipulation he wants! And YOU still have the right to challenge your opponent and hope to win championship gold, the season or both!
1) It would seem the Prince of Peace has deserted his flock, as Jesus Christ - the alleged Manager of Managers - has been on the boards quite infrequently. Without his guiding hand, his stable has been lost. This week, Lee Harvey Awesome and Orville Knorville take on the most unlikely of teams - arch-enemies JC Superstar and Michael Three Cheeses.
3pts = Michael Three Cheeses via pinfall @ 9:50
3pts = JC Superstar
It would seem that JC Superstar is finally on the road to redemption and regaining his mojo. And perhaps he even found some new disciples in the form of the Dog Soldiers... but wouldn't you know it? After the match and a quick handshake, Michael Three-Cheeses slapped the former World's Champion in the face. The Dog Soldiers quickly attacked, producing a large, wooden, cross-shaped object from beneath the ring. They proceeded to strap JC Superstar to the object, which was then suspended above the ring until officials drove the Dog Soldiers off and rescued the Superstar. Poppin' Corn looked on with a smile on his face...
2) Lobo Uno had a bone to pick with Cobra Jaguar. And pick it he did! Despite the seemingly endless amount of cheating and chicanery on the part of the reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion, Tiger Nightmare, the Lone Wolf who walks the lonely road vengeance with no one beside him but himself won the day.
And if you want to have your socks blown clear off of your tootsies, watch the video. SERIOUSLY. Watch it.
3pts = Lobo Uno via pinfall @ 8:10
3) The Chadillac sustained a fairly severe sprain to his elbow and a mild concussion to his occipital protuberance at the CAPITOL PUNISHMENT free-for-view last week. Nevertheless, he came prepared to fight as he took former World's Heavyweight Champion The Persuader. The match spilled outside of the ring on several occasions, enabling Hannibal Murdoch and Franklin Lloyd Right, the other members of the Deadly Friends, to play havoc upon the Chadillac's injuries. It was far from fair, but the crowd supported the Chadillac's effort.
After the match, ringside officials attempted to help the Chadillac back to the locker room, but he wouldn't have it. He stumbled, he fell and he barely made it... but in the end, he walked back to the locker room of his own accord, proving that he is all man and a yard wide.
3pts = The Persuader @5:12
4) Chico Malaise' won the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix last week and Diesel Injun challenged him - not for the World's Title shot that comes along with winning the Grand Prix, but for the actual Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World, a title which has not been regularly defended in over 5 years! The Hungarian League of Professional Grappling Agencies (HLPGA) agreed to put the belt on the line in an official capacity and it. was. ON!
3pts = Chico Malaise' via pinfall @7:44 after a particularly brutal matchup.
5) And finally, that brings us to our main event - a rematch from the Capital Punishment free-for-view: Franklin Lloyd Right challenging the World's Heavyweight Champion Tiger Nightmare, but this time - trapped within the confines of a steel cage! With the Deadly Friends and the Grapplecats barred from ringside, would the outcome of this match turn out any different?
Yes. This time, it only took a little over 2 minutes for Tiger Nightmare to successfully defend his title.
4 pts = Tiger Nightmare via pinfall @ 2:24
And that's our show for this week! All injuries are healed and everyone is back on the active roster next week! Chico Malaise' still has a guaranteed shot at the World's Championship under whatever stipulation he wants! And YOU still have the right to challenge your opponent and hope to win championship gold, the season or both!
27.2.13
* FUCR THURSDAY! RESULTS * 2/28/13 *
Ladies and gentlemen, THIS FRIDAY marks the biggest event of the season thus far and the return of a tradition - the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix. But before we can get there, we have to get over the hump of battle, pain and sacrifice. Ladies and gentlemen, lets get down to the ring.
1) Why not kick the show off with a main event feud that dominated a portion of last season? Two legends of the sport - 2 time former World's Champion Dr. Matsumoto (Jesus Christ) and one of his arch rivals and the only man to defeat Matsumoto last season - former World's Champion and former USMC drill sergeant, Sgt. Octopus (Mick "Truck" Drivor) .
It took just over three minutes of action for Dr. Matsumoto to make Sgt. Octopus submit to his Fujiwara Armbar... which means that not only will Sgt. Octopus be on the shelf next week in order to heal the injury - he will also miss the Capitol Punishment Free-for-View and the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix! It's only our first match and the after-effects are far reaching.
