With sadness in our hearts, we bring you the results of the Wheezleton Memoriale. This year, the event will be held with more than just Charles "Stinkyteats" and Ebeneezer Wheezleton in mind... this year, we also honor the twelve FUCR wrestlers who lost their lives.
This year, out of respect for those who died, there will be no points on the line in the Wheezleton Memoriale - save for the 1 point awarded to the winner, who shall be crowned the NEW World's Heavyweight Championship.
The entrants are as follows...
Lobo Uno - Mick "Truck" Drivor
The Thrillionaire - The Millionaire
The Chadillac - The Amazing Simon Pimpleton
Sgt. Octopus - Rush Limbaugh
J.C. Superstar - Jesus Christ, Manager of Managers
and the current reigning and defending World's Heavyweight Champion, "Kingbee" Willy Malone, represented by Poppin' Corn.
While we recognize that draft didn't exactly shake out to everyone's liking, we ask you to remember that it was, in fact, 100% random and we also ask that you remember The Persuader, Franklin Lloyd Right, Dr. Matsumoto, Orville Knorvil, Chico Malaise', Tiger Nightmare, Cobra Jaguar, Battle Cat, Michael Three-Cheeses, Diesel Injun and Manitou McIntosh. Remember that they died and respectfully shut the fuck up.
Now, on to the match!
1) Sgt. Octopus pinned JC Superstar @ 4:20
2) Chadillac pinned the Thrillionaire @ 4:32
3) Lobo Uno pinned Kingbee @ 5:22
4) Chadillac pinned Lobo Uno @ 8:15
5) Chadillac pinned Sgt. Octopus @ 9:57 to become the NEW Undisputed World's Heavyweight Champion!
The only existing footage of the event is this grainy fan-cam work...
Well, that's it. We've got four weeks left in this, the most bittersweet of seasons and you've got to get your challenges in. It is with heavy hearts that these six competitors continue on their path to yet another season marked with an asterisk in the record books..
Showing posts with label Wheezleton Memoriale. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wheezleton Memoriale. Show all posts
21.5.12
* the SEMI-ANNUAL WHEEZLETON MEMORIALE * MAY 22, 2012 *
Every year or so (or sometimes more often), the superstars of professional fantasy wrestling gather to pay tribute to the Father of Modern Professional Fantasy Wrestling, Mr. Charles "Stinkyteats" Wheezleton. A man with a dream, Wheezleton broke away from the Video Game Wrestling Association and founded the Nintendo Wrestling Association in 2007. Crowning an undisputed World's Champion was only the first of his many great accomplishments. Today, 5 years later, that title will be on the line and in honor of Wheezleton, a battle royale will take place. But let us not ramble on about the past, let us celebrate the present... in the ring.
The WHEEZLETON MEMORIALE BATTLE ROYALE kicked off with a bang as Dr. Spectacular and Warlock Star entered the squared circle to do battle. 35 short seconds later, Spectacular's feet (and the rest of him) went over the top rope and landed on the concrete floor outside the ring.
The Negotiator made his way to the ring, followed by Lassiter Arcade, the Thrillionaire and Conrad Wolfsbane.
At 4:22, The Thrillionaire, intent on recapturing his World's Championship, tossed his own stablemate over the top rope, eliminating Warlock Star!
Danny Divine and Maximus Von Zeus both entered the ring, eager to toss bitches out and at 7:27, Divine made good on that promise, eliminating Lassiter Arcade.
Duke Alexander Stallion hit the ring and went straight for his old enemy, the Thrillionaire. The two did battle on and off for the remainder of the match.
At 9:00 exactly, Von Zeus eliminated the Negotiator
At 9:52, Danny Divine eliminated Conrad Wolfsbane
Pierre St. Cloud was the last man to enter the ring.
11:20 - Duke Alexander Stallion, preoccupied with the Thrillionaire, paid no attention to Danny Divine, who snuck up from behind and eliminated him!
11:53 - Pierre St. Cloud eliminated Maximus Von Zeus!
11:53 - Danny Divine eliminated the Thrillionaire!
This left but two men in the ring, both of them members of Opulence Unlimited International... Danny Divine and Pierre St. Cloud!
12:48 - Pierre St. Cloud eliminated Danny Divine to win the 2012 Wheezleton Memoriale!
The points break down like this:
Warlock Star = 2pts (1 elimination)
The Thrillionaire = 2pts (1 elimination)
Danny Divine = 8pts (4 eliminations)
Maximus Von Zeus = 2pts (1 elimination)
Pierre St. Cloud = 4pts (2 eliminations) + 5pts (victory)
*** When the season began, the FUCR Board of Directors made a promise to return the days when a #1 contender earned his way to a one-on-one shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship. But the level of competition this season is such that tonight, with the end of the season looming... this night, when there are four men equally worthy of a shot at the Undisputed Heavyweight Championship of the World... on this night, there will be a 10-minute Championship Scramble. ***
5 participants enter the match in random order every two minutes. The object is to score the final pinfall or submission before the 10-minute time limit is up. It does not matter how many pinfalls or submissions you score during the match; only who gets the final one.
First up were Sgt. Octopus (Romero) and J.C. Superstar (Millionaire) . No strangers to combat, these titans tussled back on April 16, just three weeks into the season. Tonight, they meet again to fight for the ultimate prize.
And they were joined by the current World's Heavyweight Champion, Dr. Matsumoto, at the 2 minute mark!
Tokyo Torres, who won the right to wrestle in this match by virtue of defeating J.C. Superstar just yesterday, was next, followed by the Phantom Dandy, the winner of the 2012 Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix.
