After much delay, our flagship event is finally here! It's been a long and tumultuous season wrought with controversy, chaos and tragedy. But now, the pot at the end of the rainbow has arrived. Before we begin, let's take a look at the point standings and review the matches.
Lobo Uno, managed by Mick "Truck" Drivor, will be accepting the challenge of two time former World's Champion The Thrillionaire, managed by the self-proclaimed "most fucked man in wrestling", The Millionaire. With 48 and 46 points respectively, this 10-point match could set either man over the edge and crown a Manager of the Year.
Our other big match is a champion vs. champion encounter pitting three-time World's Heavyweight Champion "Kingbee" Willy Malone (managed by Poppin' Corn) against former World's Champion and two-time Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World, The Chadillac (managed by Simon Pimpleton).
The match is worth only 3 points, which are enough to cement Poppin' Corn as Manager of the Year, but what's really on the line here is the pride of two legendary wrestling promotions.
It was 2007 when Charles "Stinkyteats" Wheezleton broke away from the VGWA to establish his own title - the World's Championship. And in time, that belt gained prominence over the Hungarian Title; even after FUCR was folded back into the VGWA. Over the following five years, it has been a battle for dominance between these two promotions. And it hasn't been without incident...
Who can forget when VGWA stars such as Monte Altazzar, Pappy, Jon Derby, Manimal, Bronson Thunderhammer, Scissorwolf and others defected to join the ranks of the Nintendo Wrestling Association (and later FUCR)? And who can forget when 50-time Hungarian Champion "Polish Prince" Chad Derdowski nearly bankrupted the NWA when he and Pappy were caught supplying the underage Jenny Glorpp with alcohol?
And who can forget when legendary VGWA performer Blackjack Billy "the Kingpin" LaLonde started his own rival promotion and was briefly awarded control of the World's Championship by the VGWA Board of Directors? What about Monte Altazzar's mysterious death? A death which has yet to be solved?
And now, the second generation of stars takes the stage as men like The Thrillionaire, the Chadillac and "Kingbee" Willy Malone ascend to the heavens of professional fantasy wrestling...
Also on the card tonight, Dr. Sydney M. Basil reveals the TRUTH about Simon Pimpleton's parentage!
1) The first half of our double main event was nearly 12 minutes of non-stop action and pain. Both men knew they were fighting to secure the top spot for their managers and both men knew that they wanted to make the other suffer as much as possible. But in the end, only one man could walk away with the prize and that man was the lone wolf who walks alone and stalks the night as a one-man wolfpack, but not a lame one-man wolfpack like those shitty Hangover sequels - a fucking REAL fucking one-man wolfpack, and that man is LOBO UNO.
10 points = Lobo Uno via pinfall@ 6:35.
Before the 2nd half of the double main event on our two match card could take place, the VGWA Board of Directors took to the ring. They said that the Wrestler of the Year award had already been determined, despite the season not quite being over! This year was a special year, they said and as such, unfurled a rather expensive and fancy looking piece of parchment. The ring bell, it chimed until it rang 29 times for each man who died this season and then some.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Wrestlers of the Year for the 2013 season are:
Tiger Nightmare
Cobra Jaguar
Battle Cat
Persuader
Franklin Lloyd Right, the Architect of Pain
Hannibal Murdoch
Orville Knorville
Chico Malaise'
Dr. Matsumoto
Diesel Injun
Michael Three Cheeses
Manitou McIntosh
And now, lets quit all our cryin' and bellyachin' and get to the main event!
2) The match was 2-out-of-3 falls. The participants involved were the alleged illegitimate love child of "Kingpin" Billy LaLonde and Queen Bee, "Kingbee" Willy Malone and his arch rival, the protégé of the most decorated Hungarian Champion ever, The Chadillac. Both the World's Heavyweight Championship and the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World, with a lineage dating back to last century, were on the line, though technically, this was not a title unification match as both belts will be defended under separate contracts.
The first fall went to "Kingbee" at 5:28 when The Chadillac tapped out to his Human Torture Rack. The second fall also went to Malone at 7:45 ... same hold. Same results.
3 points and the Hungarian Championship were awarded to Kingbee's manager, Poppin' Corn, bringing his total up to 58 points!
"Kingbee" Willy Malone celebrated in the ring, embracing Chadillac and referring to himself as the Undisputed World's Heavyweight Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World... a shower of black and yellow confetti littered the ring and the arena.
And then Lobo Uno's music hit.
Accompanied by Mick "Truck" Drivor, who promptly stated that with 58 points of his own, he was tied with Poppin' Corn as the Manager of the Year, the one-man stalking nightmare of wolfocity spit upon "Kingbee" and called his dual championship worthless.
And then Dr. Sydney M. Basil hit the ring.