3pts = Dr. Matsumoto via submission @ 3:19
2) In a surprise upset that shocked even the most knowledgeable members of the FUCR Board of Directors, Michael Three Cheeses (Poppin Corn) defeated Former World's Champion JC Superstar (Millionaire) !!!
3pts = Michael Three Cheeses via pinfall @5:43
3) Hannibal Murdoch (Rush Limbaugh) defeated Orville Knorville (Jesus Christ) in what can only be described as a four star, Match of the Year Candidate! It took 4 minutes for the referee to eject Persuader and once his cheating ways were excluded from the ringside area, Orville Knorville jumped the proverbial ramp, leaped over 47 buses and scored a crash landing pinfall on Murdoch!
3pts = Orville Knorville via pinfall @6:34
4) Diesel Injun (Poppin Corn) defeated Battle Cat (Simon Pimpleton) despite an excessive amount of cheating by World's Champion Tiger Nightmare, who insists on bringing shame to the rich, rich prize he holds around his waist!
3pts = Diesel Injun via pinfall @8:34
As has become the norm lately, Simon Pimpleton's appearance at ringside was followed by scads of fans bearing signs and placards proclaiming a variety of statements regarding Simon and his true parentage.
"Cheryl Halstedder is a whore!" said one. "I'm Simon's real father" and "I'll take a DNA test" said others. Still other signs were less clever and were emblazoned with crude statements such as "I'm not Simon's dad; I only fucked Cheryl in the ass!"
Cheryl Halstedder has not issued a statement regarding these allegations as of this writing.
5) It was a brutal match between the two biggest behemoths in FUCR when Chico Malaise' took on the Chadillac and it took exactly 4 minutes to end. But they were four of the deadliest minutes we have ever seen.
3pts = Chico Malaise' via pinfall @4:00
6) And finally, our main event. If Franklin Lloyd Right, Architect of Pain (Rush Limbaugh) can continue his winning ways, he will be crowned #1 contender and face Tiger Nightmare this Friday at Capitol Punishment. But in order to do that, he must defeat a man with the powers and abilities of the two deadliest animals on the planet - Cobra Jaguar (Simon Pimpleton)!!!
He did.
3pts = Franklin Lloyd Right via pinfall @10:38
*** And that's the show! Next up - FUCR is going to Washington DC for our next free-for-view: CAPITOL PUNISHMENT!
* Tiger Nightmare will defend his World's Heavyweight Championship against Franklin Lloyd Right, the Architect of Pain
* And don't forget the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix! With a rich tradition dating back to 1998 and tied to the lineage of the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World, this event will feature full stables in action against each other in survivor series style elimination matches!
1) Why not kick the show off with a main event feud that dominated a portion of last season? Two legends of the sport - 2 time former World's Champion Dr. Matsumoto (Jesus Christ) and one of his arch rivals and the only man to defeat Matsumoto last season - former World's Champion and former USMC drill sergeant, Sgt. Octopus (Mick "Truck" Drivor) .
It took just over three minutes of action for Dr. Matsumoto to make Sgt. Octopus submit to his Fujiwara Armbar... which means that not only will Sgt. Octopus be on the shelf next week in order to heal the injury - he will also miss the Capitol Punishment Free-for-View and the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix! It's only our first match and the after-effects are far reaching.
3pts = Dr. Matsumoto via submission @ 3:19
2) In a surprise upset that shocked even the most knowledgeable members of the FUCR Board of Directors, Michael Three Cheeses (Poppin Corn) defeated Former World's Champion JC Superstar (Millionaire) !!!
3pts = Michael Three Cheeses via pinfall @5:43
3) Hannibal Murdoch (Rush Limbaugh) defeated Orville Knorville (Jesus Christ) in what can only be described as a four star, Match of the Year Candidate! It took 4 minutes for the referee to eject Persuader and once his cheating ways were excluded from the ringside area, Orville Knorville jumped the proverbial ramp, leaped over 47 buses and scored a crash landing pinfall on Murdoch!
3pts = Orville Knorville via pinfall @6:34
4) Diesel Injun (Poppin Corn) defeated Battle Cat (Simon Pimpleton) despite an excessive amount of cheating by World's Champion Tiger Nightmare, who insists on bringing shame to the rich, rich prize he holds around his waist!
