After much delay, our flagship event is finally here! It's been a long and tumultuous season wrought with controversy, chaos and tragedy. But now, the pot at the end of the rainbow has arrived. Before we begin, let's take a look at the point standings and review the matches.
Lobo Uno, managed by Mick "Truck" Drivor, will be accepting the challenge of two time former World's Champion The Thrillionaire, managed by the self-proclaimed "most fucked man in wrestling", The Millionaire. With 48 and 46 points respectively, this 10-point match could set either man over the edge and crown a Manager of the Year.
Our other big match is a champion vs. champion encounter pitting three-time World's Heavyweight Champion "Kingbee" Willy Malone (managed by Poppin' Corn) against former World's Champion and two-time Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World, The Chadillac (managed by Simon Pimpleton).
The match is worth only 3 points, which are enough to cement Poppin' Corn as Manager of the Year, but what's really on the line here is the pride of two legendary wrestling promotions.
It was 2007 when Charles "Stinkyteats" Wheezleton broke away from the VGWA to establish his own title - the World's Championship. And in time, that belt gained prominence over the Hungarian Title; even after FUCR was folded back into the VGWA. Over the following five years, it has been a battle for dominance between these two promotions. And it hasn't been without incident...
Who can forget when VGWA stars such as Monte Altazzar, Pappy, Jon Derby, Manimal, Bronson Thunderhammer, Scissorwolf and others defected to join the ranks of the Nintendo Wrestling Association (and later FUCR)? And who can forget when 50-time Hungarian Champion "Polish Prince" Chad Derdowski nearly bankrupted the NWA when he and Pappy were caught supplying the underage Jenny Glorpp with alcohol?
And who can forget when legendary VGWA performer Blackjack Billy "the Kingpin" LaLonde started his own rival promotion and was briefly awarded control of the World's Championship by the VGWA Board of Directors? What about Monte Altazzar's mysterious death? A death which has yet to be solved?
And now, the second generation of stars takes the stage as men like The Thrillionaire, the Chadillac and "Kingbee" Willy Malone ascend to the heavens of professional fantasy wrestling...
Also on the card tonight, Dr. Sydney M. Basil reveals the TRUTH about Simon Pimpleton's parentage!
1) The first half of our double main event was nearly 12 minutes of non-stop action and pain. Both men knew they were fighting to secure the top spot for their managers and both men knew that they wanted to make the other suffer as much as possible. But in the end, only one man could walk away with the prize and that man was the lone wolf who walks alone and stalks the night as a one-man wolfpack, but not a lame one-man wolfpack like those shitty Hangover sequels - a fucking REAL fucking one-man wolfpack, and that man is LOBO UNO.
10 points = Lobo Uno via pinfall@ 6:35.
Before the 2nd half of the double main event on our two match card could take place, the VGWA Board of Directors took to the ring. They said that the Wrestler of the Year award had already been determined, despite the season not quite being over! This year was a special year, they said and as such, unfurled a rather expensive and fancy looking piece of parchment. The ring bell, it chimed until it rang 29 times for each man who died this season and then some.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Wrestlers of the Year for the 2013 season are:
Tiger Nightmare
Cobra Jaguar
Battle Cat
Persuader
Franklin Lloyd Right, the Architect of Pain
Hannibal Murdoch
Orville Knorville
Chico Malaise'
Dr. Matsumoto
Diesel Injun
Michael Three Cheeses
Manitou McIntosh
And now, lets quit all our cryin' and bellyachin' and get to the main event!
2) The match was 2-out-of-3 falls. The participants involved were the alleged illegitimate love child of "Kingpin" Billy LaLonde and Queen Bee, "Kingbee" Willy Malone and his arch rival, the protégé of the most decorated Hungarian Champion ever, The Chadillac. Both the World's Heavyweight Championship and the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World, with a lineage dating back to last century, were on the line, though technically, this was not a title unification match as both belts will be defended under separate contracts.
The first fall went to "Kingbee" at 5:28 when The Chadillac tapped out to his Human Torture Rack. The second fall also went to Malone at 7:45 ... same hold. Same results.
3 points and the Hungarian Championship were awarded to Kingbee's manager, Poppin' Corn, bringing his total up to 58 points!
"Kingbee" Willy Malone celebrated in the ring, embracing Chadillac and referring to himself as the Undisputed World's Heavyweight Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World... a shower of black and yellow confetti littered the ring and the arena.
And then Lobo Uno's music hit.