Holding a manila envelope, Basil stated that any and all disputes over awards would simply have to wait... because he had the results from Simon Pimpleton's paternity test in his hand. Basil was joined by Pimpleton and his mother, Cheryl Halstedder. Fans noted that Pimpleton looked older somehow and it was confirmed by both his mother and his doctor that yes, Simon Pimpleton does in fact suffer from Soap Opera Children's Disorder, commonly known as SOCP, a disease which causes a child to age to their teen years rapidly after spending a brief period of time away at summer camp or on a vacation.
Choosing not to waste any more time, Dr. Basil produced the results of the paternity test and it was revealed that Simon Pimpleton's TRUE father was...
...
...
CHARLES "STINKYTEATS" WHEEZLETON
And the crowd. Went. Nuts.
Pimpleton grabbed the microphone. He spit in Malone's face and called him a paper champ. The Chadillac attacked Malone from behind and Lobo Uno put Poppin' Corn in a full nelson. Simon Pimpleton... or should we say SIMON WHEEZLETON declared himself the King of FUCR and now that he was heir to the proverbial throne of professional fantasy wrestling, he chose to become the tiebreaker... the Manager of the Year Award goes to Mick "Truck" Drivor, who wins by decision!!!
The crowd littered the ring with trash as the heels savagely beat both the Champ and his manager, leaving a pile of broken bodies in the ring. Jenny Glorpp joined Simon Wheezleton in the ring and the two began passionately kissing! Simon put his hand up her shirt and brazenly felt her up on live television while Jenny stroked the growing bulge in his pants! It was disgusting! Finally, the show went off the air with Wheezleton, Drivor, Lobo Uno, Chadillac and Jenny Glorpp celebrating while Willy Malone and Poppin Corn were carted out of the arena - championships intact, but pride and bodies badly hurt.
And that's the season, folks! Who says 2013 is bad luck?
Showing posts with label undisputed Hungarian commonwealth people's heavyweight championship of the world. Show all posts
Showing posts with label undisputed Hungarian commonwealth people's heavyweight championship of the world. Show all posts
25.4.13
* RESULTS * 4/25/13 *
Ladies and gentlemen, it's the final show before the biggest free-for-view event of the season - SLAMARAMA! Tonight both titles are on the line, but before we start, lets listen to the VGWA Board of Directors discuss the history of both belts as well as the organization...
It only seems right to honor the memory of the fallen roster by honoring the legacy of the Hungarian Title. A title which was despised by Charles "Stinkyteats" Wheezleton when he broke away from the VGWA, accusing them of bribery, bias, corruption and all manner of foul play. Holding a tournament to crown a World's Champion, Wheezleton stole a prominent VGWA superstar in the form of Monte Altazzar and put the belt around his waist. Other stars defected including Pappy, "Kentucky" Jon Derby and the Manimal.
In time, as FUCR grew, the World's Championship supplanted the Hungarian title as the most prominent singles championship in the minds of the fans. The Hungarian Championship was retired as an active title and became an annual event as FUCR fell under the guidance of Ebeneezer Wheezleton when Charles was struck by a mysterious and completely natural death with no suggestion of foul pay.
Controversy surrounded FUCR for years as ownership was in dispute. Monte Altazzar was killed in a hideous gangland crime which remains unsolved to this day. For a time, the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate managed to wrest control of the World's Championship. But FUCR has always returned, like a phoenix from the ashes.
Now... with the Wheezleton Family's flame extinguished, the traitor Monte Altazzar dead and the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World re-activated while the World's Heavyweight Championship is very much disputed due to The Chadillac refusing the belt as well as 3/4 of the roster dying in a freak accident... the two most respected championships both be on the line at SLAMARAMA!
But first - this week's matches!
1) First, the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World was on the line in a three-way dance between reigning champion Sgt. Octopus, former champion The Chadillac and the uncrowned people's champion, Lobo Uno.
It was a 12 minute battle of wills... and in the end, the man trained by 50-time Hungarian Champion "Polish Prince" Chad Derdowski was victorious by pinning Lobo Uno.
7pts = Chadillac via pinfall @ 12:14
2) Next, the 3rd and final match in a series. Both men are now 2-time World's Champions and both men are "second generation superstars", having been trained by legends of the business. Ladies and gentlemen, "Kingbee" Willy Malone seeks to regain the richest prize in the sport when he squares off against current champion The Thrillionaire!
It was a match to end all matches. And in the end...
9pts = "Kingbee" Willy Malone via submission @ 11:49
After the match, Malone grabbed a microphone and called Chadillac to the ring. The two champions stood face to face... Malone reminded the crowd that Chadillac gave up the World's Championship not too long ago. He reminded the fans that this action caused the title to fall into dispute. He said that when he defeats Chadillac and holds both titles at SLAMARAMA next week, he will erase all doubts.