3pts = Diesel Injun via pinfall @8:34
As has become the norm lately, Simon Pimpleton's appearance at ringside was followed by scads of fans bearing signs and placards proclaiming a variety of statements regarding Simon and his true parentage.
"Cheryl Halstedder is a whore!" said one. "I'm Simon's real father" and "I'll take a DNA test" said others. Still other signs were less clever and were emblazoned with crude statements such as "I'm not Simon's dad; I only fucked Cheryl in the ass!"
Cheryl Halstedder has not issued a statement regarding these allegations as of this writing.
5) It was a brutal match between the two biggest behemoths in FUCR when Chico Malaise' took on the Chadillac and it took exactly 4 minutes to end. But they were four of the deadliest minutes we have ever seen.
3pts = Chico Malaise' via pinfall @4:00
6) And finally, our main event. If Franklin Lloyd Right, Architect of Pain (Rush Limbaugh) can continue his winning ways, he will be crowned #1 contender and face Tiger Nightmare this Friday at Capitol Punishment. But in order to do that, he must defeat a man with the powers and abilities of the two deadliest animals on the planet - Cobra Jaguar (Simon Pimpleton)!!!
He did.
3pts = Franklin Lloyd Right via pinfall @10:38
*** And that's the show! Next up - FUCR is going to Washington DC for our next free-for-view: CAPITOL PUNISHMENT!
* Tiger Nightmare will defend his World's Heavyweight Championship against Franklin Lloyd Right, the Architect of Pain
* And don't forget the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix! With a rich tradition dating back to 1998 and tied to the lineage of the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World, this event will feature full stables in action against each other in survivor series style elimination matches!
21.2.13
* FUCR FRIDAY * FEBRUARY 22 * RESULTS! *
It's Week Three of the season and we're another step closer to determining a #1 contender for the richest prize in the sport, currently held by Tiger Nightmare, the World's Heavyweight Championship. Since 2007, it has been the standard of excellence in professional fantasy wrestling.
And speaking of the World's Champion, he and his partner Cobra Jaguar (managed by the Amazing Simon Pimpleton) kicked off the evening in a grand fashion when they took on Mick "Truck" Drivor's team of Lobo Uno and Sgt. Octopus. If you watch no other videos this season, you MUST see the entrance of the Grapplecats...
And if you'd care to see a bit of the action, you could watch the following...
And if you want to see the victory celebration after Tiger Nightmare pinned former World's Champion Sgt. Octopus after MUCH interference from Battle Cat, watch this...
The Grapplecats have proven themselves to be THE force to reckon with in FUCR, but it is due as much to raw talent as it is to chicanery and devilish tactics. It's as though this three-man wrecking crew is akin to a Feline Freebirds, wreaking havoc and ensuring that if they leave here tomorrow, you will definitely remember them.
3pts = Tiger Nightmare via pinfall @ 12:06
3pts = Cobra Jaguar for being there
2) Next up, The Persuader (Rush Limbaugh) battled "Kingbee" Willy Malone (Millionaire) in a steel cage rematch worth 4 points! It was a short but brutal affair that went a little something like this...
4pts = "Kingbee" Willy Malone via pinfall @ 3:56
Will the series go to a 3rd deciding match? Only Rush Limbaugh knows for sure...
3) The Chadillac (Millionaire) has been on a tear as of late, pinning Cobra Jaguar and Sgt. Octopus... but his undefeated streak came to an end at the hands of a man who represents both the Irish and the Native American people who have founded this country - Manitou McIntosh (Poppin' Corn). This victory came in no small part to the interference and machinations of one Poppin' Corn himself, who seems to have taken his recent losses to heart and is striking back with vengeance.
3pts = Manitou McIntosh via pinfall @ 5:56
4) Poppin' Corn and his Dog Soldiers stayed in the ring for the next match - a grudge match between Diesel Injun and Lee Harvey Awesome (Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers). It was just one short week ago that Jesus' Apostles mercilessly attacked the Dog Soldiers and wrapped them in smallpox infected blankets, announcing that the God of the White Man would defeat and supplant the Great Spirit. But it was not to be on this night... for on this night, after a lengthy battle and MUCH interference from Michael Three Cheeses, Diesel Injun scored a pinfall victory!
It would seem that the White Man's God was little match for the Great Spirit of the Chippewa, the Cheyenne, the Oglala and so many others.
3pts = Diesel Injun @ 6:41 via pinfall.