Accompanied by Mick "Truck" Drivor, who promptly stated that with 58 points of his own, he was tied with Poppin' Corn as the Manager of the Year, the one-man stalking nightmare of wolfocity spit upon "Kingbee" and called his dual championship worthless.
And then Dr. Sydney M. Basil hit the ring.
Holding a manila envelope, Basil stated that any and all disputes over awards would simply have to wait... because he had the results from Simon Pimpleton's paternity test in his hand. Basil was joined by Pimpleton and his mother, Cheryl Halstedder. Fans noted that Pimpleton looked older somehow and it was confirmed by both his mother and his doctor that yes, Simon Pimpleton does in fact suffer from Soap Opera Children's Disorder, commonly known as SOCP, a disease which causes a child to age to their teen years rapidly after spending a brief period of time away at summer camp or on a vacation.
Choosing not to waste any more time, Dr. Basil produced the results of the paternity test and it was revealed that Simon Pimpleton's TRUE father was...
...
...
CHARLES "STINKYTEATS" WHEEZLETON
And the crowd. Went. Nuts.
Pimpleton grabbed the microphone. He spit in Malone's face and called him a paper champ. The Chadillac attacked Malone from behind and Lobo Uno put Poppin' Corn in a full nelson. Simon Pimpleton... or should we say SIMON WHEEZLETON declared himself the King of FUCR and now that he was heir to the proverbial throne of professional fantasy wrestling, he chose to become the tiebreaker... the Manager of the Year Award goes to Mick "Truck" Drivor, who wins by decision!!!
The crowd littered the ring with trash as the heels savagely beat both the Champ and his manager, leaving a pile of broken bodies in the ring. Jenny Glorpp joined Simon Wheezleton in the ring and the two began passionately kissing! Simon put his hand up her shirt and brazenly felt her up on live television while Jenny stroked the growing bulge in his pants! It was disgusting! Finally, the show went off the air with Wheezleton, Drivor, Lobo Uno, Chadillac and Jenny Glorpp celebrating while Willy Malone and Poppin Corn were carted out of the arena - championships intact, but pride and bodies badly hurt.
And that's the season, folks! Who says 2013 is bad luck?
Showing posts with label Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix. Show all posts
28.2.13
* CAPITOL PUNISHMENT * Free-For-View * RESULTS! *
Welcome, wrestling fans, to the biggest event of the season (so far). Not only will the reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion Tiger Nightmare be defending his title against #1 contender Franklin Lloyd Right, Capitol Punishment is also home to the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix. Dating back to 1998, the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World was the top prize in professional fantasy wrestling for many years. Now, it is defending annually in an ever-evolving tournament.
Here's how it works: Round One will feature stable vs. stable action and more violence than a gaggle of studs let loose in a barn full of fillies. The matches will be fought elimination style and the survivors will each receive 3 points for victory.
Round Two is a 6-man Beyond Thunderdome: War Games match. The competitors will receive 3 points for each pinfall (or submission) they score and an additional 3 points for overall victory? Confused? Too bad! Let's get to the ring...
1) The first match pitted Jesus Christ, Manager of Manager's stable against Poppin' Corn's Dog Soldiers. These two managers have fought tooth and nail over differences in faith and today, it all comes to a head. And it went down like this:
* Diesel Injun pinned Dr. Matsumoto @ 15:17
* Michael Three-Cheeses pinned Lee Harvey Awesome @ 17:35
* Manitou McIntosh pinned Orville Knorville @ 19:48
3pts = Diesel Injun
3pts = Michael Three-Cheeses
3pts = Manitou McIntosh
2) Next up, The Millionaire's Million Dollar Dream Team took on Grapplecats... but since Tiger Nightmare is in the main event, we're letting him save himself and giving him the match off. So the match ended up going like this...
* Cobra Jaguar made "Kingbee" Willy Malone tap @ 14:51
* Cobra Jaguar was counted out @ 15:12 when an outside-the-ring scuffle with JC Superstar went on a little too long!
* JC Superstar pinned Battle Cat @ 17:08
3pts = JC Superstar
3pts = Chadillac
3) The next match saw the Deadly Friends take on Mick Drivor's team of ... uh... well, we don't have a catchy name for them. But they're really tough. And the same rules applied to the Deadly Friends - we let FLR have the match off to prepare for his title shot. But just as the match was about to start, who should run to the ring but last year's Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix winner, The Phantom Dandy!