Chadillac responded with a boot to the face and left Malone lying in the ring.
NEXT WEEK - SLAMARAMA! Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World THE CHADILLAC vs. World's Heavyweight Champion "KINGBEE" WILLY MALONE in a 2-out-of-3 falls lumberjack match!
The main event is set, but you can still issue challenges! Maybe we'll see a tag match? Maybe a mini-battle royal? Maybe a table match? Its up to you!
And don't forget - next week Dr. Sydney M. Basil will reveal the results - who IS Simon Pimpleton's father?
It only seems right to honor the memory of the fallen roster by honoring the legacy of the Hungarian Title. A title which was despised by Charles "Stinkyteats" Wheezleton when he broke away from the VGWA, accusing them of bribery, bias, corruption and all manner of foul play. Holding a tournament to crown a World's Champion, Wheezleton stole a prominent VGWA superstar in the form of Monte Altazzar and put the belt around his waist. Other stars defected including Pappy, "Kentucky" Jon Derby and the Manimal.
In time, as FUCR grew, the World's Championship supplanted the Hungarian title as the most prominent singles championship in the minds of the fans. The Hungarian Championship was retired as an active title and became an annual event as FUCR fell under the guidance of Ebeneezer Wheezleton when Charles was struck by a mysterious and completely natural death with no suggestion of foul pay.
Controversy surrounded FUCR for years as ownership was in dispute. Monte Altazzar was killed in a hideous gangland crime which remains unsolved to this day. For a time, the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate managed to wrest control of the World's Championship. But FUCR has always returned, like a phoenix from the ashes.
Now... with the Wheezleton Family's flame extinguished, the traitor Monte Altazzar dead and the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World re-activated while the World's Heavyweight Championship is very much disputed due to The Chadillac refusing the belt as well as 3/4 of the roster dying in a freak accident... the two most respected championships both be on the line at SLAMARAMA!
But first - this week's matches!
1) First, the Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Championship of the World was on the line in a three-way dance between reigning champion Sgt. Octopus, former champion The Chadillac and the uncrowned people's champion, Lobo Uno.
It was a 12 minute battle of wills... and in the end, the man trained by 50-time Hungarian Champion "Polish Prince" Chad Derdowski was victorious by pinning Lobo Uno.
7pts = Chadillac via pinfall @ 12:14
2) Next, the 3rd and final match in a series. Both men are now 2-time World's Champions and both men are "second generation superstars", having been trained by legends of the business. Ladies and gentlemen, "Kingbee" Willy Malone seeks to regain the richest prize in the sport when he squares off against current champion The Thrillionaire!
It was a match to end all matches. And in the end...
9pts = "Kingbee" Willy Malone via submission @ 11:49
After the match, Malone grabbed a microphone and called Chadillac to the ring. The two champions stood face to face... Malone reminded the crowd that Chadillac gave up the World's Championship not too long ago. He reminded the fans that this action caused the title to fall into dispute. He said that when he defeats Chadillac and holds both titles at SLAMARAMA next week, he will erase all doubts.
Chadillac responded with a boot to the face and left Malone lying in the ring.
NEXT WEEK - SLAMARAMA! Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World THE CHADILLAC vs. World's Heavyweight Champion "KINGBEE" WILLY MALONE in a 2-out-of-3 falls lumberjack match!
The main event is set, but you can still issue challenges! Maybe we'll see a tag match? Maybe a mini-battle royal? Maybe a table match? Its up to you!
And don't forget - next week Dr. Sydney M. Basil will reveal the results - who IS Simon Pimpleton's father?
18.4.13
* FUCR FRIDAY * 4/19/13 * RESULTS *
Noted wrestling doctor Sidney M. Basil, MD opened the show by addressing the crowd and addressing the frequent rumors regarding Simon Pimpleton. He recognized the fact that with the recent sadness resulting from the deceased roster and the controversy surrounding the World's Championship, many had forgotten a question which has plagued us all season - "Who is Simon Pimpleton's Father?" Basil assured fans that he had conducted rigorous tests which involved getting semen samples from each and every male fan who bought a ticket to a FUCR show in the past six months. We would have an answer, he said, and we'd have it at Slamarama!
Our opening match pitted two time World's Heavyweight Champion "Kingbee" Willy Malone (Poppin' Corn) against JC Superstar (Jesus Christ) with the winner being given a shot at whichever title they wanted. Poppin' Corn made it clear last week that he intends to cash in that shot against current World's Champion The Thrillionaire... which is good, because Malone won the match!