5) And our main event was the final match in a best-of-three series between former World's Heavyweight Champion Dr. Matsumoto (Jesus Christ) and Rush Limbaugh's Franklin Lloyd Right, Architect of Pain ... after a standard match and a steel cage match, the only way this score could be settled was by hanging a briefcase 15 feet above the ring. The winner would earn not only the $50, 000 in the briefcase, but also a grand total of 5 points! And the winner, after over 6 minutes of combat...
5pts = Franklin Lloyd Right, Architect of Pain
* * * And that's our show, fans! Next week is the final week before the season's 2nd big Free-For-View event, CAPITAL PUNISHMENT! Live from Washington DC, our nation's capitol, this event will be an extravaganza of awesomeness featuring celebrities and stars and most importantly - RASSLIN! So get your challenges in and challenge wisely, for your choices will determine the #1 contender to Tiger Nightmare's throne! * * *
And speaking of the World's Champion, he and his partner Cobra Jaguar (managed by the Amazing Simon Pimpleton) kicked off the evening in a grand fashion when they took on Mick "Truck" Drivor's team of Lobo Uno and Sgt. Octopus. If you watch no other videos this season, you MUST see the entrance of the Grapplecats...
And if you'd care to see a bit of the action, you could watch the following...
And if you want to see the victory celebration after Tiger Nightmare pinned former World's Champion Sgt. Octopus after MUCH interference from Battle Cat, watch this...
The Grapplecats have proven themselves to be THE force to reckon with in FUCR, but it is due as much to raw talent as it is to chicanery and devilish tactics. It's as though this three-man wrecking crew is akin to a Feline Freebirds, wreaking havoc and ensuring that if they leave here tomorrow, you will definitely remember them.
3pts = Tiger Nightmare via pinfall @ 12:06
3pts = Cobra Jaguar for being there
2) Next up, The Persuader (Rush Limbaugh) battled "Kingbee" Willy Malone (Millionaire) in a steel cage rematch worth 4 points! It was a short but brutal affair that went a little something like this...
4pts = "Kingbee" Willy Malone via pinfall @ 3:56
Will the series go to a 3rd deciding match? Only Rush Limbaugh knows for sure...
3) The Chadillac (Millionaire) has been on a tear as of late, pinning Cobra Jaguar and Sgt. Octopus... but his undefeated streak came to an end at the hands of a man who represents both the Irish and the Native American people who have founded this country - Manitou McIntosh (Poppin' Corn). This victory came in no small part to the interference and machinations of one Poppin' Corn himself, who seems to have taken his recent losses to heart and is striking back with vengeance.
3pts = Manitou McIntosh via pinfall @ 5:56
4) Poppin' Corn and his Dog Soldiers stayed in the ring for the next match - a grudge match between Diesel Injun and Lee Harvey Awesome (Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers). It was just one short week ago that Jesus' Apostles mercilessly attacked the Dog Soldiers and wrapped them in smallpox infected blankets, announcing that the God of the White Man would defeat and supplant the Great Spirit. But it was not to be on this night... for on this night, after a lengthy battle and MUCH interference from Michael Three Cheeses, Diesel Injun scored a pinfall victory!
It would seem that the White Man's God was little match for the Great Spirit of the Chippewa, the Cheyenne, the Oglala and so many others.
3pts = Diesel Injun @ 6:41 via pinfall.
5) And our main event was the final match in a best-of-three series between former World's Heavyweight Champion Dr. Matsumoto (Jesus Christ) and Rush Limbaugh's Franklin Lloyd Right, Architect of Pain ... after a standard match and a steel cage match, the only way this score could be settled was by hanging a briefcase 15 feet above the ring. The winner would earn not only the $50, 000 in the briefcase, but also a grand total of 5 points! And the winner, after over 6 minutes of combat...
5pts = Franklin Lloyd Right, Architect of Pain
* * * And that's our show, fans! Next week is the final week before the season's 2nd big Free-For-View event, CAPITAL PUNISHMENT! Live from Washington DC, our nation's capitol, this event will be an extravaganza of awesomeness featuring celebrities and stars and most importantly - RASSLIN! So get your challenges in and challenge wisely, for your choices will determine the #1 contender to Tiger Nightmare's throne! * * *
14.2.13
* FUCR FRIDAY * FEBRUARY 15 * RESULTS! *
Ladies, gentlemen and professional fantasy wrestling fans, WELCOME BACK! You may not know what sound a tree makes when it falls in the woods and no one is around, but you know damn well what a steel chair upside the head sounds like, don't you? DON'T YOU?!?! Now shut the fuck up and lets get down to the ring.