He said there was no way he was going to let the show go on without him and he took the injured Sgt. Octopus' place! As the current reigning Hungarian Champion, we couldn't stop him - plus, he invoked the legendary Bowl Clause in order to insert himself in the match!
* Lobo Uno pinned Persuader @ 16:37
* Phantom Dandy pinned Hannibal Murdoch @ 18:37
3pts = Lobo Uno
3pts = Chico Malaise'
4) Tonight's main event was a classic scientific match-up of epic proportions between Franklin Lloyd Right, the Architect of Pain and Tiger Nightmare - the reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion. The match saw managers on both sides attempt to cheat in order to score victory. The match saw blood, sweat and tears. And finally, the match saw this...
Your winner and STILL World's Champion: Tiger Nightmare!
3pts = Tiger Nightmare
5) Finally, it was time for the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix finale. Per the rules, only 6 men can enter the Thunderdome, so Diesel Injun drew the short straw in order to leave two representatives from each team. Phantom Dandy, having pulled a hamstring during the previous match, sat this one out. The match went like this...
* Manitou McIntosh started the match against his own partner, Michael Three-Cheeses!
* At 1:00, Lobo Uno entered the fray!
* JC Superstar was next in at the 2 minute mark!
* Chadillac was the next entrant at 3 minutes.
* Finally, Chico Malaise' was buzzed in and the War Games began...
* Lobo Uno pinned Michael Three-Cheeses @ 5:10
* Lobo Uno made the Chadillac tap at 7:06
* JC Superstar pinned Manitou McIntosh @ 7:58
* Chico Malaise' pinned his own partner, Lobo Uno, @ 10:18
Chico Malaise pinned JC Superstar @ 11:54 to win! He was granted possession of the old Hungarian Championship belt by Phantom Dandy. In addition, he has the right to challenge for a shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship at any time, under whatever stipulation he chooses!
6pts = Lobo Uno
3pts = JC Superstar
6pts = Chico Malaise
Check the Rasslin' Bidness page to see the month-end score totals! Make a challenge for next week! Remember that Sgt. Octopus and Chadillac are both on the injured list!
Here's how it works: Round One will feature stable vs. stable action and more violence than a gaggle of studs let loose in a barn full of fillies. The matches will be fought elimination style and the survivors will each receive 3 points for victory.
Round Two is a 6-man Beyond Thunderdome: War Games match. The competitors will receive 3 points for each pinfall (or submission) they score and an additional 3 points for overall victory? Confused? Too bad! Let's get to the ring...
1) The first match pitted Jesus Christ, Manager of Manager's stable against Poppin' Corn's Dog Soldiers. These two managers have fought tooth and nail over differences in faith and today, it all comes to a head. And it went down like this:
* Diesel Injun pinned Dr. Matsumoto @ 15:17
* Michael Three-Cheeses pinned Lee Harvey Awesome @ 17:35
* Manitou McIntosh pinned Orville Knorville @ 19:48
3pts = Diesel Injun
3pts = Michael Three-Cheeses
3pts = Manitou McIntosh
2) Next up, The Millionaire's Million Dollar Dream Team took on Grapplecats... but since Tiger Nightmare is in the main event, we're letting him save himself and giving him the match off. So the match ended up going like this...
* Cobra Jaguar made "Kingbee" Willy Malone tap @ 14:51
* Cobra Jaguar was counted out @ 15:12 when an outside-the-ring scuffle with JC Superstar went on a little too long!
* JC Superstar pinned Battle Cat @ 17:08
3pts = JC Superstar
3pts = Chadillac
3) The next match saw the Deadly Friends take on Mick Drivor's team of ... uh... well, we don't have a catchy name for them. But they're really tough. And the same rules applied to the Deadly Friends - we let FLR have the match off to prepare for his title shot. But just as the match was about to start, who should run to the ring but last year's Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix winner, The Phantom Dandy!
He said there was no way he was going to let the show go on without him and he took the injured Sgt. Octopus' place! As the current reigning Hungarian Champion, we couldn't stop him - plus, he invoked the legendary Bowl Clause in order to insert himself in the match!
* Lobo Uno pinned Persuader @ 16:37
* Phantom Dandy pinned Hannibal Murdoch @ 18:37
3pts = Lobo Uno
3pts = Chico Malaise'
4) Tonight's main event was a classic scientific match-up of epic proportions between Franklin Lloyd Right, the Architect of Pain and Tiger Nightmare - the reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion. The match saw managers on both sides attempt to cheat in order to score victory. The match saw blood, sweat and tears. And finally, the match saw this...