6pts = "Kingbee" Willy Malone via pinfall @ 6:32
The next match was a donnybrook, a slobberknocker and a barnburner rolled into a painful sandwich. World's Champion The Thrillionaire (Millionaire) teamed with Sgt. Octopus (Rush Limbaugh) to take on current Hungarian Champion The Chadillac (Simon Pimpleton) and Lobo Uno (Mick "Truck" Drivor). The match was especially noteworthy due to the fact that whichever wrestler scored a pinfall would take home the Hungarian Championship as a prize!
We're not gonna lie, folks. This match was goddamn brutal. It spilled outside several times and much blood was shed on both sides. It was a war of attrition which lasted nearly seventeen minutes and only ended when The Thrillionaire brutally beat upon Lobo Uno with a steel chair while Sgt. Octopus (the legal man) distracted the referee. Lobo Uno was counted out and the team of The Thrillionaire and Sgt. Octopus won the match by count out which, due to the altered rules of this abridged and abbreviated season, grants each team member the full six points!
And due to the ruling by members of the VGWA and FUCR Boards of Directors as well as the Hungarian Wrestling Council... Sgt. Octopus is the new Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World!
6pts = Sgt. Octopus
6pts = Thrillionaire
Ladies and gentlemen, we've already got one match booked for next week - the ULTIMATE rematch between "Kingbee" Willy Malone and The Thrillionaire. 8 points and the World's Championship on the line. Two men. One ring. Three counts. Who will emerge victorious?
Everybody else - get your challenges in!
Our opening match pitted two time World's Heavyweight Champion "Kingbee" Willy Malone (Poppin' Corn) against JC Superstar (Jesus Christ) with the winner being given a shot at whichever title they wanted. Poppin' Corn made it clear last week that he intends to cash in that shot against current World's Champion The Thrillionaire... which is good, because Malone won the match!
6pts = "Kingbee" Willy Malone via pinfall @ 6:32
The next match was a donnybrook, a slobberknocker and a barnburner rolled into a painful sandwich. World's Champion The Thrillionaire (Millionaire) teamed with Sgt. Octopus (Rush Limbaugh) to take on current Hungarian Champion The Chadillac (Simon Pimpleton) and Lobo Uno (Mick "Truck" Drivor). The match was especially noteworthy due to the fact that whichever wrestler scored a pinfall would take home the Hungarian Championship as a prize!
We're not gonna lie, folks. This match was goddamn brutal. It spilled outside several times and much blood was shed on both sides. It was a war of attrition which lasted nearly seventeen minutes and only ended when The Thrillionaire brutally beat upon Lobo Uno with a steel chair while Sgt. Octopus (the legal man) distracted the referee. Lobo Uno was counted out and the team of The Thrillionaire and Sgt. Octopus won the match by count out which, due to the altered rules of this abridged and abbreviated season, grants each team member the full six points!
And due to the ruling by members of the VGWA and FUCR Boards of Directors as well as the Hungarian Wrestling Council... Sgt. Octopus is the new Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World!
6pts = Sgt. Octopus
6pts = Thrillionaire
Ladies and gentlemen, we've already got one match booked for next week - the ULTIMATE rematch between "Kingbee" Willy Malone and The Thrillionaire. 8 points and the World's Championship on the line. Two men. One ring. Three counts. Who will emerge victorious?
Everybody else - get your challenges in!
11.4.13
* APRIL 12, 2013 * RESULTS *
Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the abridged results. The WrestleMania weekend took its toll and our own schedule was rushed and cut short. But that didn't stop the action which saw...
1) Sgt. Octopus defeated JC Superstar via pinfall!
6 pts = Sgt. Octopus via pinfall @8:43
2) The Chadillac took on Lobo Uno to determine the new Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World.
6 pts = Chadillac via pinfall @12:12
3) And finally, The Thrillionaire took on the man who defeated him last week - World's Heavyweight Champion "Kingbee" Willy Malone in a steel cage rematch! This time, it was The Thrillionaire who became a 2-time champion!
6 pts + 1 rematch point + 1 World Title point = The Thrillionaire via pinfall @ 7:43
... and that's this week's show! Short, but as sweet as you can get. Now get your challenges in.
1) Sgt. Octopus defeated JC Superstar via pinfall!
6 pts = Sgt. Octopus via pinfall @8:43
2) The Chadillac took on Lobo Uno to determine the new Undisputed Hungarian Commonwealth People's Heavyweight Champion of the World.
6 pts = Chadillac via pinfall @12:12
3) And finally, The Thrillionaire took on the man who defeated him last week - World's Heavyweight Champion "Kingbee" Willy Malone in a steel cage rematch! This time, it was The Thrillionaire who became a 2-time champion!
6 pts + 1 rematch point + 1 World Title point = The Thrillionaire via pinfall @ 7:43
... and that's this week's show! Short, but as sweet as you can get. Now get your challenges in.
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