1) Former World's Heavyweight Champion The Persuader stepped into the ring representing Rush Limbaugh and the Deadly Friends. His challenger was none other than "Kingbee" Willy Malone, managed by the Millionaire and trained by the legendary "Kingpin" Billy LaLonde. One would expect nothing less than a barnburner and that is exactly what one got. Persuader dominated and put the 'Bee away in under four minutes. Here's the victory celebration...
3 pts. = Persuader @ 3:19 via pinfall.
As the FUCR cameras swept over the capacity crowd, fans noticed the Denver Broncos starting lineup in the front row, along with some members of the National Guard and former FUCR manager Count Dante. Additionally, there were a number of signs painted with slogans such as "I am Simon Pimpleton's Father" and "I f***ed Cheryl Halstedder and all I got was that ugly kid", among other offensive statements concerning the Grapplecats' manager and his alleged lack of definitive paternal parentage.
2) And speaking of the Amazing Simon Pimpleton, his Grapplecats (World Champion Tiger Nightmare and partner Cobra Jaguar) were up next, taking on the Dog Soldiers (Michael Three-Cheeses and Manitou McIntosh), managed by Poppin' Corn. It took just over THIRTEEN minutes of devastating action and non-stop ass-whuppery before it was over. And when it was over, the Champ proved his dominance, pinning Michael Three-Cheeses.
3pts = Tiger Nightmare @ 13:56 via pinfall
3pts = Cobra Jaguar
After the match, the stable of Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers, rushed the ring. Dr. Matsumoto, Orville Knorville and Lee Harvey Awesome laid boots to the Dog Soldiers and even went so far as to wrap them in smallpox infected blankets! It seems that the god of the white man has no room in his new world for the Great Spirit and those who follow nature's lead...
3) Lee Harvey Awesome (Jesus Christ) fought long and hard against Chico Malaise' (Truck Drivor) ... it was almost nine minutes of pain and destruction and we've got the footage to prove it!
3pts = Chico Malaise' via pinfall @ 8:41
4) Sgt. Octopus (Truck) proved himself to be a future Hall of Famer last season when he twice defeated Dr. Matsumoto and won the World's Heavyweight Championship. This season... not so much. After last week's humiliating loss to Diesel Injun, this week saw Sgt. Octopus take on another rookie and lose. Of course, this week the former USMC drill sergeant was facing The Chadillac, the protege' of former FUCR General Manager and 50-time Hungarian Champion "Polish Prince" Chad Derdowski.
3pts = Chadillac @ 6:01 via pinfall
5) Our main event was a rematch from last week. Former World's Heavyweight Champion Dr. Matsumoto (Jesus Christ) suffered only the 2nd pinfall loss in his career at the hands of Franklin Lloyd Right (Rush Limbaugh) and this week, he intended to get a measure of revenge inside the cold steel confines of Caged Heat! And in just 2:14, Matsumoto did indeed get his revenge... with his feet on the ropes! But there's no instant replay in professional fantasy wrestling, so Matsumoto picks up the win! Now the grapplers are tied at 1-1 ... will we see a decisive winner in the coming weeks?
3pts = Dr. Matsumoto via pinfall @ 2:14 + 1 rematch point
* And that's our show! Now's the time to issue your challenges and speaketh thine shittery on ye olde boards of message... have at it! *
1) Former World's Heavyweight Champion The Persuader stepped into the ring representing Rush Limbaugh and the Deadly Friends. His challenger was none other than "Kingbee" Willy Malone, managed by the Millionaire and trained by the legendary "Kingpin" Billy LaLonde. One would expect nothing less than a barnburner and that is exactly what one got. Persuader dominated and put the 'Bee away in under four minutes. Here's the victory celebration...
3 pts. = Persuader @ 3:19 via pinfall.
As the FUCR cameras swept over the capacity crowd, fans noticed the Denver Broncos starting lineup in the front row, along with some members of the National Guard and former FUCR manager Count Dante. Additionally, there were a number of signs painted with slogans such as "I am Simon Pimpleton's Father" and "I f***ed Cheryl Halstedder and all I got was that ugly kid", among other offensive statements concerning the Grapplecats' manager and his alleged lack of definitive paternal parentage.