Your winner and STILL World's Champion: Tiger Nightmare!
3pts = Tiger Nightmare
5) Finally, it was time for the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix finale. Per the rules, only 6 men can enter the Thunderdome, so Diesel Injun drew the short straw in order to leave two representatives from each team. Phantom Dandy, having pulled a hamstring during the previous match, sat this one out. The match went like this...
* Manitou McIntosh started the match against his own partner, Michael Three-Cheeses!
* At 1:00, Lobo Uno entered the fray!
* JC Superstar was next in at the 2 minute mark!
* Chadillac was the next entrant at 3 minutes.
* Finally, Chico Malaise' was buzzed in and the War Games began...
* Lobo Uno pinned Michael Three-Cheeses @ 5:10
* Lobo Uno made the Chadillac tap at 7:06
* JC Superstar pinned Manitou McIntosh @ 7:58
* Chico Malaise' pinned his own partner, Lobo Uno, @ 10:18
Chico Malaise pinned JC Superstar @ 11:54 to win! He was granted possession of the old Hungarian Championship belt by Phantom Dandy. In addition, he has the right to challenge for a shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship at any time, under whatever stipulation he chooses!
6pts = Lobo Uno
3pts = JC Superstar
6pts = Chico Malaise
Check the Rasslin' Bidness page to see the month-end score totals! Make a challenge for next week! Remember that Sgt. Octopus and Chadillac are both on the injured list!
24.4.12
*** TITLE WAVE! Free-For-View Results! ***
The first free-for-view of the season has arrived and with it, pain. The road has been long and hard but we've come out better people for all the hardships we've endured. Let's skip the formalities and get down to the action...
* THE HUNGARIAN HERITAGE GRAND PRIX * ROUND ONE *
The rules are simple - tag teams were chosen randomly. Each member of the winning team receives 3 points for victory.
1) Danny Divine (OUI) was partnered with Dr. Spectacular (Tommy Huang) in a bitter match against Sgt. Octopus (Cesar Romero) and Pierre St. Cloud (OUI) ...
Divine pinned Sgt. Octopus at the 11:53 mark.
3pts = Danny Divine
3pts = Dr. Spectacular
2) Next up, Warlock Star (Millionaire) teamed with arch enemy Tokyo Torres (Huang) to take on Conrad Wolfsbane (Romero) and Maximus Von Zeus (Huang) ...
Von Zeus pinned Warlock Star @ 13:20 to secure the win!
3pts = Maximus Von Zeus
3pts = Conrad Wolfsbane
3) The final match of Round One pitted JC Superstar (Welz) and the Negotiator (Brown Hornet) against the Phantom Dandy (OUI) and Duke Alexander Stallion (Romero) ...
The Superstar drew the short straw tonight and the Negotiator was pinned by Duke Alexander Stallion @ 11:27
3pts = Phantom Dandy
3pts = Duke Alexander Stallion
*** The World's Heavyweight Championship match between Dr. Matsumoto and The Thrillionaire was scheduled to take place. The Thrillionaire had fought long and hard to make it to this level, earning his #1 contendership through blood, sweat and tears. Meanwhile, Matsumoto was as absent as his manager, the Brown Hornet... and he was just as absent today!
FUCR General Manager Bronson Thunderhammer strolled to the ring, World's Championship belt slung over his shoulder. He invited The Thrillionaire to join him in the ring. Thunderhammer announced that since Matsumoto hadn't bothered to show up, the championship was considered forfeit! He handed The Thrillionaire the belt and declared him the NEW World's Heavyweight Champion!
4pts = The Thrillionaire via forfeit
Apparently, all you have to do is show up! It's just that easy, folks. ***
*** HUNGARIAN HERITAGE GRAND PRIX *** ROUND TWO ***
Round two pits the six surviving competitors from the first round in a Beyond Thunderdome match! Two men open the match and a new man enters every 60 seconds. Each wrestler must be eliminated in order to crown a winner and a wrestler will earn 3 points for each pinfall or submission he secures! Also, the winner receives 3 points for victory.
Maximus Von Zeus and Dr. Spectacular started things out. At the one minute mark, they were joined by Conrad Wolfsbane... and Danny Divine at 2 minutes. Finally, Duke Alexander Stallion and the Phantom Dandy entered and the match began in earnest.