The battle raged. These men, the giants of our sport, realizing a dream. For some, like the Phantom Dandy, it was a shot at redemption. For Tokyo Torres, it was the natural progression of an amazing athelete rising up through the ranks to the main event. For Sgt. Octopus, it was about proving to both the critics and himself that he deserved it. And for J.C. Superstar, it felt like divine right.
But for Dr. Matsumoto, it was about so much more. He won the vacant Championship two months ago in a grueling series of elimination matches followed by a three-way-dance. Beset by a lack of managerial assitence, Matsumoto became a man without a path. A warrior on a journey to nowhere. Enter the Truck. Now, fighting with a renewed vigor and a second title reign, the Matsumoto Dynasty seems to be in full effect... but will the foundation crack under tonight's strain?
The answer, after a full 10 minutes of war, with nary a pinfall nor submissioned scored, the bell rang and Dr. Matsumoto walked out the champion, his reign intact. He fought a battle of attrition and won, allowing no man to pin him nor score a pinfall themselves. He is awarded 3 points.
3pts = Dr. Matsumoto for retaining his title @10:00
*** And that's the show, ladies and gentlemen! Make your challenges for next week NOW! "The Millionaire" Matt Welz has already made clear his desire for The Thrillionaire to cash in his guaranteed rematch against Dr. Matsumoto for the title and it'll happen NEXT WEEK! What's next? That's up to you! Be sure to take a look at the current scores while you're at it! ***
The WHEEZLETON MEMORIALE BATTLE ROYALE kicked off with a bang as Dr. Spectacular and Warlock Star entered the squared circle to do battle. 35 short seconds later, Spectacular's feet (and the rest of him) went over the top rope and landed on the concrete floor outside the ring.
The Negotiator made his way to the ring, followed by Lassiter Arcade, the Thrillionaire and Conrad Wolfsbane.
At 4:22, The Thrillionaire, intent on recapturing his World's Championship, tossed his own stablemate over the top rope, eliminating Warlock Star!
Danny Divine and Maximus Von Zeus both entered the ring, eager to toss bitches out and at 7:27, Divine made good on that promise, eliminating Lassiter Arcade.
Duke Alexander Stallion hit the ring and went straight for his old enemy, the Thrillionaire. The two did battle on and off for the remainder of the match.
At 9:00 exactly, Von Zeus eliminated the Negotiator
At 9:52, Danny Divine eliminated Conrad Wolfsbane
Pierre St. Cloud was the last man to enter the ring.
11:20 - Duke Alexander Stallion, preoccupied with the Thrillionaire, paid no attention to Danny Divine, who snuck up from behind and eliminated him!
11:53 - Pierre St. Cloud eliminated Maximus Von Zeus!
11:53 - Danny Divine eliminated the Thrillionaire!
This left but two men in the ring, both of them members of Opulence Unlimited International... Danny Divine and Pierre St. Cloud!
12:48 - Pierre St. Cloud eliminated Danny Divine to win the 2012 Wheezleton Memoriale!
The points break down like this:
Warlock Star = 2pts (1 elimination)
The Thrillionaire = 2pts (1 elimination)
Danny Divine = 8pts (4 eliminations)
Maximus Von Zeus = 2pts (1 elimination)
Pierre St. Cloud = 4pts (2 eliminations) + 5pts (victory)
*** When the season began, the FUCR Board of Directors made a promise to return the days when a #1 contender earned his way to a one-on-one shot at the World's Heavyweight Championship. But the level of competition this season is such that tonight, with the end of the season looming... this night, when there are four men equally worthy of a shot at the Undisputed Heavyweight Championship of the World... on this night, there will be a 10-minute Championship Scramble. ***
5 participants enter the match in random order every two minutes. The object is to score the final pinfall or submission before the 10-minute time limit is up. It does not matter how many pinfalls or submissions you score during the match; only who gets the final one.
First up were Sgt. Octopus (Romero) and J.C. Superstar (Millionaire) . No strangers to combat, these titans tussled back on April 16, just three weeks into the season. Tonight, they meet again to fight for the ultimate prize.
And they were joined by the current World's Heavyweight Champion, Dr. Matsumoto, at the 2 minute mark!
Tokyo Torres, who won the right to wrestle in this match by virtue of defeating J.C. Superstar just yesterday, was next, followed by the Phantom Dandy, the winner of the 2012 Hungarian Heritage Grand Prix.
The battle raged. These men, the giants of our sport, realizing a dream. For some, like the Phantom Dandy, it was a shot at redemption. For Tokyo Torres, it was the natural progression of an amazing athelete rising up through the ranks to the main event. For Sgt. Octopus, it was about proving to both the critics and himself that he deserved it. And for J.C. Superstar, it felt like divine right.
But for Dr. Matsumoto, it was about so much more. He won the vacant Championship two months ago in a grueling series of elimination matches followed by a three-way-dance. Beset by a lack of managerial assitence, Matsumoto became a man without a path. A warrior on a journey to nowhere. Enter the Truck. Now, fighting with a renewed vigor and a second title reign, the Matsumoto Dynasty seems to be in full effect... but will the foundation crack under tonight's strain?
The answer, after a full 10 minutes of war, with nary a pinfall nor submissioned scored, the bell rang and Dr. Matsumoto walked out the champion, his reign intact. He fought a battle of attrition and won, allowing no man to pin him nor score a pinfall themselves. He is awarded 3 points.
3pts = Dr. Matsumoto for retaining his title @10:00
*** And that's the show, ladies and gentlemen! Make your challenges for next week NOW! "The Millionaire" Matt Welz has already made clear his desire for The Thrillionaire to cash in his guaranteed rematch against Dr. Matsumoto for the title and it'll happen NEXT WEEK! What's next? That's up to you! Be sure to take a look at the current scores while you're at it! ***
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