2) And speaking of the Amazing Simon Pimpleton, his Grapplecats (World Champion Tiger Nightmare and partner Cobra Jaguar) were up next, taking on the Dog Soldiers (Michael Three-Cheeses and Manitou McIntosh), managed by Poppin' Corn. It took just over THIRTEEN minutes of devastating action and non-stop ass-whuppery before it was over. And when it was over, the Champ proved his dominance, pinning Michael Three-Cheeses.
3pts = Tiger Nightmare @ 13:56 via pinfall
3pts = Cobra Jaguar
After the match, the stable of Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers, rushed the ring. Dr. Matsumoto, Orville Knorville and Lee Harvey Awesome laid boots to the Dog Soldiers and even went so far as to wrap them in smallpox infected blankets! It seems that the god of the white man has no room in his new world for the Great Spirit and those who follow nature's lead...
3) Lee Harvey Awesome (Jesus Christ) fought long and hard against Chico Malaise' (Truck Drivor) ... it was almost nine minutes of pain and destruction and we've got the footage to prove it!
3pts = Chico Malaise' via pinfall @ 8:41
4) Sgt. Octopus (Truck) proved himself to be a future Hall of Famer last season when he twice defeated Dr. Matsumoto and won the World's Heavyweight Championship. This season... not so much. After last week's humiliating loss to Diesel Injun, this week saw Sgt. Octopus take on another rookie and lose. Of course, this week the former USMC drill sergeant was facing The Chadillac, the protege' of former FUCR General Manager and 50-time Hungarian Champion "Polish Prince" Chad Derdowski.
3pts = Chadillac @ 6:01 via pinfall
5) Our main event was a rematch from last week. Former World's Heavyweight Champion Dr. Matsumoto (Jesus Christ) suffered only the 2nd pinfall loss in his career at the hands of Franklin Lloyd Right (Rush Limbaugh) and this week, he intended to get a measure of revenge inside the cold steel confines of Caged Heat! And in just 2:14, Matsumoto did indeed get his revenge... with his feet on the ropes! But there's no instant replay in professional fantasy wrestling, so Matsumoto picks up the win! Now the grapplers are tied at 1-1 ... will we see a decisive winner in the coming weeks?
3pts = Dr. Matsumoto via pinfall @ 2:14 + 1 rematch point
* And that's our show! Now's the time to issue your challenges and speaketh thine shittery on ye olde boards of message... have at it! *
7.2.13
* FUCR FRIDAY * 2/8/13 * RESULTS! *
With Deadly Genesis II in the rear view mirror, we cast our gaze forward to the first FUCR Friday event - and what an event! Newly crowned World's Heavyweight Champion Tiger Nightmare puts his belt on the line against the former champ and last season's Wrestler of the Year, J.C. Superstar. Let's get right to the action...
1) Kicking it all off was a fierce battle between Manitou McIntosh (Poppin Corn) and Hannibal Murdoch (Rush Limbaugh) . It was about as even of a match as either manager could hope for and 100% action from bell to bell. At 5:28, the man who shares his name with not one, but TWO members of the A-Team scored a pinfall.
Hannibal Murdoch = 3 pts. via pinfall @ 5:28
2) Next up, Lobo Uno (Mick "Truck" Drivor) and Lee Harvey Awesome (Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers) squared off in another epic battle. It was a rematch of sorts, as these two men were the final competitors in a 6-man over the top rope battle royal which took place last week - a battle royal that Lobo Uno, the lone wolf who walks alone, howling at the moon in the dead of night, won. No quarter asked, none given - this was a war of attrition. But there can be only one and tonight, that one was Lee Harvey Awesome via pinfall. If ever there was a match that deserved rematch, it was this one!
Lee Harvey Awesome = 3pts. via pinfall @ 7:24
3) Officially, Cobra Jaguar (Simon Pimpleton) challenged The Chadillac (Millionaire) to a match... unofficially, their teammates Battle Cat and "Kingbee" Willy Malone joined in the fracas to make this a Texas Tornado tag team battle. And the end result...
Chadillac = 3 pts. via pinfall @ 6:11
4) Only one man can lay claim to a pinfall victory over Dr. Matsumoto. That man is former World's Heavyweight Champion Sgt. Octopus (Mick "Truck" Drivor) ... It is this fact which makes Diesel Injun's(Poppin Corn) victory over the former Marine Corps drill sergeant that much more impressive. Diesel dominated the match due to a heaping helping of interference from Michael Three-Cheeses, who was eventually ejected from the ringside area.