ORDER OF ELIMINATION:
1) Dr. Spectacular was pinned by Danny Divine @ 5:00
2) Conrad Wolfsbane was pinned by Alexander Stallion @ 7:50
3) Divine pinned Stallion @ 9:27
4) Phantom Dandy pinned Von Zeus @ 10:53
The Phantom Dandy pinned Danny Divine @ 11:43 to win the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix! In addition to the honor of winning this prestigious title, he will be granted a shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship - under whatever stipulation he wishes - whenever he wants at any point this season!
3pts = Duke Alexander Stallion
6pts = Danny Divine
9pts = The Phantom Dandy!
*** Check out the managers page to see the updated point totals! Congratulations to the Phantom Dandy! Congratulations to the NEW World's Heavyweight Champion, the Thrillionaire! And now it's time to get your challenges in for next week's MONDAY MORNING MAYHEM! ***
* THE HUNGARIAN HERITAGE GRAND PRIX * ROUND ONE *
The rules are simple - tag teams were chosen randomly. Each member of the winning team receives 3 points for victory.
1) Danny Divine (OUI) was partnered with Dr. Spectacular (Tommy Huang) in a bitter match against Sgt. Octopus (Cesar Romero) and Pierre St. Cloud (OUI) ...
Divine pinned Sgt. Octopus at the 11:53 mark.
3pts = Danny Divine
3pts = Dr. Spectacular
2) Next up, Warlock Star (Millionaire) teamed with arch enemy Tokyo Torres (Huang) to take on Conrad Wolfsbane (Romero) and Maximus Von Zeus (Huang) ...
Von Zeus pinned Warlock Star @ 13:20 to secure the win!
3pts = Maximus Von Zeus
3pts = Conrad Wolfsbane
3) The final match of Round One pitted JC Superstar (Welz) and the Negotiator (Brown Hornet) against the Phantom Dandy (OUI) and Duke Alexander Stallion (Romero) ...
The Superstar drew the short straw tonight and the Negotiator was pinned by Duke Alexander Stallion @ 11:27
3pts = Phantom Dandy
3pts = Duke Alexander Stallion
*** The World's Heavyweight Championship match between Dr. Matsumoto and The Thrillionaire was scheduled to take place. The Thrillionaire had fought long and hard to make it to this level, earning his #1 contendership through blood, sweat and tears. Meanwhile, Matsumoto was as absent as his manager, the Brown Hornet... and he was just as absent today!
FUCR General Manager Bronson Thunderhammer strolled to the ring, World's Championship belt slung over his shoulder. He invited The Thrillionaire to join him in the ring. Thunderhammer announced that since Matsumoto hadn't bothered to show up, the championship was considered forfeit! He handed The Thrillionaire the belt and declared him the NEW World's Heavyweight Champion!
4pts = The Thrillionaire via forfeit
Apparently, all you have to do is show up! It's just that easy, folks. ***
*** HUNGARIAN HERITAGE GRAND PRIX *** ROUND TWO ***
Round two pits the six surviving competitors from the first round in a Beyond Thunderdome match! Two men open the match and a new man enters every 60 seconds. Each wrestler must be eliminated in order to crown a winner and a wrestler will earn 3 points for each pinfall or submission he secures! Also, the winner receives 3 points for victory.
Maximus Von Zeus and Dr. Spectacular started things out. At the one minute mark, they were joined by Conrad Wolfsbane... and Danny Divine at 2 minutes. Finally, Duke Alexander Stallion and the Phantom Dandy entered and the match began in earnest.
ORDER OF ELIMINATION:
1) Dr. Spectacular was pinned by Danny Divine @ 5:00
2) Conrad Wolfsbane was pinned by Alexander Stallion @ 7:50
3) Divine pinned Stallion @ 9:27
4) Phantom Dandy pinned Von Zeus @ 10:53
The Phantom Dandy pinned Danny Divine @ 11:43 to win the Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix! In addition to the honor of winning this prestigious title, he will be granted a shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship - under whatever stipulation he wishes - whenever he wants at any point this season!
3pts = Duke Alexander Stallion
6pts = Danny Divine
9pts = The Phantom Dandy!
*** Check out the managers page to see the updated point totals! Congratulations to the Phantom Dandy! Congratulations to the NEW World's Heavyweight Champion, the Thrillionaire! And now it's time to get your challenges in for next week's MONDAY MORNING MAYHEM! ***
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)