Diesel Injun = 3 pts. via pinfall @ 5:36
5) Did we say only one man has pinned Dr. Matsumoto? Oh... well... I guess having a guy like The Persuader as your teammate can work in your favor. But make no mistake; while the coaching skills and alleged brass knucks of the Persuader may have helped, the Architect of Pain won this one through skill, determination and a seriously piss-poor attitude.
Franklin Lloyd Right, Architect of Pain = 3pts. via pinfall @ 3:16
6) Which brings us to our main event. We've captured the second half of the match and posted it for your viewing pleasure. It was quite a doozy and it was for all the money, marbles and chalk. Last week, Tiger Nightmare, the leader of the Grapplecats, took home the title in a Beyond Thunderdome: War Games Elimination Match. But can he hold on to his crown against the stepson of a carpenter? The man who previously held the belt: J.C. Superstar?
Tiger Nightmare = 3pts. via pinfall @ 5:38 + 1 rematch point.
* And that's the show, folks! We'll be back in just seven short days on February 15, 2013 for another awesome show. Please get your challenges in before Friday night is over and please talk as much shit as you can on the message boards! * And don't forget - if a loser challenges a winner to a rematch, there's an extra point on the line! *
1) Kicking it all off was a fierce battle between Manitou McIntosh (Poppin Corn) and Hannibal Murdoch (Rush Limbaugh) . It was about as even of a match as either manager could hope for and 100% action from bell to bell. At 5:28, the man who shares his name with not one, but TWO members of the A-Team scored a pinfall.
Hannibal Murdoch = 3 pts. via pinfall @ 5:28
2) Next up, Lobo Uno (Mick "Truck" Drivor) and Lee Harvey Awesome (Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers) squared off in another epic battle. It was a rematch of sorts, as these two men were the final competitors in a 6-man over the top rope battle royal which took place last week - a battle royal that Lobo Uno, the lone wolf who walks alone, howling at the moon in the dead of night, won. No quarter asked, none given - this was a war of attrition. But there can be only one and tonight, that one was Lee Harvey Awesome via pinfall. If ever there was a match that deserved rematch, it was this one!
Lee Harvey Awesome = 3pts. via pinfall @ 7:24
3) Officially, Cobra Jaguar (Simon Pimpleton) challenged The Chadillac (Millionaire) to a match... unofficially, their teammates Battle Cat and "Kingbee" Willy Malone joined in the fracas to make this a Texas Tornado tag team battle. And the end result...
Chadillac = 3 pts. via pinfall @ 6:11
4) Only one man can lay claim to a pinfall victory over Dr. Matsumoto. That man is former World's Heavyweight Champion Sgt. Octopus (Mick "Truck" Drivor) ... It is this fact which makes Diesel Injun's(Poppin Corn) victory over the former Marine Corps drill sergeant that much more impressive. Diesel dominated the match due to a heaping helping of interference from Michael Three-Cheeses, who was eventually ejected from the ringside area.
Diesel Injun = 3 pts. via pinfall @ 5:36
5) Did we say only one man has pinned Dr. Matsumoto? Oh... well... I guess having a guy like The Persuader as your teammate can work in your favor. But make no mistake; while the coaching skills and alleged brass knucks of the Persuader may have helped, the Architect of Pain won this one through skill, determination and a seriously piss-poor attitude.
Franklin Lloyd Right, Architect of Pain = 3pts. via pinfall @ 3:16
6) Which brings us to our main event. We've captured the second half of the match and posted it for your viewing pleasure. It was quite a doozy and it was for all the money, marbles and chalk. Last week, Tiger Nightmare, the leader of the Grapplecats, took home the title in a Beyond Thunderdome: War Games Elimination Match. But can he hold on to his crown against the stepson of a carpenter? The man who previously held the belt: J.C. Superstar?
Tiger Nightmare = 3pts. via pinfall @ 5:38 + 1 rematch point.
* And that's the show, folks! We'll be back in just seven short days on February 15, 2013 for another awesome show. Please get your challenges in before Friday night is over and please talk as much shit as you can on the message boards! * And don't forget - if a loser challenges a winner to a rematch, there's an extra point on the line! *
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